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Mortartube

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Mortartube
A bloke came running into my house the other day and said, "There's a bloke outside with a number plate on his head". I said "That'll be our Reg".
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When did modern perspective first become used in painting and drawing and is it attributable to a single artist? For instance, this Mediaeval picture is flat and has no modern style perspective. The...
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Mortartube
Can anyone please put me out of my misery as to which Woody Allen film this scene comes from. He is being chased and he runs out of a side street into the main street. A Ku Klux Klan parade is...
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One night when I was on a business trip to Bangkok, I decided to go out to a club for a drink. As I walked down the street, a local girl stepped from a doorway and said. "Where you going?". I said "I...
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Who lives next door, keeps crapping on my lawn, and his dog's just as bad.
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Has three ears. The left ear, the right ear and the final frontier.
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I have just made this today using some ripe plums that I had. I highly recommend it. http://www.waitrose.com/recipe/Plum_Sponge_Cak e.aspx
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Why when we wash the dishes are we said to be washing up? Why do we assign a direction to the action of cleaning them?
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When I was young. my dad said to me "What do you want to be when you are older?" I said "I want to be an auditer on my own egg farm". He said "Don't count your chickens before they're hatched"
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I wondered how the dental tablets work, that stain and show up plaque where you have not brushed properly? Are they just a PH indicator or are they more clever than that and actually detect and stain...
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A guy is sitting in the public gallery of a court room where a murder trial is taking place. The judge said to the accused. "This is one of the worst cases that I have ever heard. First you took a...
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I went into my local computer shop and asked if they could recommend a good hard drive. The guy behind the counter said "Try London to Moscow in a Fiat Punto."
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I have often seen films where a monarch dies and someone says something like "The King is dead. Long live the King". What does this actually mean? Does it mean the monarch is dead, long live the new...
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Not so long ago a tin of the cheapest supermarket own brand tomatoes was about 17p, now they are about 33p. Is this just seasonal fluctuations in price or a poor harvest or just greed?
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A coach driver has taken a load of blind people out for a summer outing. He is driving them back home when he notices a lovely little pub by a village green. Having been driving all day in the summer...
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Hi, this is bugging me. There is a WWII film where the Germans take a number of P.O.W's and shoot them in the snow, but there is a lovely Christmas carol playing in the background as this happens....
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Two snowmen in a field. One says to the other. "Can you smell carrots"?
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I want to buy a wasp. The guy behind the counter said "We don't sell wasps". I said "Well, you've got one in the window".
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Seeing Carrusts joke. I thought it would be nice to revive some old gems of the past. Q, What's rusty and chained to the railings of Canterbury Cathedral? A. Terry Waites bicycle.
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I know in the USA, you can but "Liquid Smoke" to give that smokey flavour to homemade BBQ sauces, can you get a similar product in the U.K? I have never seen it on sale here.

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