A Yorkshireman's beloved wife passed away. He went to a stonemason to sort out a headstone for her grave. Being a devout man, he decided the inscription should read, 'She was thine'. The... ...
As a trucker stops at a red traffic light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window, and she says "Hi, my name is... ...
I went to buy a digital watch and the guy tried to sell me an analogue one. I said to him, "What is this, a wind up?" ___ My wife asked me what see should do with this bubble wrap? I said just pop... ...
My friend was in Canada and was attacked by a huge bear… I'll spare you the grizzly details! ___ Spent all day horse riding… It was great until I ran out of 50p coins! ___ I haven't renewed my... ...
Two young guys were at a party in the woods with some friends, all drinking beer, when all of a sudden there was a tremendous storm with lots of thunder and rain. The two of them ran through the... ...
They said on tv this morning that 20% of all driving accidents are cause by drunk drivers. That means that the other 80% are caused by drivers that are stone cold sober. In other words If all... ...
I’ve learned 99% of the English language. I’m almost their. ___ I walked into a bank, pointed a long, thin piece of wood at the ceiling and shouted: "This is a stick up!" ___ Yesterday I went rock... ...
Housework was a woman's job (?) but one evening, Maggie arrived home from work to find the children bathed, one load of laundry in the washer and another in the dryer. Dinner was on the cooker, and... ...
You're welcome to drive out from Cairo and visit the Pyramids - when you arrive at the car park just toot and come in. ___ This guy walks into the local bar one Friday afternoon when he gets out of... ...
Both my mates are called William Hill - what are the odds! ___ I asked a librarian if they had any books on 'Different noise levels'. The librarian said: "Sure!! What volume would you like?" ___ Who... ...
Last night I told my wife I was feeling horny. "Well, we can soon sort that out", she said with a wink, and slowly undressed. flip me, she was right... I stopped feeling horny immediately! ___ I was... ...
Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop in Dingle, they walk over to the bird section and Gerry says to Paddy, 'Dat's dem.' The owner comes over and asks if he can help them. 'Yeah, we'll take four of dem... ...
A guy with a 25 inch willy goes to the doctor and said "I can't live with this willy anymore! It's too long!". The doctor replied "go to the swamp and find a female frog and ask her to marry... ...