Food & Drink1 min ago
SIGNS: On a repair shop door: WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK) __________ Notice in a farmer's field: THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR...
There's this little guy sat at a bar, when suddenly a thug smacks him and says "that's KUNGFU from Japan". Sometime later the thug again smacks the little guy saying "that's KARATE from Korea". Well...
A chap is walking his dog past the vicarage he looks in the window and sees the vicar masturbating , He whips out his camera phone and takes a picture He later shows the picture to the "I have been...
Harley Davidson died and went to heaven where he was boasting to god how he'd created the best motorbike in the world! God disagreed, saying: "BMW's were a better designed bike!" Harley said "What in...
It takes guts to be an organ donor.
I visited the local office of the RSPCA yesterday.
It's tiny. You couldn't swing a cat in there....
An American man suffered a serious heart attack while shopping in a store. The store assistants called for an ambulance when they saw him collapse to the floor. The paramedics rushed the man to the...
I got fired from my job as a film set designer.
I left without making a scene...
At the end of a church sermon the vicar asked his congregation "has anyone ever seen a ghost" ?, and about thirty people put their hands up. "Okay then, has anyone ever kissed a ghost" ?, and five...
Did you hear about the man who fell into an upholstery machine?
He's fully recovered....
A sign in the window of a bar advertised for a Piano Player and one day a scroungy looking old guy entered the bar asking about the job. The bartender was put off by the man's looks, but pointed him...
I bought the wife a new bag and belt for her birthday
The hoover works great now....
A British soldier, on tour abroad, saw a young lad kicking a shell case around. Impressed with his skills, the young soldier brought him a football, and watched him , as he improved his skills, until...
I entered ten puns in a contest to see which would win.
No pun in ten did....
People used to get agitated if you talked about cosmetic treatments.
Now you can talk about Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow....
A chap buys a new Mercedes he turns on the radio and nothing happens so he goes back to the showroom and shouts "When i pay £50.000 for a car i expect the radio to work" The salesman explains that the...
Do you know that goats mate for life?
They do it for the sake of the kids!...
A woman and her friend are visiting the zoo. They are standing in front of the big silver back gorillas cage when one woman makes a gesture that the gorilla interprets as an invitation. He grabs her,...
Did you hear about the Italian chef who died? He pasta way!
Two priests are off to the showers late one night. They undress and step into the showers before they realize there is no soap. Father John says he has soap in his room and goes to get it, not...
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