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Three men are sitting in a room smoking cannabis. After a few spliffs they run out of gear. One of the men stands up and says, 'Look, we've got loads more tobacco, I'll just nip into the kitchen and...
A patient about to go in for surgery at a small hospital was very nervous. Noticing his concern, the head surgeon traipsed up to him and said, "Don't worry, in all of my experience as a surgeon, only...
Grounds for divorce? Q. Are you married? A. No, I'm divorced. Q. And what did your husband do before you divorced him? A. A lot of things I didn't know about at the time. ___ Q. How did you happen to...
A nurse is out walking in her hospital's park. A man comes up and asks if he can kiss her. "No", she replies. "Well", says the man, "that's the first time I've been refused on medical grounds!"...
A WOMAN was flying from Melbourne to Brisbane. Unexpectedly, the plane was diverted to Sydney along the way. The flight attendant explained that there would be a delay, and if the passengers wanted to...
Three sisters were all getting married within a short time period. Mum was a bit worried about how their sex life would get started and made them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with...
Married 25 years, I took a look at my wife one day and said, "Honey, 25 years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10 inch black and white TV, but I got to...
A lorry has shed its load of electrical goods on the M57 near Liverpool. Police expect the road to be cleared within five minutes.
A man joins a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day, he takes off his clothes and starts to wander around. A gorgeous blonde walks by, and the man immediately gets an erection. The woman...
A married man was visiting his ''girlfriend'' when she suggested that he shave his beard. ''OK Ken. I like your beard, but I would really love to see your handsome face ''. Ken replied ''my wife loves...
Paddy and Mick were both laid off, so they went to the unemployment office: When asked his occupation, Paddy answered, "Knicker Stitcher, i sew da elastic onto ladies' knickers and thongs." The clerk...
An alcoholic, a male nymphomaniac, and a smoker all die and are going to Heaven. When they get to the pearly gates, Peter completely loses him temper. He says, “I’m SO sick of you sinners just being...
A couple were on holiday to Thailand. The husband ordered a massage for them both in their hotel room. After massaging the man for a while the Thai girl said: "Massage Pinis." The man looked very...
"After bob died, everyone gathered at his funeral. Then the minister started to speak: "He was a model husband, a decent man, a terrific father.." The widow then makes a motion for her son to come to...
I was in a cafe this morning and heard two waitresses having a massive row over how long a tea bag should be left in a cup. It got so bad it ended up in violence. I asked the manager what had happened...
It is not generally known that the Duke of Wellington had a twin brother. In school, they were known as a pair of wellingtons. ___ I stopped going to watch live matches at Wimbledon when they added a...
Patrick, who was on holiday from Ireland on Bondi beach, couldn"t seem to make it with any of the girls. So he asked the local lifeguard for some advice. "Mate, it"s obvious," says the lifeguard,...
A boy asked a girl in a library "do you mind if i sit besides you"? The girl answered in a loud angry voice "I don't want to spend a night with you" All the people in the library started starring at...
A urologist in London had a water leak in his bathroom on a Sunday. He called a plumber who charged him a £50 call out fee plus another £100 for fixing the problem in 15 minutes. The urologist was...
An Australian drover had been on a cattle drive for two months in the bush and came back to his town. He charged into the crowded Pub waving a six gun revolver. "OK you bludgers. Which one of you...
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