Ankou why werent you as thoughtful of your past partners then?
Have you had an epiphany or do you just think youre incapable of pulling it off now ?
Thats another reason that some cheaters dont do it again.
When they were 25 they may have been a looker .
Fast forward 20 years and theres a few less people looking for what you got to offer isnt there?
i have already said as much on here, it was an epiphany. i couldn't give two hoots about the previous partners (thenm and now) and am forever thankful that I met my wife and never settled for any of them.
I've never had an affair and pretty sure I never will but like in my friends circumstances. His wife didn't want to split up and it had been discussed many times. He needed to be loved and like vibrasphere said......... I had an affair because you had stopped talking to me, touching me, you seem so distant and I needed to feel loved - reason........
He tried but she didn't want him around but she also didn't want him to go (money I think) eventually he strayed. He didn't stray for sex he did it because he wanted some intimacy, affection and to feel loved. Basically he was starved of all that for years. He also had the kids to think about.
He left in the end though and the wife knew nothing of the affair. She found out after though.....
I don't think its black and white either. Its just one of those things that humans do.
It's not really whether its right or wrong. Its wrong. But it's just something that if it happens in your relationship you have to deal with at the time in whichever way feels best according to the reasons and your circumstances.
Lots of folk cant OR wont be honest about this subject.
As i see it there's some rush of adrenalin , lust call it what you will whilst they're sneaking about behind their partners backs , while they're making up stories , hiding the text messages.making EXCUSE TO WORK EXTRA SHIFTS SO THEY CAN SPEND MORE TIME WITH THEIR SECRET LOVER OR GOING TO THE PUB SO THEY CAN CHAT TO HIM/HER BEHIND THE BAR .
Now this buzz if it is a buzz, that dies as the affair progresses and later on farther down the road , what makes you think the appeal of that buzz , like drink to an alcoholic or drugs to a junkie , what makes you think they wont appeal to the cheater again ?
It just goes to show that you should never take your partner for granted and never get complacent. People presume that they will stick by them and never do something as big as having an affair. What's really needed is.....don't make them want to and make the effort.
jake, did your dad know or suspect anything? just wondering really. would her leaving at the outset have been easier for him (don;t know the circumstances, aint judging), rather than finding out that the previous 10 years or so had been a coplete sham?
as i said each circumstance is generally uniqe, i think its the global view of affairs as being bad as mostly they are about ilicit flings in the back seat of a cortina alnoing the bypass. thats where most people fornm their opinions, or have been directly affected by it. i never said it was black or white, there is always plenty of grey.
jake, my mom and dad split up, she stayed for years for our sake but the atmosphere was terrible, it was stressful living there (from my perspective as a child) my schooling suffered, I hated all the arguments, when she left taking us with her, living in hostels all over the place, it was not ideal, but the stress and dread were gone, we were poor but happier
wether your married or simply in a relationship, wether you still love your partners or not, wether there are kids or not... its a matter of respect and trust (a basic element to a relationship) not to cheat on your partner... For me MY opinion if you the two people havin any affair you will forever excuse it but if your the poor one getting cheated on some how you dont see it as such a lovely thing do you...
Its selfish, your hurting the one your love and lying everyday to them... Makes feel sick how the values of a marriage or relationship have just simply gone down the drain...