Food & Drink3 mins ago
A beautiful blonde from Dublin arrived at the casino and bet twenty-thousand Euros on a single roll of the dice. She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude"....
A man goes to the doctors to get the results of his illness. "I'm afraid you have Yellow 42 - a disease so rare it doesn't even have a proper name. Bad news is.. you only have six months to live..."...
Nun and a Priest were crossing the Sahara desert on a camel. On the Third day out, the camel suddenly dropped dead without warning. After dusting themselves off, the Nun and the Priest surveyed their...
Jeff had gone to propose to his girlfriend and returned home crying bitterly. "What happened, son?" his father asked, eagerly awaiting her response. "Did she accept?" "No, she sure didn't," sobbed...
A list of eight jokes (probably)only Scots would understand: 1. A Glasgow woman goes to the dentist and settles down in the chair. "Comfy?" asks the dentist. "Govan," she replies. 2. How many Spanish...
Waiter: "How do you like your steak, sir?" Sir: "Like winning an argument with my wife." Waiter: "Rare it is." __________ I'm really surprised that women's football has taken off so well. Didn't think...
I only know 25 letters of the alphabet.
I don't know why....
I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and...
Tongue in cheek, but funny too. IT'S A PURE DEAD GIVE-AWAY THAT YOU'RE SCOTTISH IF :- 1. You consider scattered showers with outbreaks of sunshine as good weather. 2. The only sausage you like is...
What do you call a belt made of watches?
A waist of time....
A typical Essex girl: An Essex girl is involved in a nasty car crash and is trapped and bleeding. The paramedics soon arrive on site. Medic: 'It's OK I'm a paramedic and I'm going to ask you some...
A teenage granddaughter comes downstairs for her date with this see-through blouse on and no bra. Her grandmother just pitched a fit, telling her not to dare go out like that! The teenager tells her...
I just got 3 tips off a bookie for the Grand National. Sunshine. Moonlight. Good Times If they don't win, don't blame it on Sunshine, don't blame it on Moonlight, don't blame it on Good Times, blame...
I was in a restaurant the other night. I said to the waiter "We'll have some wine with our meal and make sure it's a good voltage." "Doesn't sir mean vintage?" "No" I said "Voltage. Your prices are...
Baby Bear goes downstairs, sits in his small chair at the table. He looks into his small bowl. It is empty. 'Who's been eating my porridge?!?' he squeaks. Daddy Bear arrives at the big table and sits...
Two guys chatting in a bar. 'My wife keeps hinting about a sexy gift she wants,' one says. 'She said it begins with D and ends in O, and vibrates in a pleasing way.' 'Blimey ,' the second guy gasps....
An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a...
Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a check-up, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help...
A rookie police officer was assigned to ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner. A call came over the car's radio telling them to disperse some people who were loitering. The officers drove to...
A blind man was getting on an aeroplane with his guide dog and was given wonderful treatment first class. When the plane landed for fuel the pilot said to the man “Shall I take your dog for a little...
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