Would You Accept His From Your Long Term Partner

[MDWCT2018]

I have been in a committed relationship with my boyfriend and we have been living together for 8 months now .In the early stages he was in awe of me but he has since, become more comfortable with me.
He lives with me in my flat. we have a next door neighbour who is a single mother with a young boy. The mother is a little bit nuts as one would expect being on her own with her child, but she does 'strange' things too such as walking in the hallway to throw her rubbish in sexy slips etc. Hmmmm......
Her child is very sweet and cute, but makes a lot of noise and I mean A-LOT of noise. If he is not screaming and throwing things and whining, it is his mother.
I have complained many times about this to the landlord because these are tiny city flats with thin walls, not exactly the ideal place to raise a child. The mother doesn't work and they never seem to leave their flat. My boyfriend agrees the woman is crazy but thinks I am a b***h for complaining about the child. Believe me, it not something I have done lightly but at 3 am it is like a banshee wailing and is scary. My best friend has said that for whatever reason my boyfriend has taken this Childs side (even though obviously my fight is not with the child) and that I deserve more loyalty from him. My friend has basically said that my boyfriend has chosen this child over me .... do you see it that way?

[Calicogirl]

No I wouldn't, I tend to try to live and let live, and incidentally you can't know she doesn't go out of her flat if you work 12 hour days (or even if you don't unless you're watching her- which is weird).
I'm sorry but I do think it's brattish and I think it's a massive warning shot to your boyfriend that you feel like this. If I was involved in a relationship with anyone of a similar opinion i'd likely be running for the hills tbh. x

[spathiphyllum]

I do not think it is brattish. It's bad enough getting a hotel room next to noisy people let alone living next to them.

[spathiphyllum]

https://www.gov.uk/guidance/noise-nuisances-how-councils-deal-with-complaints#noise-at-night-warning-notices


To me, noise is noise.. If it's arguing, a child having a tantrum or a stereo, after a certain time of day, it's just not on and it's disrespectful

[Neveracrossword]

What did your neighbour say when you raised your concerns with her?

[Calicogirl]

Spath, children are noisy sometimes, it's a normal thing, you'd have been noisy, all kids are noisy- it's not the same as someone blasting out RnB at 3.00am at 150 dbcls.

[MWG14]

You say that the boy is five or have I got that wrong. Doesn’t he go to school?

[spathiphyllum]

"Spath, children are noisy sometimes"

The OP has complained a number of times not only to landlord, but also the mother. This is obviously an ongoing issue which is causing stress and ruining the quality of life for MDWCT.

[spathiphyllum]

Also, the OP clearly states not only does the child cause noise, but so does the mother, in what seems like fits of temper. The pair of them are a noise issue, you can't be emotionally rational when it comes to that. The child probably (innocent, i understand) has no chance as he's obviously taking after its mother.

[MDWCT2018]

Calicogirl my issue is not with the child per se, because yes children do make noise but you need to ask yourself what are a 5 year old child and single mother doing in a £2000 per month ONE bedroom flat, when that same amount could go so much further in more suitable accommodation such as I dont know ... a 2 bedroom flat. My company pays a subsidy towards my rent as I work shift times with different time zones and this was easier than commuting. These flats are glorified hotel rooms aimed at working professionals. It is not normal for a 5 year old to have banshee like tantrums at 3 am and if this woman choose to live in this type of accommodation she should have more concern about the impact her and her child are having on her neighbours.

[Ken4155]

Twice you've mentioned the state of her dress (or undress) when she empties her rubbish. Do you suspect that your boyfriend is on her side for some sinister reason, i wonder.

[Calicogirl]

Again I repeat noise of this nature is 'normal noise', not deliberately inflicted by selfish behaviour. If you live in a city you frankly expect noise like this, or rather you should, instead we're seeing people saying selfish things like ' noise is noise', 'affecting my quality of life' etc etc etc about a flaming child crying. why is it so hard to get a rip on the fact that there will not be anything the mother can do about this? Moaning and reporting will only make things worse.

[MDWCT2018]

Neveracrossedword .... she just sniggered and barely made eye contact with me, completely unresponsive and the got really hostile thereafter

[chelle7272]

Spounds to me like your neighbour may need help and suppot rtaher than endless comlaints. Consider she may be seeking attention as she has no one ecepot her child, maybe is as stressede with her child as you, may not have the optin to move to another flat.
Have you actually spoken to her civilly about things - she may want change as much as you!

[Calicogirl]

Is it frankly any of your business why she's in a flat that costs £2000 per month? Seems to me as though you have a problem with her tbh, either you think she's not as good as you are, are worried your partner has wandering eyes or you think 'people like her' shouldn't be living anywhere nice. Yukk.

[spathiphyllum]

calico, we can't 'fabric'ate situations.

Fact is, block of flats, one of them is causing noise to such extremes it's affecting the lives of others in the block. So much so it's now even affecting their relationship with their boyfriend.

To me, sounds like a nuisance.

[chelle7272]

oops excuse typos, terrible at typing on the phone!

[spathiphyllum]

"Seems to me as though you have a problem with her"

I am sorry, but that was clear from the get go. It is OK to have a problem with people when they're in affect ruining your life.

[MDWCT2018]

Hi Calicogirl I get the impression that you have children .... maybe these noise might seem normal to you but it is not to me, not in this location and I do not the it is normal for a woman and a child to live in a 1 bedroom flat when they could use that money for a flat more suited to their needs. It is selfish behaviour. Not just towards me as a neighbour but also the child. the mother should realise the child needs his own bedroom

[MDWCT2018]

ken4155 Yes!my mind does wonder... my friend has this theory that she is only living here to bag herself a RICH CITY MAN! I only live here because of my erratic work patterns, I would be out like a shot otherwise =)

[chelle7272]

How do you know she would not prefer to have a 2 bed flat? How do you know she chose this situation?