Having an affair

[Mintee]

I know I'm going to get a lot of hate for this but...

I'm in a relationship that is happy but dull. I've met someone recently that I would love to see more of. I suppose my ideal situation would be to maintain my current relationship because breaking up with him would break his heart (and because we both get something good out of the relationship). He was single for a long time before we met and thinks I am his ideal woman.

But.... I've never been one for long-term monogamy and the idea of meeting up with the person I've met for some no-strings fun is very appealing.

Has anyone else done something similar and if so, did it go as you planned or was it a total f*cking nightmare in practice?

[Mintee]

JTH - yes okay point taken. We cannot deal with infidelity alongside our belief systems. I think I would have got just as much flak if I posted as a man. But I still maintain that the understanding of infidelity is different for men/women as far as society is concerned.

[Mintee]

Grasscarp - thank you for your honesty and support. You're not single by any chance?....

[starone]

DT I've read that book and use the suggestion about using the 'w' word (would you) instead of the 'c' word (not rude, could you) and it definitely works. You are more likely to get things done if you say would you rather than could you.

[DTCwordfan]

aah but lesbianism is still more acceptable than male homosexuality - to an awful lot of folk

females wearing male clothes is acceptable, men wearing womens is not.......

I guess it all balances out.

[ummmm]

Wanted to have sex with more than one partner is not wrong. Hurting someone is though...

[jackthehat]

Perhaps if you didn't appear to be bolstering an argument for your own infidelity using your 'societal understandings', they may sound a little less hollow ?

[grasscarp]

No. I am married for 32 years. I have overlooked a lot over the years. We have children and grandchildren now.

[DTCwordfan]

agree with you starbuckone and making the time and space, as well as proper communication, to explore between your selves as well.....helps keep the proverbial sex pot warm.

[Mintee]

DT - totally agree. Every time I've been honest about being bisexual, I've been greeted by nods and smiles. If I'd been male it would have been TOTALLY different. Ummm, yes of course you are right, hurting someone is crappy and not the intention. What I asked, though, is - has anyone done it, and how did it work out?

[cazzz1975]

are you waiting for a happy ending story?

[DTCwordfan]

I believe sara thinks that a lot of us are pervs, rather than being decently read up on the subject, to the point I do actually write some erotica (semi-professionally) - and possibly going into screenplays soon.....makes some wine money!!!

[Mintee]

JTH, sorry if my points sound hollow. I only raise the sociological viewpoint because it is something I am studying. And learning things about myself and my opinions - so easy to think you believe something because it is fact, until someone shows you that it is mere cultural belief. And no,that does not mean it is worthless. Just that it is more open to understanding and interpretation than you previously thought.

[micmak]

Am I the only one who believes this is all a wind up?

[sara3]

from the responses you've had I'd say those that have done it have later regretted it on some level.

I've had it done to me, it hurt like hell, shattered my confidence and 5 years on I still have trust issues.

strangely, he popped up as a "friend suggestion" on Facebook (not sure why, but no thanks!), and then he popped up again under a fake name! some people never change..

[Mintee]

DT I'd like to read that! Cazz - thought you may have noticed by now that I think happy ending Disney sh*t is a load of crap. If by happy ending you mean marriage and love and kids and staying together come what may, then clearly no, that is not what I am after. I want to be happy but that comes in a multitude of images in my mind.

[cazzz1975]

its past some time though hasnt it mik ;)

[micmak]

Cazz. I don't understand your answer to me.

[sara3]

if it's a buzz and excitement you're after, you'll probably have to keep moving on.