Affair with a married man/woman

[Miss Chief]

Do you think there are any circumstances under which the above is acceptable/excusable?

[angel21]

I think its unacceptable but sometimes excusable and a fact of life.

[legend-isgod]

Ankou why werent you as thoughtful of your past partners then?
Have you had an epiphany or do you just think youre incapable of pulling it off now ?


Thats another reason that some cheaters dont do it again.
When they were 25 they may have been a looker .
Fast forward 20 years and theres a few less people looking for what you got to offer isnt there?

[jake-the-peg]

So Legend

What should my mother have done?

Stayed with a husband she didn't love?

Left taking me and my sister?

Left my father taking my seister and myself?

Can't think of a reasonable 4th


Just wondered what you think

[pastafreak]

Leg...How many 'past cheaters' are there on this thread????

[Ankou]

i have already said as much on here, it was an epiphany. i couldn't give two hoots about the previous partners (thenm and now) and am forever thankful that I met my wife and never settled for any of them.

[ummmm]

I've never had an affair and pretty sure I never will but like in my friends circumstances. His wife didn't want to split up and it had been discussed many times. He needed to be loved and like vibrasphere said......... I had an affair because you had stopped talking to me, touching me, you seem so distant and I needed to feel loved - reason........

He tried but she didn't want him around but she also didn't want him to go (money I think) eventually he strayed. He didn't stray for sex he did it because he wanted some intimacy, affection and to feel loved. Basically he was starved of all that for years. He also had the kids to think about.

He left in the end though and the wife knew nothing of the affair. She found out after though.....

[angel21]

I don't think its black and white either. Its just one of those things that humans do.

It's not really whether its right or wrong. Its wrong. But it's just something that if it happens in your relationship you have to deal with at the time in whichever way feels best according to the reasons and your circumstances.

[No,Knowledge]

Left taking me and my sister?

Left my father taking my seister and myself?


????????
eh?

[legend-isgod]

Angel nonsense.


Jayne imnot grumpy I'm being totally honest.

Lots of folk cant OR wont be honest about this subject.

As i see it there's some rush of adrenalin , lust call it what you will whilst they're sneaking about behind their partners backs , while they're making up stories , hiding the text messages.making EXCUSE TO WORK EXTRA SHIFTS SO THEY CAN SPEND MORE TIME WITH THEIR SECRET LOVER OR GOING TO THE PUB SO THEY CAN CHAT TO HIM/HER BEHIND THE BAR .


Now this buzz if it is a buzz, that dies as the affair progresses and later on farther down the road , what makes you think the appeal of that buzz , like drink to an alcoholic or drugs to a junkie , what makes you think they wont appeal to the cheater again ?

[Miss Chief]

Jeez - this has kicked off and I've only been gone for 30 mins!!!

OK - I'll tell you where this all came from.

A friend of mine (who is in a relationship) told me that she's met someone and was considering an affair.

I said she should finish with the person that she's with as I didn't think that an affair was acceptable.

She then told me a story about one of her friends which made me think twice.

So was just interested to get other people's opinion.

Maybe China Doll has hit the nail on the head - not excusable/acceptable, but understandable??

[ummmm]

It just goes to show that you should never take your partner for granted and never get complacent. People presume that they will stick by them and never do something as big as having an affair. What's really needed is.....don't make them want to and make the effort.

[Ankou]

jake, did your dad know or suspect anything? just wondering really. would her leaving at the outset have been easier for him (don;t know the circumstances, aint judging), rather than finding out that the previous 10 years or so had been a coplete sham?

as i said each circumstance is generally uniqe, i think its the global view of affairs as being bad as mostly they are about ilicit flings in the back seat of a cortina alnoing the bypass. thats where most people fornm their opinions, or have been directly affected by it. i never said it was black or white, there is always plenty of grey.

[cazzz1975]

jake, my mom and dad split up, she stayed for years for our sake but the atmosphere was terrible, it was stressful living there (from my perspective as a child) my schooling suffered, I hated all the arguments, when she left taking us with her, living in hostels all over the place, it was not ideal, but the stress and dread were gone, we were poor but happier

[sqad617]

pastafreak....you are personalising this and all I am doing is bringing experience (not necesarily personal) to the thread.

Sort out crap sex?........easier said than done, as some partners will not discuss the subject or even admit it's crap.

Ther are many reasons why partners just don't leave and an affair doesn't necessarily bring a relationship to an end.

The French, the Greeks. the Italians sort this out by having mistresses.

My question remains unanswered....why is infidelity so rife?.....my answer?.....beacause we are all humans and infidelity is a human failing.

[legend-isgod]

Jake that was so long ago and I'm assuming you're recalling as a child?


Jake i could go to basics and ask why she had 2 children if she was so unhappy?

we could get into it all day long.

irrespective of what she could ve done
if she had an affair she was dishonest and cheated.

that's irrefutable and you getting worked up cannot change that fact.

the question was ism it ever right
i said no

i stand by that irrespective of what your mother and father did , which i don't know in detail nor do i want to.

it wouldn't change the opinion I've already expressed.

[jake-the-peg]

Don't know whether he suspected.

It wouldn't have been easier for me nor for my sister.

My father was not the sort of man who would have coped with bringing up 2 early teenage kids.

My step father lived 100 miles away.

My mother celebrates her second 20th Wedding Anniversary this year

[SuDFB]

wether your married or simply in a relationship, wether you still love your partners or not, wether there are kids or not... its a matter of respect and trust (a basic element to a relationship) not to cheat on your partner... For me MY opinion if you the two people havin any affair you will forever excuse it but if your the poor one getting cheated on some how you dont see it as such a lovely thing do you...

Its selfish, your hurting the one your love and lying everyday to them... Makes feel sick how the values of a marriage or relationship have just simply gone down the drain...

[jake-the-peg]

Legend - I don't think she was unhappy at the time she had us.

And you've not answered the question really - you say you don't know

Maybe you'd have done the same?