how to deal with a friend who has started cross dressing

[bednobs]

Hi, i need some sensible answers please (!)
i have always considered myself a fairly laid back person. A few weeks ago one of my friends and his girlfriend came to stay for a couple of nights. When they arrived, friend didn't take his coat off for ages. he went to the loo and g/f said to us he was nervous of taking his coat off because he didn't know how we would react to his attire.
When he did take his coat off, he had on crushed velvet leggings, and a longish shimmery top.
Neither of us said anything (why would you, he is our friend and we like him)
over the course of the time he stayed, things progressed and when he left he was wearing womens jewellery, make up as well as womens clothes.
I was surprised because it actually made me feel quite uncomfortable. He has a job that he goes to (i presume wearing mens clothes), and also has a beard. I just don't really know what to do - i didn't tell him i was uncomfortable, but if he comes again i would really prefer he wears mens clothes. Is this an acceptable thing for me to ask him do you think? or do i have to accept him for what makes him feel comfy despite the fact it makes me VERY uncomfy? or is it the end of the friendship because i can't make myself feel comfy with this? If he was worried what we would think, why didn't he just wear a tshirt?

[AlBags]

Just have a friendly chat with the gf.
Tell her/him! that it's ok within reason, but it makes you uncomfortable with the make-up and jewellery thing going on.
You're right, this behavioral traight should work both ways, so he would understand through the gf as mediator.

Anyway .. Karen .. where is that ... err ... 'stuff' .. you were sending me? x

[sara3]

do you want permission to email?

go on then!

[cazzz1975]

I think it would be sad to end a friendship because of this, I am sure he agonised a lot before revealing himself in this manner, it could be just shock, give yourself time to get used to the idea before you pull the plug on your friendship. I am sure he was just looking for some support and acceptance.

[Dris]

Who's Karen A1Bags;)

[jaydah]

So long as a man covers himself it doesn't much matter what he wears. Be it velor or tartan trews I can't see the problem. Golfers wear some outrageous clothes

http://golf.about.com...n-Daly-Pants-Gallery/

[saxy_jag]

Agree, some warning might have helped. Maybe he thought this would be a good way of 'coming out', and he might just have done so because he felt comfortable enough with you.

If he is such a good friend, then perhaps it would help if you and he maybe met up for a pint and had a heart to heart, Tell him you're flattered that he feels he can do this in front of you, but explain that it was a bit of a shock because you had no idea. Tell him, honestly, how uncomfortable it makes you feel and ask him if, when he's with you, he could just tone it down a little and not look so obvious. I'm sure he will understand. He will most likely have a good idea of what people's reactions are going to be and will probably welcome your input. Bear in mind, too, that this is probably one of the bravest things he's ever done. After all, could you do it?

My husband, although not a cross-dresser in the strictest sense of the word, does occasionally dress up in semi-drag for stage and publicity stunts. Our friends take it as a given that if anyone's going to dress in women's clothing, it's him. It doesn't make any difference to who he is and our son - very much a 'bloke' - just accepts it as normal and always has done. I really think he would feel the same if his dad was a full-time cross-dresser. It's probably something to do with the fact that he's grown up around our social circle of musicians, dancers and rock bands and has learnt that decent people don't judge you by the company you keep.

[AlBags]

lol Dris ... We stalk each other : )
karenmac

[bednobs]

the thing is, if someone else were asking this question, i would probably be replying in much the same manner as you are - except i would be saying "like it or lump it" probably. However, because it happened to me, i can't!

[Andyvon]

I still don't think this person is much of a friend Bednobs. A friend wouldn't put you in that situation of feeling uncomfortable in your own home. They certainly should have warned you beforehand and not shock you like that. It's effectively saying "This is me and I don't give a stuff whether you like it or not - even in your own home". Well - friends don't treat each other like that. They have more respect for each other and this person patently doesn't for you.

Just tell hm straight. Why should you be feeling guilty or blamed by others for feeling uncomfortable? You didn't ask to be placed in this awful position.

[AlBags]

A few years ago, I won a fancy dress as 'Wonder Woman' (wig, make-up, etc) : ) I was in the RAF at the time.
The most alarming thing was being grabbed, mistaken for a female, and snogged by a drunk guy in the local pub. Never got over that one : )

[Dagman]

Bite the bullet and tell him, explain first by saying not to be offended, you felt uncomfortable and it just isn't your thing. you're speaking as a friend and hope he reacts as a friend when you ask for him not to repeat what he did, his point has been made and there is no need to do it again, and respect your polite request.

[Prudie]

My only problem with it would be him not telling you sooner if he were a friend. To surprise me with it in my own home in front of someone else I didn't know that well would make me very uncomfortable.

[saxy_jag]

If you were being a bigot over it, I would almost definitely say 'like it or lump it'. But you're not. I get the impression you're trying to understand despite feeling uncomfortable. That's fine. Many people do feel that way, and your mate will know that. I reckon, eventually, as you become more used to it, you won't feel half as awkward.

[jaydah]

I wear my OHs golf pants - they make my bum look slimmer & fit better than hipsters. His golf jackets are warmer & more comfy too. With a cap I probably look like a bloke - lol

[woofgang]

I do think you should talk to him. Maybe he thought that you had twitted and would be okay with it since the clues he had given didn't seem to faze you. How good a mate is he?

[woofgang]

Sorry, not twitted, twigged. Blooming spell check

[LoftyLottie]

I agree with Saxy Jag Bedknobs. You felt uncomfortable on this first occasion but I bet as times get on you will cease to feel uncomfortable. He is the same person that he always was but dresses differently. He is not dressing in a prevocative or immodest way, just differently. Perhaps he feels more himself in female clothing and needs to be accepted as himself. I don't see why he should dress differently when being at your home.

I am not saying you should not have felt uncomfortable. I can understand that, but basically he trusts you and you should be pleased that he can himself in your company. Dressing differently doesn't change who he is.

[DTCwordfan]

So you like him, so therefore try and accept him - read a little bit up on transgenderism and crossdressing. He probably isn't a crossdresser - they normally dress for sexual reasons..... and that is why you maybe uncomfortable. TVs are more comfortable in balancing their female side alongside the male whereas transsexual/transgender are more comfortable being a woman as they are women in mens bodies. I actually know a woman who is transgendering the other way.......so it isnt exclusively male to female, though much rarer.


As you know we all have both male and female hormones in our bodies (thank our parents). This 'confuion' of the sexes can be brought about by oestrogen being a little more dominant than it is for the mass of the male population and also it explains why many tvs are older as testerone drops back a bitas life goes on, therefore allowing or wanting the female side to come through a a bit more.

Hope this helps.

[LoftyLottie]

Do you know I fancy Eddie Izzard whether he is dressed as a woman or a man. To me he is 'all man' whatever he wears!!! ;o).

He could come and stay whenever he likes!!

[AlBags]

^ Funny guy .. I'd agree on that, Lottie ....
But I'd sleep with one eye open : )