News1 min ago
Thought I spotted the first English super hero earlier. Saw a scouser in Liverpool running down the road wearing a Cape. Turned out the ****** hadn't paid for his haircut..
I saw my wife using her phone to record herself getting her hair styled.
I think she's planning to watch the highlights later. ___ I just saw my wife trip over and drop a basket of clothes she just... ...
I think she's planning to watch the highlights later. ___ I just saw my wife trip over and drop a basket of clothes she just... ...
Never fall in love with a tennis player! Love means nothing to them!
Starting a sugar daddy dating site for people into 80s music.
I'm calling it Girls Just Wanna Have Funds.
I'm calling it Girls Just Wanna Have Funds.
"I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. He later told me it was the most violent book he’d ever read." ___ My girlfriend’s dog died, so I bought her another, identical one. She... ...
Remember back in the days when your TV wouldn't work, you would bang it a few times?I tried that with my dishwasher, but she ended up pregnant. ___ Paddy pulls up at the traffic lights next to a... ...
Why did the chicken join the band? Because it had the drumsticks.
Accidentally took the cats medicine this morning...don't ask meow.
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A small church had a very attractive big-busted organist named Linda. Her breasts were so large that they bounced and jiggled... ...
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A small church had a very attractive big-busted organist named Linda. Her breasts were so large that they bounced and jiggled... ...
I prefer eating asteroids to comets. They're a little meteor... (Courtesy of a Star Trek meta page)
I asked my neighbour when his birthday is? He said March first. So I paraded around his yard then asked him again. ___ A group of American tourists came in. One of the Americans said, in a loud... ...
I've combined my skills of bomb-making and taxidermy..
I'm going to make you an otter you can't defuse. ___ My mother always said to me make sure you have a clean pair of underwear on in case you are... ...
I'm going to make you an otter you can't defuse. ___ My mother always said to me make sure you have a clean pair of underwear on in case you are... ...
A priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish. A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and give a little... ...
I don't normally brag about my expensive trips, but I've just got back from the Vet..
With all this advanced technology these days, you would think someone could invent soundproof underpants.
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Someone just called my phone, sneezed and then just hung up.
I am getting sick and tired... ...
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Someone just called my phone, sneezed and then just hung up.
I am getting sick and tired... ...
A thesaurus is great.
There's no other word for it. ___ There was a long line to get haircuts today.
It was a barberqueue. ___ My wife bought me the Kama Sutra for Xmas.
That's put me in an awkward... ...
There's no other word for it. ___ There was a long line to get haircuts today.
It was a barberqueue. ___ My wife bought me the Kama Sutra for Xmas.
That's put me in an awkward... ...
Me: "Alexa, can you check my bank balance and let me know which Apple product I can afford?"
Alexa: "Apple Juice!" ___ Tech support: “What does the screen say now?”
Customer: “It says ‘Hit enter when... ...
Alexa: "Apple Juice!" ___ Tech support: “What does the screen say now?”
Customer: “It says ‘Hit enter when... ...
Different Box for different generation. https:/
An invisible man married an invisible woman.
Their kids were nothing to look at either. ___ Went to see the worst faith healer ever last night.
He was so bad, even a bloke in a wheelchair got up and... ...
Their kids were nothing to look at either. ___ Went to see the worst faith healer ever last night.
He was so bad, even a bloke in a wheelchair got up and... ...
Last night I went to a fancy dress party dressed as a big chicken and I met a gorgeous woman dressed as a giant egg. In answer to that age old question . . . It was the chicken.
How did Mary and Joseph get their groceries delivered? On a Lidl donkey. You don't realise how old you are until you sit on the floor to wrap Christmas presents and then try to get up. Just rang... ...
