Feeling Really Sad

[paulineward]

I know this might not be appropriate...and I understand that people might think it not the right place or time..etc..etc..but you all seem to be my friends, and I am ending my awful day talking to you all in sad circumstances. I have a rapport with a lot of you, and may seem 'away' for a bit...as after loosing my dear brother last year, got woken up this morning (Monday) to a call telling me of sudden death of my 48 year old younger sister. I regard you all as friends, and as everyone has gone home now, and left me alone...I felt I needed to tell you all. Why I don't know, but I feel we are friends, and if I am worst than I normally am..that is why. Hopefully coming on here will keep a little normality to things for me...hope you don't mind...and hope I've not infringed any rules or standards.
Kind regards to everyone...and thanks for being my friends!...Pauline xxxx

[paulineward]

Joanna, Thank you both so much. Your message was beautiful. Your goodnights have not gone unnoticed, and have moved me.
I remember you coming on to AB, but I didn't realise I had become one of your special friends on here, and I am honoured.
You both truly are valued members of our AB 'clan', and I know you are respected by lots of people on here. You can tell what people are like, even though you haven't met them.
Your kindness and thoughtfulness just shines through,(plus the wit!) and believe me, it is appreciated.

I will get by over the next few days, even though I know it will be difficult. It really does help knowing that such caring people like yourselves are thinking of me.
I only hope I haven't caused too much distress to people, as it is clear some sad memories have been brought to the surface again for some.

Aquagility's poem was lovely, I read it out to my husband, as were the other poems people had gone to the trouble to post.

Joanna, thanks again so much for being there for me, and please send my sincere regards to your husband too..along with very kind thoughts from a family in the North of England.

Lots of Love
Paulinexxx

P.S. will speak to you again as soon as I can...take care.

[kettledrum]

Dear Pauline - Just to let you know that I'm thinking of you now and hoping that you will manage to have a good night's rest tonight to give you the strength to get through tomorrow. I know it will be a very difficult day for you and for your girls and I will be thinking of you and praying for you all.
Christine

[sarumite]

Dear Pauline, I can imagine just how distressing things will be for you tomorrow, but know that the strength of character and resolve, that have brought you this far, will help you and your family get through the day.

You are constantly in my thoughts, and I�m sure of many others, at this troubled time. I will say a special prayer for you tonight.

Goodnight and God Bless Pauline (S). xx

[Christiana]

So many of the ABers have reached out with lovely words, Pauline, all I can do is echo them and say, 'Good night, God bless'. Will send a prayer up in the morning and will hold you and your family in my thoughts and prayers throughout the day.

[Ont-ice]

Good night Pauline.

[crofter]

All our thoughts are with you this day xxx

[JoolsTwo]

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family today Pauline. My very best wishes, Love Jools xx

[ulysses100]

Dear Pauline,
I subscribed to this thread to keep me abreast of your news but had had nothing from it since last Friday . I had assumed that it had fallen by the wayside, although others had put asides to you in answers over the following days. I now see that this is not the case and that people such as o-ice and sarumite have been continuing to give supportive and caring messages. May I add my voice to theirs and hope that today passes calmly and uneventfully. Emotions are bound to be riding high but they will be tendered with feelings of love, and people will be around you to support you and your family. I hope that it is a day that you will remember with peace in your heart over the coming weeks and months.
Much love from ulysses (Stephen)

[Christiana]

Good night Pauline. Hope you're coping. God bless

[sarumite]

Still very much in my thoughts .. Goodnight Pauline. (S).

[jetski129]

Hello Pauline,hope you are feeling OK and that Tuesday went well.
Graham

[crofter]

This site has stood frozen on 104 for such a long time waiting for someone to move things on. Pauline is missing and there is a chasm to be filled. Where are you? We need you - as much as we think you need us!

You are never far from our thoughts - and our hearts.

You are an important member of a family bigger than any of us imagined.

[Dustybun]

Dear Pauline
I hope Tuesday went well. The following lines were read at a funeral I attended recently.

"You can shed tears now they are gone,
Or you can smile at how they lived.

You can close your eyes and pray they'll come back,
Or you can open your eyes and see all you had together.

Your heart can be empty because you can't see them,
Or it can be full of the love you shared.

You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,
Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.

You can remember them, and only that they've gone,
Or you can cherish their memory and let it live on.

You can cry and close your mind, be empty and
turn your back,
Or you can do what they would want:
Smile, open your eyes, love and go on."

I'm sure Pauline that all of us on this site understand your pain and hope that you will keep coming back to be comfortable with us. Lots of love.
Dee xxx

[paulineward]

Just popped on to collect my e-mails, and logged on for a minute. Thanks all of you, you really are special.
Think today was worse than yesterday for some reason. been quite weepy and not much company at all I'm afraid.

My youngest sister..the 'baby' of the family (at 36) has been quite distressed, and has needed me more than I realised.
There were 6 of us, and the eldest brother has gone and now the sister just younger than me.

I have 1 sister older now and a brother and sister younger than me. I seem to be the one they turn to, and it has been really difficult.

Anyway..I have depressed you all long enough.

My girls have just all settled, so I thought I would have a little time alone. The joke is now the internet is playing up for me again, so if I can't reply to anyone, please don't think I am ignoring you, bear with me.

You have all been so kind, and I don't know what I'd do without you...am typing this tearfully but lovingly.
Take care
Lots of love
Pauline xx

[seekeerz]

Pauline my dear, I was just about to write when your post came in - glad to hear from you and don't think about the tears, they're healing you. I can imagine that Tuesday was quite a drain on you, I can only hope our thoughts and prayers sustained you a little and will keep on doing so in the days to come - try to get some rest now, and we'll hear from you another day [and don't computers play up just when you do need them ?? !!] love Steff xxx

[Ont-ice]

So good to hear from you.
As seekereez says - let the tears fall. They are a healing of a kind.
After Dustybun's lovely words I have only one quote for you:

'Love is all there is. It's what we take with us and what we leave behind."

Think on the love, and the memories, your sister has left behind.

Good night Pauline.

[jetski129]

Dear Pauline,you dont depress us.I have been so uplifted to know there are so many kind and caring people there.Hope all their and my thoughts hope to lift you and help with the healing process.
Graham

[Aquagility]

Good morning, Pauline. I have been re-reading this extraordinary thread. And apart from the help which I hope it may be bringing you, there are several things which ocurred to me.
1. You were already having a pretty tough time, without this last loss.
2. There is an old saying, very true, that if you want something doing, you ask a busy person. You will prevail, Paulene, and in the end your sadness will not make you miserable.
3. By sharing your thoughts with us you have created a close-knit family of ABers which I think is a happy thing for us all. It is a family to which I aspire to belong.
God bless. Aq.