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McMouse

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McMouse

Seemed Reasonable To Me

Just back from a hair cut. Barber said "How would you like it?" I replied "so my Panama Hat fits" He looked at me with a very weary look....
12:06 Wed 17th Jul 201310 answers, last by aelmpvw 16:24 Wed 17th Jul 2013
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McMouse

Oh Dear.

Several days ago as I left a meeting at a hotel; I desperately gave myself a personal TSA pat down. I was looking for my keys. They were not in my pockets. A quick search in the meeting room revealed...
07:57 Tue 16th Jul 20136 answers, last by ummmm 13:59 Tue 16th Jul 2013
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McMouse

Love Is.........

A middle-aged couple had finally learned how to send and receive texts on their cell phones. The wife, being a romantic at heart, decided one day that she'd send her husband a text while she was out...
13:34 Mon 15th Jul 20133 answers, last by mrs.chappie 22:36 Mon 15th Jul 2013
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McMouse

Star Trek

The Iranian Ambassador to the UN had just finished giving a speech and walked out into the lobby of the convention center where he was introduced to a U.S. Marine General. As they talked, the Iranian...
08:42 Mon 15th Jul 20136 answers, last by excelsior-1 15:11 Mon 15th Jul 2013
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McMouse

Noise Polution

Best weather of the year and have been driven in from the garden by (a) Roofer hammering across the road, (b) sundry leaf blowers and hedge trimmers being operated nearby and final straw (c) Local...
08:51 Fri 05th Jul 201311 answers, last by excelsior-1 16:51 Fri 05th Jul 2013
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McMouse

Duz Tha Speak Yorkshire?

Police have just released details of a new drug craze that is being carried out in Yorkshire nightclubs. Apparently, Yorkshire club-goers have started injecting Ecstasy just above their front teeth....
09:31 Thu 04th Jul 201321 answers, last by askyourgran 22:20 Sat 06th Jul 2013
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McMouse

First Courgettes

Harvested first (modest) crop of courgettes from garden yesterday. Tasted wonderful. Apologies to purists, but this announcement is far too important to be posted in Food & Drink....
08:36 Wed 03rd Jul 20135 answers, last by vodkancoke 15:52 Wed 03rd Jul 2013
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McMouse

Butt Pump

My butt is full and a good pump should do the trick.
10:56 Tue 25th Jun 201320 answers, last by boxtops 15:58 Tue 25th Jun 2013
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McMouse

Wednesday Ponders

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. (Hardly seems worth it.) If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months,...
08:46 Wed 19th Jun 201314 answers, last by excelsior-1 14:40 Wed 19th Jun 2013
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McMouse

Overheard In The Pub

"Do you believe in reincarnation?" "Yes" "What do you want to come back as?" "A mobile phone, because then my wife might speak to me"...
11:30 Tue 18th Jun 20132 answers, last by lcg 07:49 Wed 19th Jun 2013
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McMouse

Would Kaloonji

respond better to a good grinding than strangulation?
09:34 Mon 17th Jun 20134 answers, last by wolf63 11:35 Mon 17th Jun 2013
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McMouse

Gchq

Is Ed an agent of GCHQ? And do posts on CD go straight to US and UK Security?
08:54 Fri 14th Jun 20135 answers, last by mccfluff 11:34 Fri 14th Jun 2013
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McMouse

Aplomb

His Lordship was in the study at Downton Abbey when the butler approached and coughed discreetly. "May I ask you a question my Lord?" "Go ahead Carson," said his Lordship. "I am doing the crossword in...
08:31 Fri 14th Jun 20133 answers, last by marval 15:06 Fri 14th Jun 2013
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McMouse

A Spaghetti Love Story

For several years, a man was having an affair with an Italian woman. One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he said he would pay her...
08:11 Wed 12th Jun 20135 answers, last by Fanriffic 14:47 Wed 12th Jun 2013
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McMouse

Happy Days

Blue Tits have fledged, runner beans and tomatoes have flowers on them, pear apple and cherry trees all in fruit, Mrs McMouse is cutting the grass.
08:28 Mon 10th Jun 20138 answers, last by joggerjayne 09:21 Mon 10th Jun 2013
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McMouse

Good Boy

A salesman goes up to a house and knocks on the front door. It is opened by a little ten year-old boy who has a lighted cigar in one hand, a glass of whiskey in the other, and a Penthouse magazine...
10:20 Sun 09th Jun 20131 answer, last by marval 18:50 Sun 09th Jun 2013
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McMouse

Mil Or Mif

For tea drinkers who take milk when should it go in the cup? After the tea or before?
09:39 Fri 07th Jun 201332 answers, last by Baldric 23:16 Fri 07th Jun 2013
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McMouse

Going To Heaven

All arrivals in heaven have to go through a bureaucratic examination to determine whether admission will be granted. One room has a clerk who inputs computerized records of what each applicant did on...
11:49 Wed 05th Jun 20135 answers, last by Arksided 21:49 Wed 05th Jun 2013
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McMouse

Not To Do List

Mrs McMouse is away for the day. I'm working on a list of 5 jobs I'm not going to do. Top of my list is not running the vacuum round. Any other suggestions?
11:50 Sat 01st Jun 201334 answers, last by Svejk 16:29 Sat 01st Jun 2013
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McMouse

Smart And Sexy.

"Have you ever seen Twenty Pounds all crumpled up?"...the woman asked her husband. "No"...said her husband. She gave him a sexy little smile, unbuttoned the top 3 or 4 buttons of her blouse...and...
15:50 Thu 30th May 20134 answers, last by frugalfred 19:12 Thu 30th May 2013

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