News7 mins ago
I was thinking of going on a cruise around the coast of Norway, but I'm not sure that I can afyord it...
An American stood in London looking at a large building. A British boy walked by and stood beside the American. "You know, boy," said the American, "in the States we have that kind of building too,...
A woman complained to her veterinarian that her dog would start humping her every time he came into the house. "Is there anything you can do?" she asked. The doctor said, "Well, we could castrate him,...
Crazy paving..
https:/
Things you SOULDN'T say on your anniversary: 10. I stopped caring about anniversaries when you stopped caring about your appearance. 9. Today is our what? 8. Okay, let's celebrate, but do we have to...
My grandmother hates her new stairlift. She says that it drives her up the wall.................
Two solicitors boarded a flight out of Manchester. One sat in the window seat, the other sat in the middle seat. Just before take off, a Lawyer got on and took the aisle seat next to the two...
An organ grinder was playing music in the street with a monkey dancing on top. A man who was well known for hating Italians was passing, he took a £20 note from his pocket and dropped it into the...
Policeman: "I am sorry to have to tell you this Mr Brown, but you wife has just fallen into the wishing well and drowned."
Mr Brown: "My God, you say It real works?"...
Two irish nuns were walking back to the convent late at night when they saw a suspicious man coming towards them. “Quick” whispered one of the nuns. “Show him your cross and he may leave us alone.”...
Cucumbers are great for your memory. Someone stuck one up my mates bottom 30 years ago and he still remembers! _________ I went into a shoe shop today and asked to see a pair of loafers. The...
An old timer was reminiscing about his life and times in the wilds of Alaska. A woman, overhearing the conversation, asked: "did you ever hunt bear ?" The man replied: "No, but I went fishing a few...
When someone upsets your day:
May the fleas of a thousand camels infest the crotch of the person who screws up your day..........
and may their arms be too short to scratch!!!!!...
David had recently been ordained as a fully fledged vicar and was posted as a curate to a city church. He spent his first few weeks learning about the workings of of the Parish under the watchful eye...
One day, a wife goes up to her husband and asks for twenty pounds to buy meat. "Are you crazy?" says the husband, who pulls her over to a mirror. "Let me show you something? This twenty-pound note is...
A few days before his rectal examination, a one eyed man accidentally swallowed his glass eye. He was worried for a while, but there were no ill effects, so he forgot about it. Once he was in the...
Last night I went to the pub and met up with a few old mates. We had a lot of catching up to do. and one drink led to another! Being well under the influence, I decided to leave the car and take a bus...
Knock nock.... Whose there ?.
Wuda.
Wuda who ?.
"Wuda, ya wanna make those eyes at me for"...
John was staring sadly into his pint and sighed heavily. "What's up John " asked the landlord, "It's not like you to be so down in the mouth" "It's my four year old son" the man replied. "Don't tell...
I went to my doctors today to tell him about my forthcoming marriage. "I want my sex drive lowered," I demanded. "How old are you," he said, "99." I replied "It's all in your head," he stated, "I...
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