BROWSER: What I like to be at 3:00 am when I rearrange all your books on your desk. Where's a kitty supposed to lay down with all that mess? WALLPAPER: My favorite stuff, mostly in the kitchen and...
Some bloke started talking to me in the pub last night. "My mate came off his motorbike today," he said. "Oh really?" I asked. "Yes," he replied. "He has slight brain damage, two broken arms and is...
A man walked into a Waitrose supermarket in London and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy working in that department told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce. The man was...
A guy is sitting in the bar in departures at a busy airport. A beautiful woman walks in and sits down at the table next to him. He decides because she's got a uniform on, she's probably an off-duty...
VASELINE A man doing market research knocked on a door and was greeted by a young woman with three small children running around at her feet. He says, 'I'm doing some research for Vaseline. Have you...
Delia's Way Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice-cream drips . The Weegie Hoosewifes Way Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for God's sake....
Good day out in Brum - some excellent pints at the PO Vaults to wash down the samosas from the farmers market. Had sort of sobered up when I started watching Dave Gorman on Dave - very funny, but did...
Went to the doctors first for drug assessment and blood pressure which is fine [although she didn't say what it was and I didn't ask]. Then went for a drive down to Leigh and saw literally thousands...
...finding a penny this morning and all day long you'll have good luck. Had another busy and rather stressful day at work (only 1 good thing came out of it I think) my lunch break was not a break but...
Roy Rogers gets a brand new pair of cowboy boots. He leaves them on the porch of his ranch of his house. In the morning he discovers they've been gnawed by a mountain lion. Roy gets a rifle and his...
Two friends were in discussion about their sex lives..... First woman:- 'Do you ever look at your husband's face when you make love?' Second woman:- 'I did once but he looked really angry.' First...
Paddy had long heard the stories of an amazing family tradition. It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 18th birthday. On that special...
A man and his wife were celebrating 50 years together. Their three kids, all very successful, all agreed to a Sunday dinner in their honour. "Happy Anniversary Mum & Dad" gushed son number one, a...
Today, a friend and I were discussing what books we had read at school, as 'class readers for study'. As we are similar ages, we actually read almost the same books even though we went to school in...
