Oh god, here we go :)

[lucylocket69]

So was sitting in my office minding my own business when in walks the boss:

"How do you make a venitian blind?"

" Oh, god knows Sir, I don't know, sorry"

"You poke him in the eye hahahahahahaha"

And out he walks again. I though oh god, going to be one of those days. Have anyof you heard any real cr@p jokes lately, where you laugh because they aren';t funny? I'd love to him them haha

[jno]

how do you make a Maltese cross? tell him Venetian blind jokes.

[raysparx1]

What would you call theft in Peking?


A Chinese takeaway

[raysparx1]

Tell me" said the tourist to the local . "Will this path take me to the main road?"


"No !", replied the man. "You'll have to go by yourself!"

[Baby Jane]

now Im wetting myself, this is such a funny thread.

[whiffey]

Bloodnok: Now Neddie, pull up a chair and sit down.
Seagoon: I'd rather stand, if you don't mind.
Bloodnok: Well, pull up a floor then.

[raysparx1]

What does "Minimum" mean?

A very small mum.



Where does a general keep his armies?

Up his sleevies.

[carrust]

Whats the fastest thing with 3 wheels underwater?

A motor pike & side carp!!

[carrust]

What goes clip?

A 1 legged horse!!

[raysparx1]

What kind of fish can't swim ?

Dead ones !!



Why do polar bears have fur coats?

Because they look silly in anoraks. !!

[carrust]

What does Dr Who have with his pizza?

Dalek bread!!

[Joe_the_Lion]

Why do Spainish prostitutes work during their menstrual cycle?

Because they wont let a Diego by.

[lucylocket69]

These are excellent guys, cracking up here!

One guy: My wife's gone away for the week, left me all alone



Another guy: Awww that's a shame. Jamaica?



One guy: Nah, she wanted to go


Mwahahahahahahaha

[Maggoty]

My boss used to love the one

Q how do you make a one-armed man fall out of a tree?
A wave to him

Not even funny !! It was seeing the boss in hysterics time and time again that was the funny part about that joke

[Joe_the_Lion]

Why did the Roman soldier smile when he dined on his wife?

Because he was Glad He Ate Her

[~max~]

What's red and sits in the corner?
A naughty london bus....

[carrust]

What's black, white & brown & rolls around on the floor?

A nun with the monk on !!

[Joe_the_Lion]

Whats the definition of a West Country virgin?

A girl who can outrun her father and brother.

[carrust]

How can you tell when an Essex girl has had an orgasm?

She drops her chips!!

[Clanad]

A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory...
A day without sunshine is like, night...
A flashlight is a cylindrical metal case for holding dead batteries...
Note found on farmer's kitchen table "Auntie Em, Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. Dorothy."
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes...
"You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy and the tallest guy in the National Basketball Association is Chinese."
-Chris Rock
Give a man a fish and he has food for a day; teach him how to fish and you can get rid of him for the entire weekend...

[Joe_the_Lion]

A man walks into an electrical repair shop and says "Can anybody mend my food mixer?"

The assistant said "Kenwood"

The man says "OK, where can I find him?"