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Jokes

Looking for a laugh? There are plenty of funny jokes being told on The AnswerBank, so sit back, relax and have a read.

181 to 200 of 2514

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Rondy

And There's More

I've finally found the courage to open the first door on my Oscar Pistorius advent calendar! _____ My wife told me that I twist everything she says to my advantage…
I take that as a... ...
13:17 Mon 04th Dec 20232 answers, last by Canary42 16:58 Mon 04th Dec 2023
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Rondy

Holiday Plans

Advice needed please. I'm lucky enough to be on holiday from Dec 26th to Jan 15th and would love to go to a quiet beach, without crowds, preferably in the Caribbean or Indian Ocean. Ideally a child... ...
08:40 Sun 03rd Dec 20233 answers, last by Hopkirk 20:04 Sun 03rd Dec 2023
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Rondy

And There's More

I was standing in a queue behind a very big fat woman with a huge ***. When her phone started to bleep, a little boy behind her shouted: "Watch out, she's reversing." ___ Jesus Christ was... ...
08:43 Sun 03rd Dec 20232 answers, last by Patsy33 19:57 Sun 03rd Dec 2023
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Rondy

And There's More

Scientists got bored after watching the Earth turn after 24 hours.
So they called it a day.
___
I wrote a book about an amazing basement.
.It was a best cellar.
___
I ordered a Hans Solo steak at a... ...
13:29 Sat 02nd Dec 20231 answer, last by Patsy33 17:45 Sat 02nd Dec 2023
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Rondy

There's More

Wife asked me why the fridge was full of stir fry!
I told her I must have been sleep wokking aagain. ___ Which girl is best at keeping a secret?
Chantelle. ___ I'm not going back to the gym.
First... ...
13:41 Fri 01st Dec 20232 answers, last by Squitty 12:29 Sat 02nd Dec 2023
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DTCwordfan

Two Deaf Frien

One of my nephews is deaf - hears the bass notes only...he also loves to act the fool/comedian and can turn on the 'stunted' speech at ease. He will have a field day with this - and he lives in... ...
16:32 Thu 30th Nov 20231 answer, last by theshedman 23:29 Fri 01st Dec 2023
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Rondy

Airport

I was at the airport the other day and a bloke fainted face down on the baggage carousel….. He came around eventually.
14:38 Fri 01st Dec 20234 answers, last by Patsy33 17:56 Fri 01st Dec 2023
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Patsy33

My Wife Left Me

My wife left me due to my obsession with football. We've been married for 15 seasons..
12:06 Thu 30th Nov 20236 answers, last by DTCwordfan 19:25 Thu 30th Nov 2023
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Rondy

And There's More

Me: I can't see my penis because my stomach is so big.
Doctor: You should diet.
Me: Okay but what colour! ___ I got onto a plane at the airport this morning and it had an aisle that went on for ages....
08:06 Thu 30th Nov 20231 answer, last by Patsy33 10:29 Thu 30th Nov 2023
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Rondy

There's More

My boss said to me: "Why do you come out in a rash when I give you your wages?"
I said: "It's because I'm allergic to peanuts!" ___ Stupid driver next to me is putting on makeup!
I was so shocked I... ...
10:22 Wed 29th Nov 20233 answers, last by Ken4155 13:51 Wed 29th Nov 2023
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Rondy

Microwave

Fancied a microwave ready meal for lunch and it said pierce film in several places. So far I’ve been to Prestatyn, Rhyl, Llandudno and now on my way to Anglesey and still haven’t eaten. How many... ...
17:09 Tue 28th Nov 20232 answers, last by zebo 13:46 Wed 29th Nov 2023
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Rondy

There's More

I was going to cook a surprise Korean meal for the wife today.
But someone let the cat out of the bag! ___ Went to see a fortune teller last week and she told me a lot of money would be coming my... ...
12:19 Tue 28th Nov 20232 answers, last by Patsy33 13:17 Tue 28th Nov 2023
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Patsy33

A New Piece Of Kitchen Equipment

I've just bought a wonderful piece of kitchen equipment that plays Nocturne No. 2 in E flat when it's used.
Yes, I've got a new Chopin board.
22:30 Mon 27th Nov 20236 answers, last by Chipchopper 09:03 Tue 28th Nov 2023
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Rondy

And There's More

I'm developing a new method of air crew training.
It's just a pilot scheme at the moment. ___ I watched a series about a tennis bribery scandal.
It was on Net fix. ___ I’m going to a deodorant party... ...
10:27 Mon 27th Nov 20232 answers, last by Patsy33 11:28 Mon 27th Nov 2023
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Rondy

There's More

Last Christmas I got my wife some I speak your weight scales.
She got on them & it said "1 person at a time" ___ Do I like to make maths-related jokes?
Sum times. ___ Police were suspicious when the... ...
08:23 Sun 26th Nov 20231 answer, last by Patsy33 14:34 Sun 26th Nov 2023
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Chipchopper

New Hobby

I was feeling bored, so a friend suggested I take up a new hobby, I decided to take up fencing, but my neighbour demanded I put it back  
07:19 Sat 25th Nov 20235 answers, last by Canary42 13:28 Sat 25th Nov 2023
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Rondy

And There's More

I have been teaching my dog to fetch tools from my workshop…
He's not perfect, but he knows the drill!
___

For my age I have a lot going for me…
My eyes are going, my knees are going, my back is... ...
12:00 Sat 25th Nov 20231 answer, last by Patsy33 13:14 Sat 25th Nov 2023
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Chipchopper

Sold Out

I went to buy some apples oranges and grapes at the supermarket, but the shelves were bare, it turned out to be a fruitless journey
09:02 Sat 25th Nov 20231 answer, last by Patsy33 13:13 Sat 25th Nov 2023
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Patsy33

Vaseline

I put vaseline on our front doorknob as a joke. My wife didn't find it funny. In fact she flew off the handle.
12:08 Fri 24th Nov 20233 answers, last by david small 06:55 Sat 25th Nov 2023
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Rondy

There's More

I‘m moving to Greece, should I take my Sky dish with me or just smash it on the floor?
___

Went to the Dr the other day because I’ve started growing a tail,my feet are forming into trotters,I can’t... ...
12:46 Wed 22nd Nov 20232 answers, last by Patsy33 16:28 Wed 22nd Nov 2023

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