Car Won't Start, But Rac Can't Find...
Motoring8 mins ago
An old one. "My wife went to the West Indies". " Jamaica?". " No, she went on her own accord!"....
1. You consider scattered showers with outbreaks of sunshine as good weather. 2. The only sausage you like is square. 3. You were forced to do Scottish country dancing every year at secondary school....
I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me before he kicked the bucket.
He looked me in the eyes and said, “Son, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?”...
Virginity like bubble, one prick, all gone. Man who run in front of car get tired. Man who run behind car get exhausted. Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day. Foolish man give wife grand piano,...
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard when he lives in the jungle without a razor? Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat? Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient...
For my birthday my children gave me an alarm clock that swears at me instead of buzzing.
It's a rude awakening....
The Lion Attacked by Claude Yarmoff The Art of Archery by Beau N. Arrow Songs for Children by Barbara Blacksheep Irish Heart Surgery by Angie O'Plasty Desert Crossing by I. Rhoda Camel School Truancy...
The world champion tongue twister just got arrested and was given a really tough sentence.
.. can be important
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I nearly got knocked off my bike by a council salt lorry tonight.
"You idiot!" I shouted through gritted teeth....
Rumour has it that Kane's penalty has just gone into orbit round Mars..
So far, this is the oldest I've ever been...................
I told my wife I wanted to be cremated. She made an appointment for me for next Tuesday. __________ Top Tip: To stop your car windscreen icing up rub a half potato over it the night before, the starch...
If anyone is alone with nobody to spend Christmas with, please let me know. I need to borrow some chairs.................
Phoned the Dentist for an emergency appointment. Receptionist said '2.30'. I said 'Yes, very much I'm in agony.' ___________ Apparently last night in bed I was rambling about having been born in...
Upon arrival at the Pearly Gates, you are allowed one wish for anyone you left behind, back on earth. St. Peter explained this to a woman who had just recently arrived, and asked what her one wish...
,, have this problem?
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I’m reading a great book about an immortal dog – It's impossible to put down....
I told a friend of mine I liked Beyoncé. She said “Whatever floats your boat”
I said “No, that’s buoyancy…”...
A construction worker goes to a doctor and complains about constipation. The doctor examines him, takes a cricket bat and whacks him on the ***. The guy goes to the bathroom, washes himself and comes...
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