ChatterBank0 min ago
Complaints to the borough council: My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it. And he's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't...
“You know you’ve reached middle age when you’re cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police.”
—Joan Rivers...
So I went to see a cheerupodist
If anyone knows where to buy great sausages, please post a link.
One evening Alex Fergusons phone rings. It's the fire brigade telling him Old trafford is on fire."The Cups" shouts Ferguson. "Save the cups" "Don't worry sir" says the fireman " The flames haven't...
Shamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn't have a lot of money between them, they could only raise the staggering sum of one Euro. Murphy said 'Hang on, I have an idea.' He went next door to...
The residents of Dubai do not enjoy watching "The Flintstones", but the people of Abu Dhabi do....
I have always been proud of my Scottish heritage but when researching my family tree I found that my ancestors were actually from Transylvania!
Now I can't even look at myself in the mirror....
Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. So they loaded up Jack's minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. They pulled into a nearby farm...
is leaving me because of my love for horse racing, she’s at the gate aaand she’s off!...
The bartender asks the guy sitting at the bar, "What'll you have?" The guy answers, "A scotch please." The bartender hands him the drink and says, "That'll be five pounds," to which the guy replies,...
A young Eskimo boy comes in from school.
"Mum, what's for dinner tonight ?"
"Vera Lynn", said his mother.
"Ohhh, no - not whale meat again !!"...
An old cowboy sat down at Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee. As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the cowboy and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?' He...
A man walks out of a pub into the cool night air, after a few beers, and starts to feel a little dizzy. A concerned passer-by notices that he's looking the worse for wear and asks him if he has...
Mountains aren't funny.
They're hill areas....
Pro tip: If you're tired of boiling water when you make pasta, just boil a few gallons at the beginning of the week and freeze it for later.
Three Canadians and three Americans were travelling to a hockey game. The three Americans each buy tickets and watch as the three Canadians buy only a single ticket. How are the three people going to...
Little Johnny is sent to the store to buy nuts by his mum. On his way, he comes across a circus, the main attraction of which was a life-sized robot of King Kong. Little Johnny, obviously, forgets all...
Once my dog ate all the Scrabble tiles.
For days he kept leaving little messages around the house....
just pulled me over and said "Papers?" I said "Scissors, I win! " and drove off. I think he wants a rematch-he´s been chasing me for the last 45minutes!...
