ChatterBank0 min ago
how to deal with a friend who has started cross dressing
97 Answers
Hi, i need some sensible answers please (!)
i have always considered myself a fairly laid back person. A few weeks ago one of my friends and his girlfriend came to stay for a couple of nights. When they arrived, friend didn't take his coat off for ages. he went to the loo and g/f said to us he was nervous of taking his coat off because he didn't know how we would react to his attire.
When he did take his coat off, he had on crushed velvet leggings, and a longish shimmery top.
Neither of us said anything (why would you, he is our friend and we like him)
over the course of the time he stayed, things progressed and when he left he was wearing womens jewellery, make up as well as womens clothes.
I was surprised because it actually made me feel quite uncomfortable. He has a job that he goes to (i presume wearing mens clothes), and also has a beard. I just don't really know what to do - i didn't tell him i was uncomfortable, but if he comes again i would really prefer he wears mens clothes. Is this an acceptable thing for me to ask him do you think? or do i have to accept him for what makes him feel comfy despite the fact it makes me VERY uncomfy? or is it the end of the friendship because i can't make myself feel comfy with this? If he was worried what we would think, why didn't he just wear a tshirt?
i have always considered myself a fairly laid back person. A few weeks ago one of my friends and his girlfriend came to stay for a couple of nights. When they arrived, friend didn't take his coat off for ages. he went to the loo and g/f said to us he was nervous of taking his coat off because he didn't know how we would react to his attire.
When he did take his coat off, he had on crushed velvet leggings, and a longish shimmery top.
Neither of us said anything (why would you, he is our friend and we like him)
over the course of the time he stayed, things progressed and when he left he was wearing womens jewellery, make up as well as womens clothes.
I was surprised because it actually made me feel quite uncomfortable. He has a job that he goes to (i presume wearing mens clothes), and also has a beard. I just don't really know what to do - i didn't tell him i was uncomfortable, but if he comes again i would really prefer he wears mens clothes. Is this an acceptable thing for me to ask him do you think? or do i have to accept him for what makes him feel comfy despite the fact it makes me VERY uncomfy? or is it the end of the friendship because i can't make myself feel comfy with this? If he was worried what we would think, why didn't he just wear a tshirt?
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Al, I really don't think my underwear will fit you ;) xx
Bednobs, it's a difficult one - if you'd always known him as a crossdresser then suddenly had a problem with it then he'd have a reason to be upset with you, but he's moved the goalposts. You've always known him to dress as a man and even if you didn't feel uncomfortable, it'd still take a bit of getting used to. It is also your home and you're entitled to feel relaxed when you have guests.
Why not have a quiet word and explain that you just feel a little strange about it and ask if he could maybe tone it down a little when he visits, in order to give you some time to get used to it gradually. Explain that you don't want to lose his friendship, but you need to get used to the change in his appearance in order for you to be able to accept it without resenting him for making you feel awkward. I'm sure if you decided to suddenly become a naturist, he might be a little weirded out and hope that you'd make an effort to cover up when he was there :)
Bednobs, it's a difficult one - if you'd always known him as a crossdresser then suddenly had a problem with it then he'd have a reason to be upset with you, but he's moved the goalposts. You've always known him to dress as a man and even if you didn't feel uncomfortable, it'd still take a bit of getting used to. It is also your home and you're entitled to feel relaxed when you have guests.
Why not have a quiet word and explain that you just feel a little strange about it and ask if he could maybe tone it down a little when he visits, in order to give you some time to get used to it gradually. Explain that you don't want to lose his friendship, but you need to get used to the change in his appearance in order for you to be able to accept it without resenting him for making you feel awkward. I'm sure if you decided to suddenly become a naturist, he might be a little weirded out and hope that you'd make an effort to cover up when he was there :)
karenmac is right on the mark, but you will have to have the conversation face-to-face. if you use other forms of communication, your opionins, feelings and intentions may get misread by your friend and this could end a very good friendship and that doesn't necessarily need to happen. but...i also think your friend needs to respect boundaries and work with you in order to help you BOTH feel comfortable about this big change. if you ask him...i bet he felt a little weird too. good luck bednobs x
I don't think it's right you use the term 'bigot' Saxyjag.
A bigot is someone with one fixed view who expects everyone else to have the same view and who refuses to accept or allow others to voice a different opinion. Bednobs certainly isn't in that catagory. All she's doing is expressing her opinion which might agree with some but not with others. That's free and healthy debate. It's certainly not bigotry. A bigot will say that no one or everyone must accept cross-dressers and no one should have a different opinion to them.
