Who Told Vorderman People Care What She...
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Old fashioned school duplicating machines required the operating handle to be left in a straight down position to prevent ink leaking out whilst not in use. many of these had signs stuck on asking...
Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said, ”Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place...
Wife:" I have lost my keys again. Damn it !"
Husband: "It's in your jeans."
Wife: "Don't you dare bring my family into this."...
I have Kleptomania but when it gets bad I take something for it. America is so advanced that even the chairs are electric. When a man opens the car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new...
Way back in the time of the samurai, there was a powerful emperor. This emperor needed a new head samurai. So, he sent out a message to everybody he knew for them to send a message to who they knew,...
Pat and Mick were looking in the Jobcentre window at the work available. In the centre was a card which said TREE FELLERS WANTED. Mick said to Pat, "Geez! If only we'd brought Seamus with us, we could...
I've just sorted out the cleaning schedule at the zoo. The lion sweeps tonight. ___ Does anyone know where I can get quality small scale Indian musical instruments? A good baby sitar is hard to...
Fu, Bu and Chu immigrated to the US from China. They decided to become American Citizens, and "Americanize" their names. Bu - called himself "Buck" Chu called himself "Chuck" and Fu had to go back to...
Three guys all worked in the same office with the same male boss. Each day, they watched the boss leave work early. One day, the guys decided that, when the boss left, they would leave right behind...
...a guy had made a parachute jump and was falling fast, but his parachute wouldn't open. As he was falling, a guy came shooting up towards him. The falling guy said "Do you know anything about...
I now identify as a can of deodorant. And before you ask... Yes, I'm Sure. ___ A traveling salesman offered me a deal on a coffin. I told him that's the last thing I need. ___ My wife said she saw a...
GRANDSON:
Grandma, where did you grow up?
GRANDMA:
A little village called Burton on the Wold.
GRANDSON:
Where did Granddad grow up?
GRANDMA:
He didn't....
Today my daughter gave my wife a big hug for no reason. Then she turns to me and says, "Your right dad, mum has gained a little weight." Our dog is currently making room for me in his house. ___ So I...
After hearing about my mate at works unfair sacking, It brought back memories of when i worked as an maths teacher from the age of 20 to 30. They sacked me for no apparent reason.... It felt like such...
A woman was found guilty in traffic court and when asked for her occupation she said she was a schoolteacher. The judge rose from the bench. "Madam, I have waited years for a schoolteacher to appear...
My goalkeeper friend takes great pride in his bed. Always likes to keep clean sheets. ___ My mate Walter Wall is opening a carpet shop but can't think of a name for it. ___ How do you repair a damaged...
No wonder a game of snooker takes so damn long. I’ve just been watching it, and some *** with gloves on, keeps putting the balls back on the table when no one is looking....
A great offer. If anyone can take it up, let me know!!! This may be of interest to some of you. A friend of mine has two tickets in a corporate box for the final Lions Test in Auckland on 8th July. He...
"It's clear" said the teacher, "That you haven't studied your geography. What's your excuse?" "Well, my dad says the world is changing every day. So I decided to wait until it settles down!" Teacher:...
I went to my mates wedding and I whispered to a bloke next to me, "flip me, that bride is pig ugly!" "Do you mind! That's my daughter you're talking about!" "I'm really sorry, I didn't know you were...
