Film, Media & TV19 mins ago
I was asked to give a talk at a meeting for Kleptomaniacs. As I walked into the room for the Kleptomania Anonymous meeting I saw a sign that read: "Please come in and take a seat". There weren't any....
Remember we old folks are worth a fortune, with silver in our hair, gold in our teeth, stones in our kidneys and gas in our stomachs. While I have become a little older since I saw you last, I have...
Once, my father came home and found me in front of a roaring fire. That made my father very mad, as we didn’t have a fireplace....
Yesterday was national beaver day, dam I missed it. ___ My wife asked how come I push all her buttons. I told her because it's impossible to find the mute button. ___ An ancient Grecian with torn...
Because the P is silent...
A preacher was known for long and boring sermons. He preached for about one hour when he stopped to scold the congregation. He said, "I know you think my sermons are long, but I've got something...
What is the best kind of rice to go with fish ?
Bass-marti of course...
Church notice board: Thursday at 5pm, there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers club. All wishing to become little mothers, please see the minister in his study This Easter being Easter Sunday, we...
A five year old girl was usually taken to school by her grandfather, however one morning Grandad had Flu so the young girl was driven to school by her grandmother. That night the little girl told her...
My friend Anne is a geologist. I call her Rocks Anne. ___ I said to the Librarian: “Do you have Great Expectations?" She said: "I did but ended up working in this place." ___ If you want to know how...
The creepy looking guy, who looks after the fruit and veg section at the supermarket, is Croce.
His brother, who runs the deli counter is even grocer...
is in yom fridge
King Charles is referred to by his staff as KC....
Apparently HRH refers to the rest of his family as The Sunshine Band...
Pat was doing a crossword but got stuck He said to his friend Mick, "I'm stuck on 2 down, flightless bird from Iceland (6,7)" Mick thinks for a minute then says, "that's easy ya thicko, it's frozen...
The owner of a company tells his employees, “You worked very hard this year, therefore the company’s profits increased dramatically. As a reward, I'm giving everyone a cheque for £5,000!” Thrilled,...
It wasn't much fun last year having a broken neck. But at least now I can look back and laugh. ___ I gave my French girlfriend a pendant with "le monde" carved in. It means the world to her. ___ I...
Why can`t they change the clocks at a more reasonable time instead of me having to get up at 2am to do it ? ___ I have an A-Team attitude to cooking. I love it when a flan comes together. ___ We must...
An engineer, an operations manager, an accountant, and a software technical support person were traveling together in a car to attend an urgent meeting. Ten miles from the meeting the car breaks down....
I've just come back from a once in a lifetime holiday........
Never again!...
Why do scuba divers roll backwards out of the boat?
It's because if they rolled forwards, they would still be in the boat....