Shopping & Style1 min ago
..I couldn't resist https:/
I wrote a play about the weather, and I got 5 actors dressed as clouds for the rehearsal. On the opening night, 6 clouds turned up. It was overcast.
..Snails don't play hide and seek. https:/
I stopped at a fast-food restaurant recently. I was fascinated by a sign which offered Fat-Free French Fries. I decided to give them a try.
I was dismayed when the clerk pulled a basket of fries... ...
I was dismayed when the clerk pulled a basket of fries... ...
..dogs don't use the internet https:/
..Cats eventually get to heaven. https:/
My wife ran off with the plumber. It's left me feeling drained 🙄
A Yorkshire man walks into a vets.
Man: "Summit up wi' t' cat."
Vet: "Is it a tom?"
Yorkshire man: "Nah, it's ere int basket."
Man: "Summit up wi' t' cat."
Vet: "Is it a tom?"
Yorkshire man: "Nah, it's ere int basket."
I've got two albums to listen to tonight, one by The Jam and the other by Cream.
I just don't know which one to put on first!
___
The mutant World Cup final will be played over 3 legs.
___
I was at a... ...
I just don't know which one to put on first!
___
The mutant World Cup final will be played over 3 legs.
___
I was at a... ...
A woman was enjoying a good game of golf with her girlfriends. "Oh, no!" she suddenly exclaimed. "Look at the time! I have to rush home and fix dinner for my husband! He'll be so *** if it's... ...
..some men always be single. https:/
A woman answered her front door and found Little Johnny and Billy holding a list. "Lady," Johnny explained, "We are on a scavenger hunt, and we still need three grains of wheat, a pork chop bone... ...
I Just walked into Waterstones and said, "I'd like a book by Shakespeare please ?"
"Of course, Sir, which one?" She said.
I replied, "William."
Not too clever some shop assistants are... ...
"Of course, Sir, which one?" She said.
I replied, "William."
Not too clever some shop assistants are... ...
Paddy's wife was ready to give birth so he rushes her to hospital.
On arrival the nurse asks 'how dilated is she'?
To which Paddy replies 'Dilated....Oh Jaysus we're both over the moon'!
___
Just paid... ...
On arrival the nurse asks 'how dilated is she'?
To which Paddy replies 'Dilated....Oh Jaysus we're both over the moon'!
___
Just paid... ...
..Rhinos don't paint. https:/
Lord Nelson was about 5ft 6in tall. His statue is 17ft 4in tall. That's Horatio of about 3:1.
My friend Alfie who is a keen cricketer had both his legs amputated. First match back he was out first ball. Stumped!
Ducks enjoy hunting season. https:/
..Pinocchio doesn't like winter. https:/
Gladiator: My name is Maximus Decimus Christophus Meridius commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions and loyal servant to-...
Barista: I've run out of room on the cup... ...
Barista: I've run out of room on the cup... ...
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