If I had a name like this I would have to change it by deed poll:- 1. Miss Sexsmith.....2. Mr Bates.....3.Miss Scratchard.....4.Miss Nookey.....5.Mr Payne (Dentist). These are genuine names. Has...
For several things including heartburn / indigestion. On checking my receipt today I found it was £1.28. Now I realise that grocery's have really gone up in price, but bloody hell at the beginning of...
Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good Dog. 1. I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it up. 2. I will not roll on dead...
You know why a woman's work is never done? They don't get up early enough. And then she asked "What's the best form of birth control after 50?" and I said "Nudity". When you think about it God has to...
John was waiting to cross the road when a blind man approached with his guide-dog. The traffic sign turned green and instead of helping its master to cross the road, the dog raised its rear leg and...
Into hospital by emergency ambulance about a week ago. She lives alone, but carers come in 3 times a day to tend to her. Tonight a patient ambulance brought her home. This was at about 10.30 pm. The...
A man goes into his son's room to wish him goodnight. His son is having a nightmare - the man wakes him and asks his son if he is OK? The son replies he is scared because he has dreamt that Auntie...
Our beloved 15 year old spaniel died yesterday. She had seen the vet last week - he said she was a sturdy old girl and could go on for ages. Then she took a stroke at the weekend, seemed to rally...
Tried this in Food and Drink around Christmas,only got one answer and that has disappeared. For his next birthday,I would like to take my husband to Heston Blumenthals restaurant in Bray. I realise it...
A large woman is in a supermarket checking over the fresh chickens. She picks up one and sniffs it all over. Front side, top side, underneath it's wings, between it's legs, in fact not a square...
Hi there I was on the phone to DWP to this really officious woman and I lost the plot and I called her a F*** b. She then said "calls are recorded and you will be having contact" at that point I put...
being held across the road from me at the moment, it's in the community hall for the senior citizens in our parish, the music is blaring and I can still hear it even though I'm in my back bedroom,...