Hi mnko I have just sat and read this from start to finish and find it very very sad. I know how it feels to be depressed, I have had depression for 11 years or so. Still on tablets and cannot even drop them down to one from two. Please ,Please go to your doctor, close friend, church or just sit down with your wife and talk about how you are feeling. You have a lovely wife you say and children. Dont live them feeling guilty all thier lives wondering what "They "did wrong, because they will blame themselves, for their whole life. They do deserve better dont they? Being without a daddy will break their hearts. And your wife must love you dearly for what you are and who you are. Please think about them and not yourself. Days will get better and the black cloud will lift. I promise.! we are all with you in thought. take each day at a time.ok. Brenda xx