End Of Marriage

[karenmac60]

So mr mac and I split up today. He's always been quite distant, we've never really had a physical relationship and I've been very frustrated and lonely over the years - some of which is medical and some down to his upbringing. I have been getting closer to a guy from work of late (nothing has happened) and his partner (who is also a colleague) found a text message from me saying I missed him. She has told all of my colleagues and bosses including mr mac. I can't say I blame her really but it's been a horrible day. Not expecting any sympathy - just saying.

[ELVIS68]

Do what you have to do, good luck x

[gness]

Hi Karen....I don't know how things will turn out for you but we're not around for long and having a marriage that has been cold and lonely is wrong and sad....you do have my sympathy for that. I really do hope that you can find happiness and be loved because it is nice. Love Gx

[Wharton]

In next to no time you'll be glad you got rid of the plook. Good luck girl.

[karenmac60]

Thanks. Especially to Gness - I think you might have more insight into things since mr mac is a kidney patient. He was on dialysis when we got together and had a transplant a year after we married. I feel so bad for him, I love him but I'm more of a mother/carer than a wife. It's so hard...

[Wharton]

Ah, sorry karenmac60, I didn't know the circumstances, but good luck for the future anyway.

[petal54]

all best wishes & take care

[Baldric]

Live your life for you for a while Karen, don't go rushing into anything, good luck.

[Mamyalynne]

Karen , I wish you all the very best for your future - you must feel strangely disconnected just now, but it seems to be the right move you have taken. As already said I hope you find true warmth and love.

[tonyav]

Very sad karen, but it's your life and you must live it as you see fit. Good luck karen I hope that you find love and happiness.

[gness]

Karen...we had a very strong relationship and twenty years of marriage before the kidney failure. I do recall being told how many marriages break down because of the changes this illness brings and I did see some in the years we dealt with it.
Dialysis changes some people on an almost daily basis. Transplant...though wonderful....and the drugs that have to be taken change things too. There is one particular drug that men sometimes have to take that can cause dreadful personality changes.....It almost caused us to break up til he agreed to stop taking it.
Yes, you do change from wife and lover to carer and mother and that is so very hard.....you haven't got the years that I had to draw on for the strength to deal with that.
Of course you feel bad and sad for him.....but that is no basis for a relationship and is unfair on you both.
Whatever you decide, Karen and whatever happens...you have one life too so don't spend it being sad and miserable.....yes you will feel guilty. Comes with the territory I'm afraid....but maybe putting ourselves first sometimes isn't so bad......Chat anytime......Love Gx

[Barmaid]

Karen, I've been there and done this. However crap you feel now, try and remember "this too will pass". I wish you the very best. Trust me, it WILL get better. All the best BMx

[karenmac60]

Thank you all so much - you have no idea how much this means to me. I'm sitting here bawling my eyes out as I have been for most of the day - but this time it's because people see my side. Thank you xx

[Mass_Hysteria]

You sound like a lovely lady Karen, not just this thread but previously, thinking of you, chin up! Positive thinking!

[karenmac60]

Thanks Mass - and again, all of you xxx

[ChillDoubt]

Will never divulge on here what happened in my marriage but no doubt some of us have been in similar situations so can and will sympathise as well as empathise.
Don't want to trivialise a very traumatic time but the Stereophonics have an album titled aptly 'You Gotta Go There There To Come Back', which you undoubtedly will.
However it all turns out, you will have the help and best wishes from here, which at times will bring you comfort.
Thoughts with you.

[ELVIS68]

So she has told all your colleagues and bosses?

To me that sounds like a woman who's not that bothered about keeping her man, look at that as a positive, as you say nothing's happened but she's already bleating about it to everyone over a text message.

Don't beat yourself up over this, life goes on x

[Brinjal]

You must look to your own happiness. Its a shame it came about as it did but we all deserve to be happy. Take your time dont rush into anything Iand I hope you find real happiness and contentment.

[boxtops]

Karen - I feel for you. Different set of circs but I had a split (relatively amicable but oh so painful for both of us) 25 years ago. It's not nice, it's hard, but you know you have done the right thing for you. Life is too short if things are not as they should be, and you need some space just for you. Don't rush into anything new - find out who the new You is, before you do that. You may be different when you come out the other end - I know I was.

Good luck, and we're here if you want to ramble a bit.