An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues: Man: 'I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren....
Bin men just emptied my wheelie-bin and I went to bring it back to the house. As I walked back down the drive the Postman followed me and I said "good morning" and held out my hand for the letters. He...
On the morning that Summer Time ended I stopped by to visit my ageing friend. He was busy covering his penis with black shoe polish. I said to him, "You better get your hearing checked - You're...
A man goes into Waterstones and asks the young lady assistant, "Do you have the new book out for men with short penises?" She replies, "I'm not sure if it's in yet." "That's the one; I'll take a...
I mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a cold beer.The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking on various topics. Finally I thought about an...
An Afghanistan diplomat visiting the US for the first time was being wined and dined by the State Department. The diplomat was not used to the salt in American foods (French fries, cheeses, salami,...
Yesterday was introduced to a chap who I last met at school some 60 years ago when he was called Ralph. His name is now pronounced "Raif". Anyone know any other name transformations?...
A woman was standing on top of a cliff and just as she was about to commit suicide by jumping off, a tramp walked past and said "as you're about to commit suicide, do you mind if we have sex first"...
A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation in Jerusalem . While they were there, the wife passed away . The undertaker told the husband, "You can have her buried here in the Holy Land for £150...
An Emergency Call Centre worker in London has been dismissed from her job, much to the dismay of colleagues who are reportedly unhappy with her treatment. It seems a male caller dialed 999 from a...
Prior to 1983 competitors at the Masters in Augusta were required to employ local black caddies, who in turn were required to wear white boiler suits and green caps. Since 1983 players have been...
