Really Struggling At The Moment.

[Traci66]

Husband died three months ago, I thought I was coping okay, this last week has been really hard though, literally can't keep any food down, crying, can't sleep and feel so alone even though I have family around me. My question is, why now?

[Traci66]

Thanks for all your kind words, I just feel so out of control of myself, I have never felt like this before, not when I lost my dad or my mum.

[murraymints]

it is ok to feel that way..honest...xx

[Traci66]

Carpy, sorry for your loss too.

[grasscarp]

Thank you Traci (and dear Yogi). Traci 24 hours a day there will be someone here to talk to. Hope you sleep well tonight x

[Patsy33]

Never easy Traci. Time is a great healer. In the meantime you need to grieve, go with your emotions. Some days will be easier than others. I think this time of year with Christmas coming up too, makes it harder. Big hugs.xx

[DTCwordfan]

This is all about change management and, Traci, and others, you have come through the initial shock and then it starts to reflect with things around the question 'why' (why me, why him or her), and then slowly how we build ourselves out of this. There is no timing to all of this, just the typical phases we go through to any shock, death, injury, job loss, whatever. Christmas time and birthdays can act as fulcrum points.....so, Traci, what you are going through is normal - and, apart from AB, talk to your family, confidantes, friends, even Minty's Cruse.......sharing and caring is half the battle to keep moving forward - and without forgetting who or what we have lost.

[chrissa1]

It'll be six years this coming February since I lost my husband and I can assure you, that it will, get easier. Don't bottle up how you feel, and as has been said, come on here and chat. I had lots of help from the Abers back in 2011 and it really helped.

I would advise a chat with your doctor, too. He could help you through this difficult, early period.

Take care. X

[jourdain2]

So sorry for your loss - and grasscarp, I am also sending you electronic hugs.

Traci, when my mum died unexpectedly I had a full-time teaching job and early teenage children. I coped magnificently, everyone said so. 9 months later I had a breakdown such as you describe. My doctor said that it was common , like a reverse pregnancy. See your doc.. I had the help of knowing I will be reunited with my mum later as well. It still has to be gone through, I'm afraid.

[jennyjoan]

If it is of any help to you Traci - when I had bereavements, loss of jobs, changing of jobs, having to get used to new management - I was always ready to quit quite quick but found by my schedules it literally took me a good 2 years or more to come to terms to it.

At the mo my cousin is in a quandary so I have told her to give it 2 years. So for you Tracy time is young for you.

Never make a decision whatever it could be ( for at least or more than 2 years) ie moving to a new home, retirement place or whatever. Give it that 2 years and good luck with whatever decision you make.

[jennyjoan]

Patsy - I don't know about time being a great healer (a cliche) - that loss of person is always in your heart (forever for me) no time limited.

And of course everybody is different.

[ummmm]

I haven't read all the answers but it took me about 4 years to come to terms with my dads death.

We don't give ourselves enough time. Grief is a long process, there's no time limit, cry, let yourself mourn, don't worry about other people..

Put on a song that reminds you of him and cry your eyes out xx

[NoMercy]

I lost my brother in 2004 and I recall that it was around 3 or 4 months later that it just suddenly hit me.

You have many hurdles yet to overcome and you will keep thinking "this time last year" until the first year has passed.

There's not much anyone can say, except time is a great healer. Right now your grief is raw and unbearable but it will get better. Let your loved ones help and comfort you in any way they can.

My thoughts are with you, Traci xx

[waterboatman]

Traci there is always someone on here, any time of day to help. I know exactly how you are feeling, as do many others, so we all understand and will help if we can. xxxxx

[mallyh]

i feel for you Traci my daughter is going through the same things you described .when she cries we don't try to stop her just hold her .silly things start her crying ,a song .a mug he used .tv programme ,and with Christmas coming it will be hard .I send you big hugs and hope that happy memories of your husband will eventually overtake the pain you are feeling xx

[Samuraisan]

Sorry to hear of your loss and pain Traci. Sending you a cyber hug , try to enjoy your family. Especially if there are little children around, I bet your husband wouldn't have wanted you to be so very sad and feeling so alone. Good luck.

[Traci66]

Thank you everyone for your kind words, wish I could award best answer to all. On a plus, not been as bad today.

[Mamyalynne]

Chatting and updating us here about it will help a little, when my Husband died I got tremendous support here, everyone was great. xxx