bednobs update - not good news i'm afraid

[bednobs]

hi all, just posting to let you all know how i am doing as some of you have been very kind to ask i think it will be quite helpful to me to write down wahts in my mind anyway.
Unfortunately, when i went for my obs appointment this week, thye found that the baby has not grown enough since the last scan. This is owing to placental insufficiency -the placenta is not giving the baby all it needs. The only rememdy is to deliver, but the baby is too small to survive (showing at 22.5 weeks, despite me being 26 weeks) and it is only 1lb.
This is really too awful to even write down, but i now just have to wait for the baby to die and then deliver. I have to have another scan next week, or if i stop feeling movemenents before then, ring up and go in to be induced. There are so many things going through my head, yet i know there is worse to come. I have an overwhelming feeling of having let everyone down. This baby was so wanted and i couldn't even look after it. I am 36 now and probably wont have another chance, even if i did want to try. I just have sat at home for the last few days, watching dvd's and surfing because as soon as i stop i start to think, about what labour will be like, about silly things like funerals, registering a birth and death on the same day, whether you can even get a dead baby christened, things i can't say out loud, wondering if i want to go on, all the while both dreading and anticipating any movements because each one is like a knife in the heart
I know this is heavy stuff for what is essentially a frothy website, and i'm sorry, i just need to get it out

[ummmm]

Ask me bednobs if you want to chat to Joe.....

[email protected]. I'll pass on her email address to you.

Thinking of you xx

[bednobs]

thanks for all the offers. Just can't really bear to discuss it at the moment though thanks.

[karenmac60]

Bednobs, this must all be so hard for you. I can't begin to imagine how you must be feeling. My mum lost a baby at 6 months, but she went on to have my sister and I with no problems. Many years later my mum's sister had to have her baby delivered at about 28 weeks and he was given very low odds at survival, he was absolutely tiny, but he was a fighter. He's now a strapping 22 year old with a baby of his own. Don't give up hope and don't blame yourself x

[Bobbisox]

oh my heart goes out to you bednobs, my daughter went into labor at 23 weeks, Ben was born the first day of the 24week weighing 1lb 10 ozs, please do't give up hope, I prayer everything will be fine, my daughter was 35 at the time, he suvived and is doing well

[bednobs]

thanks again. I went to hospital last night and the baby has died. I was given some pills today, and am booked to go back in on friday, to start the labour process. i didn't realise you had to wait so long

[micmak]

You poor girl. My heart goes out to you. I am truly sorry for your very sad situation.

[pastafreak]

Oh bednobs....I feel so sorry for your loss. I really have no words that can ease your pain. Just be strong hun. As I and others have said,do not see this as the end. You are still young enough. But do give yourself time to heal,and make use of any strength you can gain from those around you. xx

[carmalee]

awful for you Bednobs - it has all be said and meant so all I can do is echo all the previous posts. - lots of people thinking of you and sending strength to help you through this.

[jackthehat]

I'm afraid I have nothing wise or profound to say, bednobs.
You and Mr bednobs have my deepest condolences and most sincere best wishes.

[bednobs]

thank you, i don't really need wise or profound, as there is nothing to say really. It's just nice to know i can "speak" about it here as i haven't been able to speak to anyone in real life

[Dris]

I am so very very sad for you and your partners loss.
My heart truly bleeds for you.

[ttfn]

Dear bednobs, I am so saddened to read this. Keep on talking if it helps you. All 3 of you will be in my prayers ♥

[k8bailey]

Bednobs, I'm so sorry for your loss. Thinking of you and Mr.B. x

[redcrx]

Im so sorry bednobs xx

[sara3]

Bednobs, that is so very sad. I am sorry xx

[China Doll]

I am very sorry for yours and Mr bednobs loss.

[4getmenot]

bednobs you say you can only speak on here, are you talking alot to your bloke? you both need to talk lots and need eachothers support right now. So sorry to hear about your loss xx

[lcg]

my thoughts and hugs are with you, bednobs. do try and use your family in some way - hugs, tears or silence if actually saying the words out loud are too much. we are always here for everything else x

[askyourgran]

I am so sorry bedknobs, <<<<<<<<<hugs>>>>>>>>>>>>> for you and Mr B.

[marval]

I am very sorry to hear your sad news, my heart cries for you. Just take care and have plenty of rest. My thoughts are with you both at this sad time.xx