son

[tradey]

please i need some advice,when i was 15 i fell pregnant had my son at the age of 16,i was with my sons father just before my son turned 2,i meet this great lad who im still with now after 21yrs,the thing is ive never told my son this isnt his biological dad,hes going out with a girl whos in her last year at school someone has come up to her today and said that hes my sons brother,my son has been on the phone to me asking questions as his girlfriend has told him what this boys said,please i need help what do i do,i could cry my hubbys away working,do i carry on telling my son its all a lie ignor whats being said,god i really really need advice,my son has also said this lads dads got my sons birth cirtificut,ive got it its got my madan name on it and no fathers name help me please

[tradey]

my date of birth is 12/09/68 well in just under two years ill be 40.im not lying about this at all ive been coming on here for ages now and thought it was a place to ask people things and get things off your chest my be i was wrong,cant anyone ask for advice anymore without being put down wont bother in future there happy now naz

[redcrx]

naz, this may help, if ive worked it out correctly lol. It does make sense, to me anyway.

son born 1984 (makes him 22 last oct)
met hubby late 1986 (21 years ago if counting years rather than actual months )
daughter born 3 years ago when tradey 36, makes her 39 now
Tradey was 15 in oct 1984 so 38/39 now depending on birth date.

it all adds up to me. i think we've had a few days with a lot of trolls and its made everyone question everything

would you like salt with that pie naz? :)))

sorry for stepping in there tradey

[dot.hawkes]

i don't get this, hoiw did you change the childs name by deed poll? there was no need to do that all you needed to do was get your husband to adopt him, deed polls are old hat.
anyway, has he never applied for a driving license or had a passport? Fior those he would need birth certificate and if his name is not the same as on it he would need proof of his name, so did you lie about changing his name to him as ell as who his dad was?

[Pippa68]

tradey might be rounding the numbers up, I do that sometimes eg my daughter is 16 but 17 in 3 months time, so I often tell people she is 17...by the time you have done that with a few ages you can end up with a bit of a discrepancy!

tradey ~ it makes no difference your sons uncles have never said anything, it was always down to you to do it, love.

[Pippa68]

When my stepdad adopted me, my mother had to adopt me too. I don't know when/if this changed, but it was a bit of a nightmare!

Even if tradeys son had been adopted, it would still have been better to be honest right from the start..however, what's done is now done and the best thing she can do for her son now is to start being honest right now.

[noxlumos]

Dot if tradey's husband had adopted him, rather randomly the law is she would have had to also which to be honest in what appeared to be a simple situaiton when the kid was six, would have been a bit of a drastic thing to do, so maybe that's why she didn't, it's certainly the reason I didn't adopt my wife's son, which is rather a good thing under the circumstances, but none the less most parent's don't like the idea of having to adopt their natural child.

[starry eyes]

He may not of ever seen his birth certificate tho. Tracy, tell him the truth. x

[noxlumos]

sorry Pippa, crossposted with you love. Great minds think alike.

[tradey]

evertime my son needed anything ie passport driving licence he sent his birth citificate and this other thing along saying hes known by this other name and not the one on his birth thing,at the time we thought doing it this way was easier than adoption that takes along time.

[tradey]

he has seen it he knows his name on there was the same as my madan name,im really going now need to try my hubby again thankyou again x

[Pippa68]

Ahh noxy..I am honoured :o)

My mther was torn to bits at having to adopt me too ~ she really couldn't understand it!

I have known of a few children who have had their names changed by deed poll. It is still a good thing to have in place. I changed mine after I got divorced, and only had to show it once to several officials ~ like opening a bank account, buying my house and getting married. The only times it needs showing is if you have dealings with people whilst using your previous name.

[beryllium]

tradey, I think it's so much better out in the open now.
If that boy really is his brother and had traced him lets say after you leave the earth, I think that would be more of a terrible shock and also your son would have questions to ask and you wouldn't be around to answer them.
So better now for him and for you to come clean and then he is empowered with the knowledge and can choose whether he wants to have contact with his 1/2 sibling/s or not.
Better for the soul ya know :-) and redresses the balance.
Love to you and the bestest of wishes.
B. xxx

[maggie01]

Best to tell him the truth. He won't thank you if you tell him lies about his father. He may be shocked at first but I am sure it will all turn out ok if you are open with him. Good Luck

[carlyo2le]

looks like a fib well done naz!!

[kaylamay]

I think he deserves the truth. You should have your husband there for support and to reasure your son that just because your husband wasn't the sperm donor does not mean he isn't his dad. Any male can make a baby, but it takes someone special, a real man, to be a father. He may take it badly, he may not. Be prepared. Lying never solved anything and he will not thank you if you continue to lie, in fact it will make it worse.
Good luck. Dont continue to live with this lie in your family.

[joko]

err... my birth certificate doesn't have my parents names on it...just mine...

are they different now?

when did they start to have parents names on?


also naz - if this was a troll, it would an incredibly lame wind-up, wouldn't it?

[Pippa68]

I think there are two types of birth certificate, joko ~ there is the short one (which is free) and has just the childs names on it, and the longer one which details the parents names, occupations etc.

When I was born I had the longer version of certificate. When I was adopted I received the short version.

I have four children, and the two eldest have the short versions, whilst the younger two have the more detailed ones.

[beryllium]

even my mother's birth certificate has her parents names on it and she's 64.

[Pippa68]

Yep Beryllium ~ the certificates always used to be the longer versions.

Not sure when the shorter versions came into force, but it must have been pre 1975.