Mummy Or Daddy Cast your vote!

[Foxymoron123]

2 years ago Mummy and Daddy split up.
Mummy met a new man. Daddy met a new woman.
Mummy and Daddy live in England. Daddy's girlfriend lives in Finland.
This year daddy wants to take Daughter (4) to Finland for christmas. Mummy doesn't want daughter to go because Christmas is a family time of year.
Daddy wants daughter to go because for the last 2 Christmases he has left England to go to Finland to be with girlfriend and has missed out seeing Daughter.
Daddy Says...
I have missed out on the last two years because I have gone to Finland. I enjoy xmas there and want to share the lovely experience I have there with my girlfriends family. The only reason why I can't have my daughter is because her mother doesn't want to be apart from her for xmas. I think my daughter would have a wonderful time in Finland. I want to take her for the 2 weeks over xmas and new year.
Mummy says...
Being separated parents means there is always compromise and sacrifice needed. I don't want my daughter to miss out on Christmas with her entire family and especially with me. I feel that Daddy chose to leave the country for those two years as he wanted to be with his girlfriend. I don't feel that walking away for 2 years justifies as a compromise for having her this year. I also know that Daddy's girlfriend has said she will never spend a christmas in England, refusing to acknowledge Daddy comes as a combined unit.

So who should Daughter spend Christmas with??

[zzxxee]

my vote is with mummy

[daffy654]

If daddy was so desperate to spend time with his daughter at Christmas he would not insist on going abroad at that time.

Maybe when the daughter is older she can go with daddy one year.

[zzxxee]

solution do alternate years

[sophie_1003]

Daddy, as Mummy has said there needs to be compromise so let him take daughter to Finland for one Christmas, for her sake not for Daddy's.

[Goodsoulette]

I'm with Mummy here. Christmas is a family time and he is that keen to see her then he should come back here for christmas. I'm sure it is wonderful but two weeks over christmas without your child is a toughie (as he well knows) so if he's missed her that much because it's the festive season why does he expect mum to do without too....Can't he take her just before or just after christmas for a shorter amount of time, so that she gets the christmas feel there too?

[jackthehat]

Sorry, Foxy.
I think Daddy has every right to have Christmas with his daughter.
The underlying and unspoken comment in your thread is that *you* will miss her at Christmas and so don't want her to go.

Unless you have real, and I mean real, concerns about her welfare I think you ought to seriously consider coming to a compromise on this.

If you can't bring yourself to do it this year try and force yourself into accepting that she'll have to go next year.............however, don't keep prolonging and postponing the inevitable.

[Barmaid]

As the GF of a non resident parent, I see this all the time. For instance, mum tried to stop us having a family holiday because she feared my step son "wouldn't like it because he was too far away from me". That smacked of what she wanted rather than what was good for him (as, despite his difficulties, he LOVES new places and new experiences) and the Judge agreed with us.

But think about compromise. Yes Christmas is a family time. Yes Daddy's GF needs to wake up and smell the coffee. But Daddy needs to get on with his life as well as Mummy. How about Daddy takes Daughter to Finland for ONE week. So one parent has her over Christmas and one parent has her over New Year?

We make it work (allegedly!) so that we have alternate Christmases and we make whatever day we need to be "Christmas Day". That way the kids have TWO Christmas Days. Win Win for the child who gets two Christmas Days and two relaxed parents.

[karenmac60]

Why doesn't Daddy pay for Mummy to go to Finland too. Then he can see his daughter and his Girlfriend, but Mummy can still be with her daughter over Xmas. Mummy has not excluded him from family Xmas's, he has chosen not to be there. It's not then fair of him to actively exclude Mummy. If he's determined to have Xmas in Finland then he should give Mummy the option of being there too. Legally - is he allowed to take the child out of the country without her other parent's agreement?

[4getmenot]

my votes with daddy I agree totlly with sophie

[Kim A]

I'm with Barmaid. My sister does exactly what she suggests in her post and it's worked for her and her ex for the last 12 years.

[boxtops]

My thoughts are the same as karen's - go with her, that way daddy won't have to bring her back to you afterwards, you can just travel back with her.

[sara3]

I think this has been presented in a biased manner.

after 2 years of being separated, they're not doing a great job of putting the child first.

[society]

Daddy is as much family to daughter as Mummy. I think Mummy should lighten up. I agree with Jack.

[wiggal]

I would say as mummy has had the daughter for Christmas the last 2 years, it is dads time!

Definitely think alternate years is the best idea.

My parents split when I was 4, I am now 23 and have spent every christmas day with my mum as that is how things were sorted, and still to this day I have my dad asking me when I will spend a christmas with him and his side of the family. And I regret that I never got the chance.

[joeluke]

As a father who doesn't live with 2 of his children I still have to side with the mother

The fathers girlfriend is being selfish, if she really loved her man then she'd make a sacrifice and spend christmas in England. She's making her man choose between her and his young daughter

[4getmenot]

Not really he could always go to england without his girlfriend, nothings stopping him doing that

[joeluke]

4get......the OP says that the father actually lives in England

[4getmenot]

ah yer sorry, he could always stay in England. No one can make someone do something. It is entirely up to him. But I think the dad should get her this year anyway.

[ummmm]

Daddy....

As one wise man said to me.....always always let your kids travel. It teaches them so much.

[divegirl]

I'm a single Mum and my kids have spent Christmas day with me for the last 7 years. They go to their Dads on Boxing Day and he has for the last three years been welcome in my home on Christmas Day itself, although he hasn't taken up the invite.
I feel that after working my butt off all year and putting up with the day to day traumas of being a parent I deserve to have that one special day with my kids
Personally I would be gutted not to have the kids with me.....he gave up that right when he left to 'sort his head out'!
Lisa x