Crosswords4 mins ago
My friend Nancy and I decided to introduce her elderly mother to the magic of the Internet. Our first move was to access the popular Ask Jeeves website, and we told her it could answer any question...
Dentist: "This will hurt a little."
Patient: "It's Okay, I can take it."
Dentist: "I've been sleeping with your wife for a year now."...
A leper failed his driving test today after leaving his foot on the accelerator.. Two lepers played cards, one threw his hand in, the other laughed his head off. Two lepers having a fight, one threw a...
I met a transvestite from Greater Manchester yesterday.
He had a Wigan address....
A preacher stood up before his congregation and said, "I have so much to say, I don't know where to begin."
Someone in the pew shouted, "How about somewhere close to the end?"...
My local fish & chip shop has gone into liquidation.
Sadly, the owner is stuck between a rock and a hard plaice...
My mate is such a big fan of the Royal Family, each of his four sons are named after a king. Henry, George, Charles and Burger. ___ If you think I'm obsessed with Supertramp, you should take a look at...
I've started investing in stocks. Beef, Chicken, and Vegetable.
- One day I hope to be a bouillonaire....
Did you here about the circus fire?. It was in tents!. - Why should you never trust stairs?. They are always up to something!. - How does Nasa organise a party?. They planet!....
You can get a cup of hot Joe any time at the cannibal diner. ____ I am not that good at chess. The only time I'll ever be able to say "Checkmate" is if I eat at an Australian restaurant. ___ I have...
Frank Sinatra had a wheat allergy, and so avoided eating most types of bread... Baguettes - he's had a few, but then again, too few to mention. ___ Who said "Let them tweet cake." Marie Internette....
It was Dad's turn to read Little Johnny a bedtime story. After twenty minutes, Mum called up the stairs, "Is he asleep?"
Little Johnny called back, "Yes he is..... finally."...
My maths teacher said I was average, but that is just mean.
Some one mentioned that Disney Studios are working on a new animation film; a touching story about a transgender whale called Maybe Dick.
A teenager brings her new boyfriend home to meet her parents. They’re appalled by his haircut, his tattoos, his piercings. Later, the girl’s mum says, “Dear, he doesn’t seem to be a very nice boy.”...
The most advanced androids are taken to Africa for testing. Botswana? I don't think they have a choice. ___ Sailors from the days of wooden sailing boats were very superstitious. They would not permit...
Where do snow men get their weather reports ?
While, the winternet of course...
I'm never donating to anyone doing the marathon again.
They just take the money and run....
Female body builder:Doc I've taken so much steroids its actually made me grow a penis!
Doctor:Anabolic?
Female body builder:No,just a penis....
A young woman took her troubles to a psychiatrist. "Doctor, you must help me," she pleaded. "It's gotten so that every time I date a nice guy, I end up in bed with him. And then afterward, I feel...
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