News1 min ago
I'll admit it, I have a tremendous sex drive.
My girlfriend lives 40 miles away....
I got detained for peeing into my local swimming pool
''But everyone pees in the
pool '' , I protested .
''Not from the 50 feet diving board sir '' said the attendant...
(For full transparency I must declare that this is copied from a listener's input on the Ken Bruce show on Radio 2 yesterday.) I went to see my doctor the other day. "Doctor" I said "I keep mentioning...
I went into a bakers yesterday. "How much for a big doughnut?" I asked.. "A paand" says yer man. "OK so. How much for this cream cake" I asked. "A paand" says he. And so on, and so forth. "OK", says I...
A German guy is at the French border. A French customs officer asks him some questions. "Name?" "Hans Gruber." "Place of Residence?" "Berlin." "Occupation?" "No, I'm just visiting."...
Whats something really cringe in middle school you did or thought? I’m just curious I thought this would be funny c:...
I've just ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. . . . . I'll let you know.
On a scale of 1-10 how normal is it for your cat to float up in the air and start flying around your room, going on your computer and typing in how to wipe out dogs from the face of the earth, and...
A wise Chinese man once said, "It is only when a mosquito lands on your testicles that you realise there is always a way to solve problems without using violence."...
I visited my new friend in his apartment.
He told me to make myself at home, so I threw him out.
I hate having visitors....
Currently birdwatching with Sinead O’Connor.
So far it’s been 7 Owls and 15 Jays......
A blonde's recipe: It's fun to cook for Tom. Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately. The neighbours were nice enough to loan me some extra bowls. Tom wanted fruit salad...
When should condoms be used? Every conceivable occasion.
Guess who I bumped into on my way to get my glasses fixed? Everybody.
Fred Goes Out Drinking Every Night... Every night after dinner, Fred took off for the local watering hole. He would spend the whole evening there and always arrive home, quite inebriated, around...
I thought it was the washing machine that was responcable for shrinking all my clothes,
It turns out it was the fridge, all along...
So many people these days are too judgmental.
I can tell just by looking at them....
Asked the cashier in Waterstones if the Prince Harry Book can be downloaded
She said 'Do you mean a PDF file'
I went 'Nah, that's his Uncle'...
A man hurriedly eats his breakfast, grabs his coat and hat, before leaving for work. Wife : "Our new neighbour across the street always kisses his wife, when he leaves for work each morning, why can't...
I have a pet tree, it's a bit like a dog, only the bark is different
