stepson

[sweetmag]

i heave lived with my partner know for 4 years he has a son who is 13 to his ex wife. my partner got sole custody of his son as his mother moved away and left him they have very little contact and i regard him as my own son as i have really become his main carer. but do i really have any say in what he does because i am not really his parent. by the way we get on extremely well

[scruffscat]

it takes someone very special to take on someone elses child..i salute you! i think you can have more of a say if you adopt him legally it would be wise to get legal advice though

[undercovers]

at the moment you have no legal right to influence his life e.g. you are his carer only by proxy - his father is his main and sole carer and you are assisting him so if you and your man disagree the law would always favour the father as you have no legal standing

[undercovers]

sorry that came across as really emotionless - didn't mean to be so matter of factly about it all, i also salute you for caring so much and wish you and your young one all the best

undercovers

[sweetmag]

thankyou all very much for your answers i think i will look into adoption but if anybody knows does his mother have any say if i wished to adopt him?

[Pippa68]

I think you have every right to have a say in what he does as you are (by default!) his main carer..after all you have the role his mother should have ~ you are not a mainstream stepmum.

With regards to adoption, yes his natural mother would have a say as she is still his mother ~ however the court would take the childs needs into account above anything else. If his mother really has no interest in contact it may well be a worthwhile cause.

Good luck ~ you are doing a great job :o)

[undercovers]

pippa morally i feel you are correct in your first statement regarding the childs care, but legally i can assure you sweetmag has no standing - a difficult but quite frequent situation that can cause much heartache to families when unexpected events occur.

regarding adoption - you should carefully view the information regarding the mothers rigths and responsibilities that the court will have laid out when sole custody was granted to you partner, if he truely is the "sole" carer then the mother will have lost all rights to influence any decisions regarding the sons future care. You will clearly need a solicitor if you intend to go through the adoption route (and obviously the full support of your partner) i would advice you go and talk to them re this for any more info as they will be able to help so much more than we can here. Many solicitors will offer a few first half hour so you could get a feel for some of the probs or issues you would need to address even before you decide to actually do anything.

good luck and all the best
undercovers

[Pippa68]

I agree with you undercovers. I know that legally stepmums have no rights (I am a stepmum myself..and it's bloody hard going) I misunderstood the question, obviously..I was referring to discipline ;o)

I was adopted by my stepfather many moons ago due to my natural fathers disinterest. He relinquished all responsibility, and I think it was fairly straightforward.

However, this may be a totally different situation as we are talking about a mother ~ although she seems to want nothing to do with her son, when push comes to shove she may well kick up a stink with regards to adoption.

Rest assured though, courts DO consider the childrens welfare above anything else. I have spent several weeks in court dealing with residency/contact etc & have certainly been through the mill!