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Jokes

Looking for a laugh? There are plenty of funny jokes being told on The AnswerBank, so sit back, relax and have a read.

301 to 320 of 2514

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Rondy

And There's More

Bill: Where did you get that gold watch Joe?
Joe: I won it in a race.
Bill: How many people participated in it?
Joe: Three, a policeman, the owner of the watch, and me!
___

“A man walks into a pharmacy... ...
15:25 Mon 30th Oct 20231 answer, last by stocksman 17:51 Mon 30th Oct 2023
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maggiebee

Hallowe'en

What's it like to be kissed by a vampire? It's a pain in the neck.
11:18 Mon 30th Oct 20232 answers, last by Patsy33 12:13 Mon 30th Oct 2023
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Rondy

Phone Call

My phone rang on the bus this morning and after I'd taken the call, the guy behind me said,"Excuse me, I wonder if you could settle an argument for us? My friend and I heard your phone ringing and... ...
16:42 Sun 29th Oct 20231 answer, last by Hopkirk 16:45 Sun 29th Oct 2023
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bookbinder

Owl

"Somebody told me that you talk like an owl." "Hoo?"
22:37 Fri 27th Oct 20235 answers, last by DTCwordfan 12:25 Sun 29th Oct 2023
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DTCwordfan

A Brummy Joke

Man walks into a Brummy tailor and orders a suit. When it's ready he is back in and the black pinstripe is a treat, and the tailor says so as in 'it's looking great on you, sir.' The buyer reflects... ...
17:44 Tue 24th Oct 202312 answers, last by barry1010 00:13 Sun 29th Oct 2023
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Rondy

And There's More

Did you hear about the new Chinese Cookbook being sold only at pet stores?
"101 Ways to Wok Your Dog"
___

I saw a man coming out of Buckingham Palace covered in wallpaper so I asked him what... ...
15:33 Fri 27th Oct 20231 answer, last by retrocop 15:39 Fri 27th Oct 2023
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maggiebee

Rant

Not had a rant for a while; sorry, but I need to vent!!!! I experienced the WORST customer service the other day at a shop in town. I don't want to mention the name of the shop because I'm not sure... ...
14:04 Fri 27th Oct 20233 answers, last by Moorea7 14:31 Fri 27th Oct 2023
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1ozzy

The Rest Of The World..

..when the news posters fire up on AB https://ibb.co/6PmczVd ...
06:30 Fri 27th Oct 20233 answers, last by Patsy33 11:58 Fri 27th Oct 2023
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Rondy

A Few More

Had the worst day ever. I paid a joiner to build me a double bed and he's done a bunk.
It's just one thing on top of another.
___

Sadly I couldn't take both of my emotional support vultures on the... ...
11:05 Thu 26th Oct 20231 answer, last by Patsy33 13:01 Thu 26th Oct 2023
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Rondy

The Undertaker

Bob, an undertaker recently came home with a black eye. His wife asked him: "What happened to you?"
"I've had a terrible day," says Bob.  "I had to go to a hotel where a guest had died in his... ...
15:28 Wed 25th Oct 20232 answers, last by Khandro 11:37 Thu 26th Oct 2023
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melv16

Therese Coffey

I gather her new nickname is. Nellie The Effluent 😁
09:12 Thu 26th Oct 20231 answer, last by Tilly2 09:18 Thu 26th Oct 2023
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Rondy

There's More

Did you know that when you pass on, the last things that stop working are your eyes?
That's because the eyes die late...
___
Dear Ghosts:
If you can move things around and flicker the lights; you can... ...
15:19 Tue 24th Oct 20231 answer, last by Ellipsis 17:03 Tue 24th Oct 2023
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Rondy

Quiz

Called in for a radio quiz the other day.

The presenter asked me did I know anything about geography?

I mentioned that I had a degree in the subject and my hobby was travel.

So she said 'anyway, for... ...
09:15 Tue 24th Oct 20232 answers, last by Patsy33 12:53 Tue 24th Oct 2023
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Canary42

South Western Railway Joke

  To be found in the toilet on most SWR trains.   https://ibb.co/Xbwv2Fb ...
00:02 Tue 24th Oct 20232 answers, last by DTCwordfan 05:59 Tue 24th Oct 2023
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Hopkirk

Marriage

Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end you wish you had a spade and a club.
19:37 Sun 22nd Oct 20236 answers, last by Hopkirk 12:50 Mon 23rd Oct 2023
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Rondy

And There's More

A corporal gets called before his CO The CO bellows "Have you been AWOL, I've been trying to find you all morning?!"
"No sir, I was at camouflage practice, Sir!"
 "Well I was at camouflage practice... ...
12:32 Mon 23rd Oct 20232 answers, last by Patsy33 12:41 Mon 23rd Oct 2023
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Rondy

There's More

Two cannibals finished eating a professional footballer.
One said to the other 'what did you think of that?'
His mate replied 'he had a tasty left foot!'. ___ My wife is like a newspaper.

There is a... ...
04:56 Mon 23rd Oct 20231 answer, last by Patsy33 12:10 Mon 23rd Oct 2023
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Rondy

Best Friend

My very best friend passed away recently. Grieving in front of his grave, I said: "Bro I really miss you, my wife is eight months pregnant and I'd love it If you reincarnated as my new baby." One... ...
14:21 Sun 22nd Oct 20231 answer, last by Patsy33 16:14 Sun 22nd Oct 2023
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Patsy33

Irrational Fear..

I have this irrational fear of Horse chestnut trees.
I will conquer it one day
13:25 Sun 22nd Oct 20238 answers, last by Moorea7 14:04 Sun 22nd Oct 2023
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Rondy

A Few More

I was brought up in the country. Where we lived there were only four houses.
One of the neighbours had twins, and they were so alike no one could tell them apart.
Except me!!
I noticed the boy was... ...
08:25 Sun 22nd Oct 20231 answer, last by maggiebee 10:57 Sun 22nd Oct 2023

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