News1 min ago
Just had a Jeovah witness man at my house, he rang the bell, I answered the Door I invited him in, I asked if wanted a drink, he just sat there never said a word, I said OK what's next, he replied......
Why did the homeowner not sue when he fell in the driveway?
It was his own asphalt!
___ I found 5 ants in my front room yesterday today found 5 more apparently they are now tenants. ___
It was his own asphalt!
___ I found 5 ants in my front room yesterday today found 5 more apparently they are now tenants. ___
I threw a ball for my dog today ! He looks great in a tuxedo
The clerk asked me, "Cash, cheque or card?" after ringing up my purchase. As I fumbled through my wallet, she noticed a remote control for a television set in my purse. "Do you always carry your TV... ...
My car broke down today. So I looked under the bonnet and saw a bat sitting on the engine.
He said: "Hello sir, you are very handsome and a very smart dresser too."
I could see the problem straight... ...
He said: "Hello sir, you are very handsome and a very smart dresser too."
I could see the problem straight... ...
As I was sitting around, pondering the problems of the world, I realized that at my age I don't really give a rat's ass anymore. If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.... ...
The prison officer tells the warden, “Sir, I have to report that ten prisoners have broken out.” The alarmed warden says, “Blow the whistles, sound the alarms, alert the police!" With a surprised... ...
There is a new study out about women. I thought these results were pretty interesting. 85% of women think their ass has grown too big since getting married. 10% of women think their ass is just as... ...
I am comforted by porcelain gnomes. In a way they're like my garden angels.
___ The UK economy is so bad that :If the bank returns your cheque marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if... ...
___ The UK economy is so bad that :If the bank returns your cheque marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if... ...
A man tried to sell me a magazine on the High Street.
Bit annoying but not really a Big Issue.
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I’ve just witnessed a flying saucer.
Now my wife’s throwing the cup as well!
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I want to know why my... ...
Bit annoying but not really a Big Issue.
___
I’ve just witnessed a flying saucer.
Now my wife’s throwing the cup as well!
___
I want to know why my... ...
My belly-dancing teacher was struggling to fit me in for a lesson this week but luckily she said she could jiggle a few things around!
The Santa Claus at the mall was very surprised when a young lady about twenty years old walked up and sat on his lap. Santa doesn't usually take requests from adults, but she smiled very nicely at... ...
A man arrives at the repair shop to pick-up his watch.
Clerk: "I haven't finished repairing it yet. just give me a few more minutes.
Man: "Sure, no problem."
The man goes and stands right next to the... ...
Clerk: "I haven't finished repairing it yet. just give me a few more minutes.
Man: "Sure, no problem."
The man goes and stands right next to the... ...
Found one of my pet fish sleeping at the bottom of the tank - I think it's a kipper!
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For the first time in 10 years I have a clean licence.
Pity it’s inside the washing machine.
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Thinking of... ...
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For the first time in 10 years I have a clean licence.
Pity it’s inside the washing machine.
___
Thinking of... ...
Two kids were deciding what game to play. One said, “Let’s play doctor.”
“Good idea,” said the other. “You operate, and I’ll sue.”
___ John looked up to see his mother-in-law walking toward the front... ...
“Good idea,” said the other. “You operate, and I’ll sue.”
___ John looked up to see his mother-in-law walking toward the front... ...
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A guy turned up for a guided walk with cans of Guinness strapped to his feet. Well, He said the leaflet said "stout footwear recommended"
A man approaches a member of staff at the supermarket and asks: - Excuse me madam, which is the best stuff for removing stains in the bathroom? Ammonia cleaner, came the sharp reply. Man: Sorry... ...
Q: Whatever happened to the bedbugs who fell in love?
A: They got married in the spring.
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Little Pete came home from the playground with a bloody nose, black eye, and torn clothing. It was obvious... ...
A: They got married in the spring.
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Little Pete came home from the playground with a bloody nose, black eye, and torn clothing. It was obvious... ...
In my job with a delivery company, I was getting directions to a customer's home. The woman very specifically said, "From the main road in the centre of town go two lights. Look for the post... ...
