Its everything thats driving me away!

[torn-in-two]

Hey...

Long time since I tried this out and so i thought i'd look for advice.

Me and my boyfriend of a year and a half have broken up just recently. I decided to break it off for many reasons... fighting alot, His way of going on now, He has also cheated on me before But also his violence has been starting... He's began when he gets angery to bunch tv's, walls, throws stuff, But he has also kinda hit me.. he pushes me.. and Recently grabbed me by the face/ neck. He's not violent but it just happens sometimes. I love him with all my heart and we have decided to stay friends. He's begging me to get back with him and he's not all that bad as it sounds but its all getting me down.

So I was looking for advice on what you think I should do or what you think would be a good next move.

thanks..

x.x.x

[HJT40]

Hi,

Well something obviously isn't right and isn't making you happy.

He might or might not be as bad as all that, but when you look 6 months or 2 years down the line what do you see? Can you imagine being happy and in love with him? Or would you be worried about his temper still? If he loses his temper like that then there is a problem. Do you want to wake up every morning worrying about him losing his temper again or do you want to wake up next to someone who brings a smile to your face.

Is he good enough for you? Too many of us settle for what we have because we believe or have been made to believe that we do not deserve better and it is not something that would happen to us, so we make do.

Life is too short, go have fun, take some time and enjoy your space, if it is meant to be then you will find away back together, on equal terms and because you want to be together.

My advice, for what it is worth, you go and find yourself and learn to be happy on your own for a while and maybe you will find that you do deserve better.

Good luck

[mimie]

I agree with the above post. Believe me, once a man is able to dominate you physically - albeit if only sometimes at the moment it will escalate with time. Many people who lose their temper and resort to physical abuse are not all "bad" and it's the nicer apsects of their personality that it is hard to let go of........But unfortunately someone with a bad temper will not change.
Try and broaden your horizons and not allow him to emotionally blackmail you to have him back. He will tell you everything you want to hear and promise you the earth but within a short period you will be exactly where you started i'm afraid!
Get back to being "you" and find someone who you can be happy, sad, row with, laugh with and talk to - who you will not be afraid of.
Good luck

[CarlaLaLa]

once they hit you, get out it WILL get worse!! especially now he's done it. Be strong ou worth more xx

[redcrx]

"He's not violent but it just happens sometimes"

how regularly would he need to do it before you change your opinion? Im sorry but that is violence!

you argue, fight and he throws things and punches objects? Id suggest keeping him at arms length for now, get away from him and try to come to terms with being single. Whilst you are still in the early stages itll be too easy to go back.

give yourself space and him time to think and who knows, he may change or you may find that theres someone else out there for you who doesnt lose their temper.

[Aprilis]

I'm afraid I have to agree with CarlaLaLa. Once they have started to assault you....and IT IS assault no matter how you play it down....it will never stop. I've been there myself and it got worse and worse until I realised that by staying with the bloke I was, despite my protests, accepting his behaviour and there were no real consequences to deter him. Therefore I was effectively giving him license to continue. It took me a long time to get the message but once it got through to my thick head I realised that if I got knocked about anymore it would be my own fault for allowing him the opportunity to do it. I knew I was worth more than that and the relationship was over from that moment on...no matter how much I loved him. After the first instance you can only be treated as badly as you allow yourself to be. You don't deserve to be someone's punchbag and believe me, that's where this situation is going if you don't put a stop to it right now.

[Octavius]

Now that you have taken steps to end the relationship, you should move on with your life and have a break from him. If you take a while to sort things out for yourself and then after a year or so re-assess whether it might be worth trying again.

You need time to really understand that you broke up for a reason and until you have a clear mind, those reasons won�t change. In fact if you get back with him now he will probably believe he has control over you, or he may even treat you worse still because you dumped him in the first place.

I doubt these men change, its just the women who accept that these people aren�t THAT bad and put up with it. Except in my mind they are that bad. There is no reason or excuses for violence in a loving relationship, so why try and make them for him? Get away and think again.

[showcatbenga]

Ditto what octavius said with bells on!