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Rondy

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Rondy

Doctor..doctor

"Doctor, Doctor, please help! I'm getting married soon and I can't get over my fear of wedding vows. Do you know of a cure?" "I can't say I do." "Not you as well!" ------------------------------- As a...
12:57 Wed 04th Nov 20206 answers, last by Spicerack 10:29 Thu 05th Nov 2020
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Rondy

Stealing

I Got caught stealing a leg of lamb from the supermarket. The security guard said, "What are you doing with that?" I replied, "Potatoes, peas and gravy!"...
19:46 Tue 03rd Nov 20207 answers, last by Spicerack 11:46 Wed 04th Nov 2020
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Rondy

A Sex Object

I think my wife is a sex object. Every time I ask for sex she objects. ____________ My girlfriend just rang to say Gavin from AutoGlass has just been and injected his resin into her crack... I'm not...
19:10 Mon 02nd Nov 20201 answer, last by Patsy33 11:36 Tue 03rd Nov 2020
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Rondy

Job Interview

In a shoe shop: "These shoes might be tight for the next two weeks." "Don’t worry. I’ll start wearing them in three weeks time then." __________________________ “Have you been sleeping by an open...
10:11 Mon 02nd Nov 2020
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Rondy

Snail Fight

Terrible fight in the garden last night. Two snails took their shell-suits off and were slugging it out. It took ages. _______________ The police have finally found the guys who stole kid's my...
12:44 Sun 01st Nov 20202 answers, last by Patsy33 12:55 Sun 01st Nov 2020
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Rondy

A Letter To Donald Trump

Kim Jong Un decided to send Donald Trump a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still in the game. Trump opened the letter which appeared to contain a single line coded message...
17:35 Sat 31st Oct 20203 answers, last by zebo 16:58 Sun 01st Nov 2020
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Rondy

More Puns

I cooked a curry for the Mrs last night but she wouldn't eat it because I put Ginger in it..... Apparently she loved that Cat !!! ___________________________ I went to the Doctor's today and he asked...
13:43 Sat 31st Oct 20202 answers, last by marval 23:06 Sun 01st Nov 2020
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Rondy

And More

My wife just found out I replaced our bed with a trampoline... She hit the roof! -------------------- I have to go to work at the museum tonight moving suits of armour around... I hate knight shifts!...
10:42 Sat 31st Oct 2020
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Rondy

Jimmy's Dead!!

Jimmy died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly. The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two best friends, Darryl and Gary. The three men had always done...
13:48 Fri 30th Oct 2020
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Rondy

Under The Hammer

A judge tells the defendant, “You’re charged with attacking your boss with a hammer.” “You ***!” yells a voice from the back of the courtroom. “You’re also charged with attacking a bartender with...
14:35 Thu 29th Oct 2020
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Rondy

It's The Way I Tell Em

The annual Cambridge v Oxford Boat Race will be only available via a stream from 2021 _______________________________________ My wife said, "Did you know butterflies only live for one day?" I said,...
13:45 Thu 29th Oct 2020
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Rondy

My Wife

The police came to my front door last night holding a picture of my wife. They said, "Is this your wife sir?" Shocked, I answered, " Yes." They said, "I'm afraid it looks like she has been hit by a...
17:21 Wed 28th Oct 20201 answer, last by Patsy33 22:29 Wed 28th Oct 2020
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Rondy

And There's More

A 'Dominic Cummings' is now a golfing term... It means a really long drive that goes out of bounds but there's no penalty! -------------------------------------- I’ve been saying "mucho" to my Spanish...
14:01 Wed 28th Oct 20201 answer, last by Ken4155 14:06 Wed 28th Oct 2020
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Rondy

My Twin Brother

I introduced my new girlfriend to my family last night. "This is my dad Roger," I said. "And this is my twin brother Dave." "Nice to meet you, she smiled. "Who's the oldest?" I said, "My dad!"...
19:56 Tue 27th Oct 20204 answers, last by Canary42 20:58 Tue 27th Oct 2020
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Rondy

Egypt Pandemic

The Government in Egypt has asked the city's taxi drivers to drive around Cairo sounding their car horns. It is hoped that the familiar sounds of the city will induce a return to tranquillity and...
19:41 Mon 26th Oct 20202 answers, last by marval 19:52 Tue 27th Oct 2020
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Rondy

Camping Holiday

The insurance company told me if I go on a camping holiday and my tent gets nicked then I won't have any cover! ____________________ It’s crazy how fast milk floats are driven these days... One blink...
10:18 Sun 25th Oct 2020
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Rondy

Covid Lockdown

I've had enough of this lockdown now. If Michael Barrymore invited me to a pool party, I'd probably go. ________________________________ Last night on television, I heard a famous psychologist and...
15:52 Sat 24th Oct 20202 answers, last by marval 20:19 Sat 24th Oct 2020
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Rondy

More Fun

My mate has invited me to a nudist party next week... It seems strange but to be honest, I might go if I have nothing on! __________________________________________ My optician has just told me that...
08:17 Sat 24th Oct 20203 answers, last by marval 18:24 Sat 24th Oct 2020
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Rondy

My Mother In Law

Last Christmas I bought the mother-in-law a parrot... Two weeks later she brought it round saying "It's ***, it doesn't saying anything!" The parrot pipes up, "She hasn't given me a bloody chance...
18:15 Fri 23rd Oct 20202 answers, last by Tilly2 19:34 Fri 23rd Oct 2020
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Rondy

Driving Test

The wife passed her driving test yesterday. I told he I would buy her something cheap to run around in if she passed. Well she did pass, so I bought her a pair of trainers from Aldi....
17:51 Thu 22nd Oct 20201 answer, last by Patsy33 12:35 Fri 23rd Oct 2020

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