Update to "without anybody stating the obvious"....

[Smowball]

Well I did indeed confront him last night with the statement - he looked so stunned that he didnt even think to ask why it was open. composed himself very quickly then said it was towards his daughters future, then when i said why he has never once put money away weekly in the last 8 years, then chooses the exact month we got into dire financial worries he just wouldnt answer. Just kept repeating he could do what he likes for his daughter with his money. But you know that certain people do a specific thing when they are lying, like not looking you in the eye, or a nervous cough etc, well he has a specific thing that he does and he was difinitely lying. Havent a clue where to go from here now : (

[mazie]

Hope it all turns out OK for you Smow xx

[Smowball]

thankyou brenda and mazie. At the mo he has been in froom work for hours and hasnt uttered a single word to me. Am just going to leave it for the mo, dont think re starting the conversation is going to help. lets see what tomorrow brings x

[pusskin]

I've been thinking of you smowball, hoping you soon resolve all your worries. take care, pusskins xx

[Smowball]

aww thankyou pusskin. I was just going to post an update anyway. Well, up until this morning he hadnt uttered a single word to me since "the chat". I was getting so miserable. Then thir morning I thought I would try a different approach. I decided to ask him if he still wanted this marriage to work. If the answer was gona be no then I didnt need to ask anymore . He said yes he did. i asked on a scale on 1 to 10. He said 10. So then I asked again about the money. He swore its for his daughter and its in her regular account as she is barely here and never touches the account anyway. ( the past 3 contacts have been cancelled by the mother). so he says he wants her to know that he is providing for her future. I said well i want to put the same amount away for my son. He said if it comes ourt of my own money. I said ok. Sooo not sure if i have resolved much but its a step forward - I think!

[sallybb]

Glad your getting somewhere with him.

[ummmm]

Ahhh....that makes more sense now you've said that the mother has cancelled the last three visits. Sounds like a typical male and thinking practically...putting money into her account is hard evidence that he cares about her, regardless of what her mother tells her.

[pusskin]

keep your chin up Smowwball, and dont be scared to ask him anything that you have on your mind. I've kept things to myself over the years and its almost destroyed me! I hope you can keep talking to him when the accasion arises. Good luck, and take care x

[Smowball]

You lot have been so briliant. Yes the mother even cancelled yesterdays pick up for half term saying she was taking the daugher away, even though his court order states he is to have her. He isnt even able to speak to her. For some odd reason the girl will not even ring her father when she is with her mother so he hasnt been able to speak to her since August. So, as for me putting money away for my son out of my own money, well its still the same as coming out of our bank isnt it?? lol. But I guess in his head it means im doing it and not him. ie if the money for his child came outt of our joint bank then it wouldnt be just him providing, it would be me as well. Anyway, i do feel a bit better : )

[Smowball]

P.S I asked why he lied when I first asked him about money and he said that he thought I would be angry that he had started it up when we were struggling financially. Does this all make reasonable sense?

[ummmm]

Yes, it does make sense :-)

[Smowball]

well and a bright and breezy moning to you too ummm : )

[ummmm]

I'm glad it's sorted. I'm glad you didn't listen to some of the comments on here. :-)

[Smowball]

I know, i was getting a bit freaked over the love child scenario! Anyway, me thinks you cant change a person over night so slowly slowly catchee monkey, (in getting him to open up a bit more). Son wnt out yesterday with friend, and so, over glass of wine I sat down and said to him that when he is very secretive it amakes me think the worst and he should try and be a bit more open with me. Dont know if it did any good but at least I was saying how I felt while we were both calm. And thankyou for being so nice : )

[ummmm]

You're welcome :-) x

[puddle-duck]

wow, quite a thread. Nothing much to add that hasn't already been said. Wish you well & hope you can both work through this.

[Smowball]

puddle-duck, you didnt read the entire thread did you?? : )

[ummmm]

lol

[Smowball]

hello ummm, hope ur fine and dandy