A bigot is someone with one fixed view who expects everyone else to have the same view and who refuses to accept or allow others to voice a different opinion. Bednobs certainly isn't in that catagory. All she's doing is expressing her opinion which might agree with some but not with others. That's free and healthy debate. It's certainly not bigotry. A bigot will say that no one or everyone must accept cross-dressers and no one should have a different opinion to them.
its who he is whether you like it or not. i thnk you need to address why you are so bothered. they are just clothes, and they werent obscene, just not to your lilking, so why do you feel the need to basixally tell him how to dress for your benefit?
would you feel the same about a goth? or punk?
if any of my /friends/ told me i wasnt welcome because they didnt like my outfit. then id tell them to sod off...
would you feel the same about a goth? or punk?
if any of my /friends/ told me i wasnt welcome because they didnt like my outfit. then id tell them to sod off...
It obviously makes you uncomfortable,and as such I think you have to say so(in a tactful and calm way) to your friend.
You also have to find out(maybe from his g/f) if he is a transvestite,or if he just likes "dressing up".
It's not really fair that he flung this at you without any warning,which strikes me that he knew(to a certain extent) the effect it would have on you,and was "trying you out" so to speak.
Please don't be frightened to let him know how you feel,he shouldn't be making you feel this way in your own home.
If he IS a transvestite,you may find more help and information from The Beaumont Society:~
http://www.beaumontsociety.org.uk/
You also have to find out(maybe from his g/f) if he is a transvestite,or if he just likes "dressing up".
It's not really fair that he flung this at you without any warning,which strikes me that he knew(to a certain extent) the effect it would have on you,and was "trying you out" so to speak.
Please don't be frightened to let him know how you feel,he shouldn't be making you feel this way in your own home.
If he IS a transvestite,you may find more help and information from The Beaumont Society:~
http://www.beaumontsociety.org.uk/
Get over it. You are the one with the problem.
There was a time when a man wearing a pink shirt was considered cross dressing.
And a woman in trousers.
Women who demand equal rights and then baulk at a man wearing something pretty sh1t me.
Fortunately he has a girlfriend who is more understanding than you.
There was a time when a man wearing a pink shirt was considered cross dressing.
And a woman in trousers.
Women who demand equal rights and then baulk at a man wearing something pretty sh1t me.
Fortunately he has a girlfriend who is more understanding than you.
Sorry, but I agree with bednobs on this one.
I'd feel distinctly uncomfortable with a male friend in my house dressed in this way. Infact i'd be quite annoyed that he'd put me in that position in the first place. I do feel that he should have at least prewarned you that he was going to do this as well.
And apart from anything else, i'd have peed myself laughing- womens clothing and a beard? LOL
I'd feel distinctly uncomfortable with a male friend in my house dressed in this way. Infact i'd be quite annoyed that he'd put me in that position in the first place. I do feel that he should have at least prewarned you that he was going to do this as well.
And apart from anything else, i'd have peed myself laughing- womens clothing and a beard? LOL
I wrote my first post without reading the thread. I have read the other posts now and for the most you make me sick, especially the women.
It is typical of the hypocrisy of the "feminists" who demanded the rights to explore to everything without the limitations of gender prejudice but can't stomach a man who doesn't fit their traditional view.
The real problem in sexism moved long ago from men to women and this thread demonstrates that fact beyond doubt. I had thought better of the people at this site.
It is typical of the hypocrisy of the "feminists" who demanded the rights to explore to everything without the limitations of gender prejudice but can't stomach a man who doesn't fit their traditional view.
The real problem in sexism moved long ago from men to women and this thread demonstrates that fact beyond doubt. I had thought better of the people at this site.
Why do you have to "gewt over it"?
It makes you uncomfortable, and you're entitled to feel that way. It may be wrong for you (and me too) to feel that way, but the fact is, you (we) do.
Her friend should also take this into consideration when he comes to her house, or is it a case of "to hell with what you feel, this is me, deal with it?", im sorry, but i don't believe a friend would do this to you without at least trying to discuss it with you first.
It makes you uncomfortable, and you're entitled to feel that way. It may be wrong for you (and me too) to feel that way, but the fact is, you (we) do.
Her friend should also take this into consideration when he comes to her house, or is it a case of "to hell with what you feel, this is me, deal with it?", im sorry, but i don't believe a friend would do this to you without at least trying to discuss it with you first.
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