THE TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS: On the first day of Christmas my true love said to me, I'm glad we've bought a turkey and a proper Christmas tree. On the second day of Christmas much laughter could be...
Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road when she sees the Big Bad Wolf crouched down behind a log. "My, what big eyes you have, Mr. Wolf," says Little Red Riding Hood. The surprised wolf...
A man is mending a puncture on his car watched by a neighbours' young lad. "What's that?" the lad says " A screwdriver" says the man "I use it to remove the hubcap." "My dads got two of them" says the...
In a small town, farmers of the community had gotten together to discuss some important issues. About midway through the meeting, a wife of one of the farmers stood up and spoke her peace. When she...
A Jamaican fireman came home from work one day and said to his wife "Ya know sumptin', womon, we have a wonderful new system at de Fire Station... Bell 1 rings, we put on our jackets. Bell 2 rings, we...
There was this Indian chief who was straining to blow a fart but it wouldn't come out. So he sent his little messenger boy to the doctor and he says, ''Big chief, no fart.'' The doctor gives him a can...
I'm not usually one for posting warnings about potential scams but I had a close call yesterday. I walked into B&Q yesterday and some old guy dressed in a black shirt with an orange apron on asked me...
Three little boys were sitting around talking about their fathers. The first boy said, "My dad can blow smoke rings." The second boy said, "My dad can blow smoke rings out of his nose." The third boy...
How to Write Big Books by Warren Peace The Lion Attacked by Claude Yarmoff The Art of Archery by Beau N. Arrow Songs for Children by Barbara Blacksheep Irish Heart Surgery by Angie O'Plasty Desert...
I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and...
Tongue in cheek, but funny too. IT'S A PURE DEAD GIVE-AWAY THAT YOU'RE SCOTTISH IF :- 1. You consider scattered showers with outbreaks of sunshine as good weather. 2. The only sausage you like is...
I have always been proud of my Scottish heritage but when researching my family tree I found that my ancestors were actually from Transylvania!
Now I can't even look at myself in the mirror....
Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. So they loaded up Jack's minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. They pulled into a nearby farm...
In times long past, The kings of Spain, France, and England all stand on stage together in front of their nations all ready to see who of the three has the largest penis. The king of Spain takes his...
I saw a pen in a store the other day. I picked it up and took a look at it because it was prettier than most. The clerk said, "It's made in Germany." I said, "That's too bad, I can't use it then." The...
A passenger train is creeping along, painfully slowly. Finally, it creaks to a complete halt. A passenger sees a conductor walking by outside. "What's going on?" she yells out the window. "There's a...
A chap at our local Shell garage told me that rising diesel prices don’t affect him because he only ever buys £20 worth at a time and it’s always £20 .....
I stood for so long at the cheese counter, waiting to be served, I just went in to a trance-like state. Next thing I knew, I could hear a disembodied voice calling "hello, is it Brie you're looking...