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excelsior-1

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Gizmonster

A Guy Walks Into A Bank And Says, "i Want To Open A F***ing Bank Account" ....

.... to which the teller replied, "I beg your pardon, what did you say?" "Listen up, damn it! I said I want to open a f***ing bank account, right now!" "Sir, I'm sorry, but we don't tolerate that kind...
17:24 Fri 26th Apr 20136 answers, last by EDDIE51 23:21 Sat 27th Apr 2013
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Jemisa

When You Grow Up...

Teacher asks the kids what they would like to be when they grow up.... "Little Harry: "I want to be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take my best bird with me, give her a Ferrari...
12:52 Fri 26th Apr 20134 answers, last by starone 11:48 Sat 27th Apr 2013
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maggiebee

Adults Only

What do a clitoris, an anniversary and the toilet all have in common? . . . . . . . . . Men usually miss all three! I'll get my coat!...
14:12 Fri 26th Apr 20132 answers, last by excelsior-1 15:05 Fri 26th Apr 2013
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waterboatman

Good Morning Early Birds!

It's Friday. Another weekend is beckoning. According to the idiot box it should be reasonable weather. i hope they are right! Have a happy day everyone....
04:30 Fri 26th Apr 2013206 answers, last by Baldric 08:15 Fri 26th Apr 2013
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gness

Oh F Word F Word And All Others!!!

Dashing about getting ready to go to the theatre at 6.30....hair looked really good so I decided to spray it to make it last...... No bloody glasses on...I have sprayed my hair with white fabric glue...
18:23 Thu 25th Apr 201335 answers, last by gness 23:28 Thu 25th Apr 2013
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Tilly2

I Have The Stinkingest, Horriblest,grottiest Cold

and cough and have felt poorly all week. I'm so glad my weekend is here so that I can have a duvet day. I feel rough!
19:04 Thu 25th Apr 201312 answers, last by Tilly2 13:37 Fri 26th Apr 2013
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albaqwerty

The Pay Rise

A Mexican maid asked for a pay increase. The wife was very upset about this and decided to talk to her about the raise. She asked: 'Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?' Maria: 'Well, Señora,...
15:17 Thu 25th Apr 201313 answers, last by starone 08:52 Fri 26th Apr 2013
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mikey4444

Favourite Comfort Foods !

This has probably been done before here on AB but what are everybody's favourite comfort foods ? Mine would be, in no particular order :: Bangers and Mash ( with grated cheese added to the mash )...
16:06 Thu 25th Apr 201329 answers, last by Tina823 09:42 Sat 27th Apr 2013
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Ric.ror

I Am Bracing Myself....

I now have to go to my 85 year old mother who is in a right old mood. She will throw all my short comings at me, accusing me of goodness knows what, have a face like a slapped Yabbie for a few days and...
16:29 Thu 25th Apr 201318 answers, last by Ric.ror 10:23 Fri 26th Apr 2013
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Fanriffic

Sad News

Old Kenny was killed at work last week. He worked as a Fork Lift Truck driver at the local Chocolate Factory for the past 17 years and was a much loved and well-respected employee. Carrying out his...
21:18 Wed 24th Apr 201312 answers, last by LochNessMonster 11:35 Sat 27th Apr 2013
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madds1

Film Song

who sang holiday road and what film was it the title for
15:38 Thu 25th Apr 20132 answers, last by excelsior-1 15:41 Thu 25th Apr 2013
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fredkins

Fao Excel.....

Hi there excel my friend,how did you enjoy your weekend away? All good I hope. Are you keeping well yourself? I did not seem to have much time to speak to you the other day.
10:09 Tue 23rd Apr 20136 answers, last by fredkins 02:20 Fri 26th Apr 2013
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ST24

Who Do You Remember Most From Deep Space Nine?

Which character / actor is the most memorable from the Deep Space Nine version of Star Trek?
04:08 Thu 25th Apr 201321 answers, last by Sharingan 11:31 Thu 25th Apr 2013
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humbersloop

Good Morning Early Birds

morning all x air temp's warming up, far too dark to see what the rest of the day's doing...
04:38 Thu 25th Apr 2013198 answers, last by fredkins 08:31 Thu 25th Apr 2013
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sir.prize

Arrested Again

What are the police playing at? They have rearrested Freddie Starr. Surely after all this time, they should be in a position to make up their mind about these celebrities. They'll probably rearrest...
00:13 Thu 25th Apr 201327 answers, last by ludwig 13:01 Wed 01st May 2013
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Jemisa

The Pill,,,,

A female dentist pulls out a numbing needle to give a man a shot of Novocain . "No way! No needles. I hate needles" the patient said... The dentist starts to hook up the nitrous oxide and the man...
22:52 Wed 24th Apr 20134 answers, last by starone 08:45 Fri 26th Apr 2013
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Jemisa

The Arguement....

Two men on a building site are arguing about who’s the strongest. One says to the other, ‘I bet you a week’s wages I can haul a load in this wheelbarrow that you’d never be able to lift off...
23:49 Wed 24th Apr 20136 answers, last by Marijn 23:05 Fri 26th Apr 2013
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carrust

Why Do...

...diced carrots taste better than those chopped across the diameter?
18:51 Wed 24th Apr 201316 answers, last by heathfield 14:37 Thu 25th Apr 2013
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Jemisa

Three Best....

A medical student is taking a test and one of the questions he sees is: "Name the three best advantages of mother's milk." The student immediately writes, "One: It has all the healthful nutrients...
15:56 Wed 24th Apr 20133 answers, last by Peter Pedant 15:25 Thu 25th Apr 2013
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TWR

Well?

A rugby league fan is drinking in a Yorkshire bar, when he gets a call on his mobile phone. He hangs up, grinning from ear to ear, and orders a round of drinks for everybody in the bar, announcing his...
17:02 Wed 24th Apr 20133 answers, last by excelsior-1 17:22 Wed 24th Apr 2013

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