Home & Garden1 min ago
A married couple receive a bank statement with a huge overdraft. They also receive a final demand for the gas bill. So they agree to save money. That evening, they are watching TV when the man gets up...
A local yokel walks into a hardware store and asks for a chain saw that will cut 6 trees in one hour. The salesman recommends the top of the line model. The yokel is suitably impressed, and buys it....
https:/
At a party, a young wife admonished her husband, “That’s the fourth time you’ve gone back for ice cream and cake. Doesn’t it embarrass you?” “Why should it?” answered her spouse. “I keep telling them...
I remember as a child, being cast in the lead role of a silent version of the film Oliver. I couldn’t ask for more. ___ "Je t'adore" said the sophisticated French Lady. "Shut it yourself" said the...
A woman goes to the Doctor, worried about her husband 's temper. The Doctor asks: "What's the problem? The woman says: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every day my husband seems to lose his temper...
Three guys were sitting around in a bar discussing whose wife was the most frigid. Harry was definitely sure he had the worst of it. "Listen, you guys," he said, "my wife comes to bed with an ice cube...
On a beautiful sunny Saturday afternoon my buddy and I stood on the first tee of our Golf Club. He had just pulled out his driver when a young woman in a wedding dress came running up to him, crying....
Riding the favourite in the Chester cup, a jockey was well ahead of the field. Suddenly he was hit on the head by a turkey and a string of sausages. He managed to keep control of his mount and pulled...
A circus is holding auditions and a 91 year old man shows up. "What do you do?" asks the ringmaster. "I bend over backwards," says the man, "and pick up a handkerchief off the floor with my teeth."...
An elderly man rear ends a guy driving an expensive sports car. Enraged, the guy hops out of his car and confronts the old man. “Look what you did to my car” he yells. “you’re gonna give me £10,000...
There was an advert in our local paper for a fanny waxers assistant, in the job description it said, you will need to greet beautiful women with a smile, then help undress and bath them, then you will...
A telemarketer calls, "I would like to speak with Max, please." The homeowner reluctantly replies, "I suppose that would be possible, but it seems rather strange." The telemarketer responds, "Why...
Two Guys in their Mid-Twenties, are sitting at a Bar having a Beer. One of the guys says to his buddy, “Man, you really look tired.” His Buddy says, “Mate, I'm exhausted. My Girlfriend wants Sex all...
Two little boys stole a load of apples from a neighbours apple tree. They decided to go to a quiet place to share the lot equally. One of them suggested the nearby cemetery. As they were jumping over...
I told my friend: "Whatever you do, don't use that 12 inch long cotton bud that I've left on the bathroom shelf",
but did she listen?
No! It just went in one ear and out the other....
A woman called her husband during the day and asked him to pick up some organic vegetables for that night’s dinner on his way home. The husband arrived at the store and began to search all over for...
Saw a porn film last night. A woman was giving a hand job to a joiner, a plumber, an electrician and a plasterer... It was called, "Jack Off All Trades!" ___ A man goes to confession after a long...
A father came home from a long business trip to find his son riding a very fancy new 10 speed bike. ''Where did you get the money for the bike? It must have cost £300.'' ''Easy, Dad,'' the boy...
Two interesting facts about me.
Number 1. My penis is the same length as an Argos pen .
Number 2. I'm banned from Argos....
