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R.I.P. My neighbour Dave who told his wife he was just popping out for some sewing thread but spent the full day down the pub.
Gone but not for cotton!.
Gone but not for cotton!.
My family said they want to move to Wiltshire. I didnt want an argument so I decided to leave them to their own Devizes.....
I saw this homeless guy living in a tyre. I done him a favour and punctured it... He's now living in a flat.
A husband abd wife are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary. That night the wife approached her husband wearing the exact same sexy negligee she had worn on her wedding night, and said to... ...
I Was in a movie today called 'Cling film'
Got a bit irritated when the director said 'You can go home now it's a wrap' ___ BREAKING NEWS:- MAN KILLED BY STEAMROLLER
Police are not sure what happened... ...
Got a bit irritated when the director said 'You can go home now it's a wrap' ___ BREAKING NEWS:- MAN KILLED BY STEAMROLLER
Police are not sure what happened... ...
When I call the wife "hun" it's not short for honey it's short for Attila...
Dear Son, Just a few lines to let you know I'm still alive. I'm writing this letter slowly because I know you can't read fast. We are all doing very well. You won't recognise the house when you get... ...
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My wife stormed out of the house due to my obsession with the Weather Forcast, I haven't the Foggiest where she's gone.
I was standing in the queue in Aldi earlier and a voice announced "Checkout no.5 please."
I thought, I've seen better than her. ___ Did you hear about the cannibal spider that ate his uncle’s wife?... ...
I thought, I've seen better than her. ___ Did you hear about the cannibal spider that ate his uncle’s wife?... ...
"My husband and I went through the McDonald's driveway window and I gave the cashier a £5 note. Our total was £4.25, so I also handed her 25p. She said, 'you gave me too much money.' I said, 'Yes I... ...
I've just gone on the Adam Ant diet. It's dead easy; Don't Chew Ever 👍
I said to the Doctor, "When l move my leg it makes a Mooing noise". He replied,"It sounds like a Calf injury"
I just saw a car being driven by a sheep in a swimsuit...it was a lamb bikini.
If anyone can tell me how to repair a broken hinge, my door is always open.
I was raised by a herd of billy goats.
We couldn't afford a nanny. ___ The total number of people who get words wrong, would cover an area the thighs of whales. ___ I went for a drink with some heavy... ...
We couldn't afford a nanny. ___ The total number of people who get words wrong, would cover an area the thighs of whales. ___ I went for a drink with some heavy... ...
I'm sad to see that my local archery shop had to close, but I guess it was inevitable as they just weren't hitting their targets.
Did Saul Bellow? I know Oscar was Wilde, but wasn't Thornton Wilder? I think John was Gay and Hopkins was Manly, but then, who cares if Immanuel Kant when Kubla Khan ? 🙂
New this year, we decided to buy Lindt chocolates for the kids for last night. Also new, we decided that when they knocked we wouldnt open the door
