Film, Media & TV75 mins ago
Tech Support: 'Ok Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager.'...
The tired doctor was awakened by a phone call in the middle of the night. "Please, you have to come right over," pleaded the distraught young mother. "My child has swallowed a condom!" The physician...
A man broke down in his mini and he was standing looking in the bonnet when a new Rolls Royce pulled up and the driver asked if he could help. It was agreed that the Rolls Royce would tow the Mini to...
A guy was riding his bike to work, on his bike, when he was showered with grit by a council gritting lorry.
"Just wait till I get my hands on you" he shouted through gritted teeth!...
"How did it happen? " the doctor asked the middle-aged farmhand as he set the man's broken leg. "Well, doc, 25 years ago..." "Never mind the past! Tell me how you broke your leg this morning." "Like I...
Four farmers sat at the bar talking while a young girl sat at a nearby table listening to the conversation. One man said it's woumb, another man said no it's whooom A third man said no it's...
A police officer rings into his station: "I'm at this house sergeant, the one where a woman has shot her husband for walking on the floor that she'd just mopped." "Ok, constable, have you arrested...
A Jelly Baby walks into a bar and starts talking to a Smartie. After a few beers the Smartie says "Ere, a bunch of us are heading to that new club, fancy tagging along?" The Jelly Baby says "No mate,...
After having their 11th child, a Liverpool couple decided that was enough, as the social wouldnt buy them a bigger bed and they weren't strong enough to nick one. The husband went to his doctor and...
I knew a girl who once mixed jelly with superglue.
I asked her what happened, but she said her lips were sealed......No, hang on a minute???...
A midget cowboy goes to see his doctor. "Doc, I've got this pain in my testicles. I think it may be a hernia. Could you check it out?" The doctor examines the midget cowboy, ponders for a moment, then...
I bought a new muzzle for my pet duck the other day… Nothing fancy, but it fits the bill! ___ We past a shop that with a large sign that said ’Stainless Steel Sinks’. My mate said “everyone knows...
I keep saying ‘Welsh rabbit’ instead of ‘Welsh rarebit’
Think I’m suffering from mixing my toasties...
#StDavidsDay...
A guy came home to his wife and said, "Guess what? I've found a great job. A 10 a.m. start, 2 p.m. finish, no overtime, no weekends and it pays £600 a week!" "That's great," his wife said. "Yeah, I...
A man, returning home a day early from a business trip, got into a taxi at the airport. It was after midnight. While en route to his home, he asked the cabby if he would come in with him and be a...
A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards. The little boy asked why he wore his collar that way. The man, who was a priest, said, " I am...
It’s fortunate that we have freedom of speech. It’s unfortunate that supply exceeds demand....
Great news, Mr. Bradley," the psychiatrist reported. "After eighteen months of therapy, I can pronounce you finally and completely cured of your kleptomania. You'll never be trapped by the desire to...
Bubba the redneck tired of being the butt of all redneck jokes so he legally changed his name to Candy. He stopped by his girlfriend's house, knocked on her door, and heard, "Who's there?" He said,...
So the wife said to me "What happened to the scarf you were giving me for Christmas?" I said, "I went to the shop, but couldn't remember your size!" It was the same last year! She wanted a coat made...
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