Problems with my mother

[sweet~teen]

I'm an 18 year old girl and for the last 7 years have had major problems with my mother.She is a bit weird and won't let me do anything. I am not allowed to wear make up,dye my hair,shave my body hair,eat food that contains artificial additives,have a boyfriend,wear skirts above my knee or tops that are anywhere near low cut! Iam not allowed to sleep over at friends houses because she says I will not be able to sleep,I am allowed to go out with friends in the evening but am not allowed to stay at their house and she always makes an excuse for why I can't leave the house.I'm not allowed high heel shoes,nail extensions,fake tan,to use a hair dryer.And the worst is she thinks it is bad to wash everyday and will only let me wash every week! I have to be asleep by 11 or I am in huge trouble.I've lost most of my frieds because they think I'm weird. It's not me it's her.My Dad is fine.What is wrong with her? The only other woman I know like her is my Muslim friend's mother! I'm off to Uni ina few months whch will help the situation but will not solve anything

[Katie~77]

Maybe she's been hanging around just looking in for 3 weeks like Honey Bee!x

[sweet~teen]

Can everyone stop saying "if it's a joke". This is not a joke! And my Mum is NOT over protective. It is NOTHING to do with age. It's her views and she expects me to do as she says and live how she wants me to live regardless or what age I am. I am allowed go to University! Of course I am! She doesn't want me to stay living with her. I don't know my Mum's mind but all I know is she is ruining my youth.I just wandered if any ABers knew an explanation for her being the was she is? That was the question.Can I just say thanks to all the ABers who gave m really good responses.Such a shame the few had to spoil it.

[sweet~teen]

I didn't understand steweys question which is why I didn't bother to reply! I can't believe I find myself arguning that I'm telling the truth! Maybe if I had a history of lying I might understand but I'm new on here!!!! Just please think before you speak because ot DOES hurt

[nannon]

How can you say she is not over protective?? She is smothering you by the sounds of it and like you said she is ruining your youth!
I'm a bit confused though - the only question you asked in thare is "what is wrong with her?" A few of us have tried to answer but from your last answers i'm asuming you want us to answer something else...but i dont know what it is!!

[4getmenot]

whether they believe you or not they have all given you options as to what to do next.

[johnlambert]

anyone notice that she always prefix's her name with something nice like "sexy"russian or "sweet"~teen?

[redcrx]

if shes not overprotective, and its her own views then why are you worrying about it now when you are leaving in a matter of weeks?

[4getmenot]

well redcrx or countryboy are stuffed then

[Octavius]

How can anyone here possibly explain your mother�s irrational activities? Even a psycho-analyst would need a few one-to-one sessions to determine some semblance of a route cause scenario and possible remediation.

I thought the �question� concerned your difficulty in coping with such irrational domineering and I still maintain that you should contact Childline. Do you need the number again? It�s 0800 1111.

[redcrx]

and if you didnt understand steweys question and so didnt answer it, who exactly were you calling 'nasty'? caz asked if it was serious and i said i had doubts but we were still replying with answers.

[sweet~teen]

All the people who ripped my question to pieces and tried to find fult with the wording. I felt like I was under trial.Ifyou WANT to find fault in a post then you will but that does not mean it is not true and remember there are trolls on places like this but I genuinely believe most people on here are genuine.
Do you really think she is protctive? I may be wrong but I always thought she was just a bit weird and wanted to impose her lifestyle on me.Is there a difference?

[theonlyone]

Stewey ,you are right it's Ruskie again with her/his normal inane clap trap , and you have all been replying and giving good advice for a couple of hours . Bet they are laughing their socks off and saying mugs !!!!

[nannon]

ye she is totally over protected and also a bit strange in her ways. Parents shouldn't really try to push they're ideas and thoughts on to their children. They should be guided but not influenced by your parents - you mother is trying to put all her ideas in you - thats not right.

[nannon]

oooops - I meant over protective!

[Octavius]

OK, I�ll have a go. There are generally 8 forms of parental controlling which border on abuse. These are:

▪ Smothering
▪ Depriving
▪ Perfectionistic
▪ Cultlike
▪ Chaotic
▪ Using
▪ Abusing
▪ Childlike

Nearly all controlling parents embody one or more of the eight "styles" of controlling parenting. Amazingly your post appears to have ticked all of these and whilst I don�t have the time nor inclination (easier to Google) I can summarise the above for you:

Smothering - terrified of feeling alone
Depriving - convinced they will never get enough of what they need
Perfectionistic - paranoid about flaws
Cultlike - distressed by uncertainty, Cultlike parents have to be "in the know,"
Chaotic - caught up in an internal cyclone of instability and confusion
Using - determined never to lose or feel one-down usually feed off their children
Abusing - perched atop a volcano of resentment
Childlike - feeling incapable or needy

Can you spot where your mother might be? Does she need help? Maybe you should talk with your dad about a psychological assessment of your mother.

Whether you are lying here or not doesn�t really concern me, but if this is all a ruse then one must certainly take a look at themselves in the cold harsh light of day and ask: why.

[stewey]

"Maybe if I had a history of lying I might understand but I'm new on here!!!!"

If you were new on here, Ruskie, how would we be able to judge that you had a history of lying? Personally I think that you have a history of possessing a rather fertile imagination........nowt wrong with that is there?

[Octavius]

theonlyone � you may well be right, but perhaps in amongst the world wide web there may be a youngster really facing this situation and looking on the internet for genuine help and guidance. If during that they stumble across this site and some of the answers we have given, then maybe we might have helped someone somewhere.

[sweet~teen]

Yes Octavius you have helped me thank you and thank you to everyone who has given me a good answer

[theonlyone]

Octavius , I'm sure you are right with your answer but this is another of Ruskies wind-ups , if things were that bad at home she would have left ages ago , also her Dad lives there as well . No Dad in there right mind would let a daughter be treated as she says . Get my point ???

[Octavius]

Of course I get your point, but have you got mine?

This is a Q&A site which sets out to provide answers to questions and the forum is not limited to those who ask and those who answer. It is available for any one and everyone to view. If in the course of searching for online help a child stumbles across a Google search for �abuse or controlling mother� then they might find some solace here.

I view this as a serious issue which may affect many youngsters out there. I don�t view this person or the thread as a sad desperate attention seeker as that would be futile in the grand scheme of things. What exactly has this Q�er achieved if we retain our integrity and answer as responsible people with informative and constructive advice? Me looking like a mug? Gosh, I think I can live with myself for that.