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Jokes

Looking for a laugh? There are plenty of funny jokes being told on The AnswerBank, so sit back, relax and have a read.

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maggiebee
King Arthur heard that there was discontent in one of the far corners of his kingdom, so he sent two of his finest knights, Sir Galahad and Sir Lancelot to check it out. They completed their... ...
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Rondy
I always carry a pebble with me to throw at people who sing Christmas songs in November… I call it my jingle bell rock. ___ Every one in my town wears woollen jumpers that are a size too small.
We're... ...
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Rondy
Big fight at a gypsy wedding in Ireland. Goes to court and the judge says "Can anyone explain what happened?" 
Paddy says "I can, I was the best man and I was dancing with the bride. We were... ...
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Rondy
I tried to make a joke about retired people but none of them work.
___

I nearly didn’t pass my archaeologist exams.
I really had to dig deep.
___

My mate talked me into doing my imitation of soft... ...
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Patsy33
Note to all the premature Christmas decorators. Calm down, Mary hasn't even told Joseph she's pregnant yet!  
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Rondy
I just heard they are not making the 12 inch ruler any longer.
___

I put vaseline on our front doorknob as a joke. My wife didn't find it funny. In fact she flew off the handle.
___

I was in the... ...
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1ozzy
..Dogs aren't allowed on AB.. https://ibb.co/CnvCCrs   ...
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retrocop
ShareTweet It’s a small town and not much happens most days, so the town newspaper prints pretty much every little story. But the editor just can’t believe it one day when the new farmer down the... ...
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retrocop
  Husband was sipping his whisky, while sitting in the balcony with wife and he says, “I love you so much, I don’t know how I could ever live without you.” Wife asks, “Is that you, or the whisky... ...
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retrocop
In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a woman who was waiting for a bus was wearing a tight leather skirt. As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too... ...
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1ozzy
.. not believe American news reporters.  https://ibb.co/YW07YRx ...
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Rondy
The wife says she wants something silky for Christmas.
I bet this emulsion is the wrong colour.
___

My mate is a celebrity hairdresser, he was once asked to go to Balmoral to cut Prince William’s... ...
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1ozzy
..to never fight a pirate. https://ibb.co/vQvQ63D ...
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Rondy
A priest was sent to a very small church in the outer Hebrides. After a couple of years the Bishop decided to pay the priest a visit to see how he was doing. The priest said that it was a really... ...
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Rondy
“Didn’t you suspect burglars had been in the house when you saw all the drawers pulled out and the contents scattered all over the floor?” asked the policeman.
“No, I just thought my husband had... ...
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retrocop
I'm sick of Trick or Treaters. This year I'm turning out the lights and pretending I'm not in. To hell with the ships. It's my lighthouse
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Rondy
You know what they say about cold spaghetti.
Those who forget the pasta are doomed to reheat it.
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A young lad knocked on my door for Halloween & said, "Trick or Treat?"
I said, "What have you come... ...
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Rondy
THE HALLOWEEN DICTIONARY!
Bobbing Apples:
What happens when you leave your bra off while running.
Frankenstein:
Hot dog and a mug of beer.
Full moon:
What your repairman reveals when he bends over to... ...
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melv16
...has opened an ice cream shop, but he only has 1 flavour.. Standard vanilla...
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Rondy
Bill: Where did you get that gold watch Joe?
Joe: I won it in a race.
Bill: How many people participated in it?
Joe: Three, a policeman, the owner of the watch, and me!
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“A man walks into a pharmacy... ...

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