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Jokes

Looking for a laugh? There are plenty of funny jokes being told on The AnswerBank, so sit back, relax and have a read.

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Rondy
My wife and i often laugh about how competitive we are
I laugh louder though. ___ Because our new refrigerator was taller than our old one, I told my wife I'd have to cut away part of an overhanging... ...
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Rondy
I asked my grandma how she was enjoying her new stair lift. she said it was driving her up the wall. ___ I'm playing cricket against my local fish & chip shop later. Their fielders and bowlers... ...
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Spicerack
with a tractor salesman. Sent me a John Deere letter this morning. 😠
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maggiebee
A new supermarket opened near my house. It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain. When... ...
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Rondy
Just pipped in the pub quiz again tonight.

Apparently Joan of Arc was not Noah's wife.
___

We was so poor as kids my mum used to buy our clothes out of the army and navy store.

Wasn't so funny going... ...
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Rondy
Dorothy and Edna, two “senior” widows, are talking.
Dorothy: “That nice George Johnson asked me out for a date. I know you went out with him last week, and I wanted to talk with you about him... ...
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Rondy
A mother passing by her son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made, and everything was picked up. Then, she saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed,... ...
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Rondy
Just bought a humpty dumpty toy from Aldi.
It's brilliant, it comes with Aldi Kings horses and Aldi Kings men. ___ Managed to get hold of a box of counterfeit Mr Kipling Apple tarts.
They're... ...
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melv16
..biscuit that's named after one of the Commodores?  Lionel Richtea...
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William51
 Why are crabs so bad at sharing?.   Because they are always shellfish.                                                                                            When does a joke become a dad... ...
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Chipchopper
I went to the train spotters annual dinner and dance and everyone was wearing platforms.
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Chipchopper
An elderly man answered a knock at the door, and the caller said, "I'm collecting on behalf of the save our swimming pool calpain and all donations will be greatly received. The elderly man said... ...
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Rondy
When I was younger, I said to my dad: "Can I use the lawnmower to make some extra money?"
"Sure son, you go ahead".
So I sold it! ___ A guy lives with his wife in the same little town where they both... ...
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Rondy
Put all my dogging gear up for sale on eBay.Haven’t had any bids yet, but there are 12 people watching.
___

I've just noticed that People that have the most birthdays tend to live the longest.
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ToraToraTora
My grandson loves the jokes of this form... Q: What do you call a man with a car on his head? A: Jack I have several but you get the idea, looking for ones I don't know.  
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Chipchopper
1st guy, "my old eyes are not what they used to be.....did you see where my ball wend" 2nd guy, Yep...but I can't remember😏
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Rondy
I went into a caravan showroom the other day and said to the salesman:
"I'd like to buy a motorhome."
He said "Camper?"
I said "Oooo, get you, I'd like to buy a motorhome, sweety." ___ "What am I going... ...
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melv16
....heard from  a mate, he has a date from a girl who identifies as a wheelie bin. The trouble is, he can't remember if he's taking her out Thursday or Friday. 
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Rondy
A lady of the night was visiting her doctor for a regular checkup.
"Any specific problems you should tell me about?" the doctor asked.
"Well, I have noticed lately that if I get even the tiniest... ...
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Chipchopper
I was having a drink in the mermaid inn last night, when I overheard a woman say "I like to lay on the beach, myself but my other half likes to be in the sea"

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