how to deal with a friend who has started cross dressing

[bednobs]

Hi, i need some sensible answers please (!)
i have always considered myself a fairly laid back person. A few weeks ago one of my friends and his girlfriend came to stay for a couple of nights. When they arrived, friend didn't take his coat off for ages. he went to the loo and g/f said to us he was nervous of taking his coat off because he didn't know how we would react to his attire.
When he did take his coat off, he had on crushed velvet leggings, and a longish shimmery top.
Neither of us said anything (why would you, he is our friend and we like him)
over the course of the time he stayed, things progressed and when he left he was wearing womens jewellery, make up as well as womens clothes.
I was surprised because it actually made me feel quite uncomfortable. He has a job that he goes to (i presume wearing mens clothes), and also has a beard. I just don't really know what to do - i didn't tell him i was uncomfortable, but if he comes again i would really prefer he wears mens clothes. Is this an acceptable thing for me to ask him do you think? or do i have to accept him for what makes him feel comfy despite the fact it makes me VERY uncomfy? or is it the end of the friendship because i can't make myself feel comfy with this? If he was worried what we would think, why didn't he just wear a tshirt?

[B00]

Hey, ditto to you too :-)

[joggerjayne]

If this friend takes himself too seriously, then HE is the one with issues.

If any of my pals turned up wearing a particularly dodgy top, or a crap hat, we would laugh at them ...

... and expect them to say ... It's a fair cop, but I happen to like this top/hat/etc.

Likewise, if they brought their other half, dressed in ladies clothing ...

We would not agonise ...

We would not psychoanalyse ...

We would just laugh at them.

That's just the way it is, because we are honest and open with our friends.

And if the cross dressing boyfriend can't handle a few friends laughing, then he sure as heck is not going to survive long in public places !!!

[beso]

Yea, bedknobs my faith is restored.

Focus on the parallels with the struggle women of the 70s had to overcome prejudice and understand that a man has a much harder row to hoe than any western woman ever faced. Women had solidarity. The gentle man so often copes in isolation. I take my hat off to your friend's partner. She is a woman who understands dignity and acceptance. Learn from her.

I struggled through my adolescence in the 70s as a man who cried, who had feelings, who wore pink shirts because he liked them. I felt the rejection of women who saw me as a reflection of my genitals, who ignored my emotionality and sense that women were my peers. A few good women and even fewer great men made my life a treasure in the face of a society that appeared to have had no place for me.

These are the men who can be that man "more like a woman" that so many women pretend they would prefer. These are the men you should encourage your daughters to understand if you want to change from a world dominated by macho aggression and feminist bigotry.

[Sqad]

JJ


Likewise, if they brought their other half, dressed in ladies clothing ...

We would not agonise ...

We would not psychoanalyse ...

We would just laugh at them.

JJ....this wasn´t just a night out.....in which case I would have laughed and taken the p1ss, but this was 2-3 days staying as your guests....

Different ball game ....oooops! sorry ...ball game indeed.

[joggerjayne]

I love pink shirts on men.

[Sqad]

JJ I love pink shirts on women....silk or satin, buttoned down the front and body hugging.

[piggynose]

maybe i´m the only one not at all shocked, as i grew up with a male cousin who was always cross dressing in the 70´s & 80´s.

[rowanwitch]

sounds like he needs some fashion advice...I have noticed a lot of men who wear womens clothes go OTT so it parodies femininity... I remember at a transvestite karaoke bar complimenting a chap who had it so right...girl cut jeans, shirt blouse and simple pumps his pals looked like drag queens.... it is difficult to deal with a change like this...but I think giving yourself a little more time is sensible...then if you really can't handle it ask him to tone it down...maybe to something closer to androgyny with a bit less slap ....but it is a compliment too...he obviously trusts you..

[B00]

no, beso's right there with you piggy :-)

I'd also have to face the interogation from my 6 year old if this happened to me....

"Mummy, why's that man wearing ladies clothes?"

That's not a conversation i'd want ot be having!

[joggerjayne]

Piggy ...

I agree (I think).

It's not shocking ... but it is funny.

sqad ... I don't think it matters. Have a good laugh, then forget it, and get on with the weekend.

[LoftyLottie]

I must admit that I had a cross dressing friend back in the 60's when it was definitely not the done thing!! He was a lovely bloke who was the chef in the restaurant I worked at when I was a student. Used to wear his Chef uniform during the day and then change and come out with us girls in the evening.

[beso]

I worked with a guy who had gender reassignment while we were colleagues To me that was sad that he felt that was the only way he could deal with his sense of femininity.

[jackthehat]

Cross-dressing and gender identity disorder are two very separate things.

[bednobs]

do you reckon if i asked him to explain it to me a bit more it would sound like i'm asking him to explaiin himself?

[China Doll]

Nah... I think asking for more information about something you're unsure about before coming to a final conclusion is a pretty good way of going about things.

[Sqad]

bednobs " I used to be indecisive, now I am not so sure" comes to mind.

Why ask for an explanation for a situation that will never be acceptable?

NO........and don´t return is the answer.

[joggerjayne]

Awwww ... sqaddy, that's mean.

He's only wearing ladies' clothes.

It's not like he came dressed as a Morris Dancer.

[Sqad]

JJ....I have never met Maurice Dancer so I cannot comment.;-)

[joggerjayne]

Probably best not to, sqad.

[bednobs]

Thanks, it's useful to get a range of answers before deciding what to do i reckon - some people have given me some things to think about that i hadn't considered before. Believe me, it dosen't feel all that ideal to ask random strangers about this, but after a few weeks of struggling to work out what i think (and whether it's reasonable) it seemed the next step forward.
As this friend was best man at my wedding and i do actually really like him, i don't just want to cut him off completely after 1 incident, as you are suggesting. I am finding it helpful to work out my own feelings by seeing other people's (for example, your reply has just told me that i don't feel like you do and therefore have to work out some way to resolve it)