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excelsior-1

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McMouse

The Agony Of Ageing

On the morning that Summer Time ended I stopped by to visit my ageing friend. He was busy covering his penis with black shoe polish. I said to him, "You better get your hearing checked - You're...
11:18 Fri 17th May 201311 answers, last by headwreck 22:43 Sun 19th May 2013
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Bbbananas

Now My Little Miss Sunshine Is Is Hospital

How much more can happen?
21:18 Fri 17th May 201325 answers, last by lady-janine 08:59 Sat 18th May 2013
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Tilly2

Do I Need Help?

At the moment, on my laptop, I have the following webcam tabs. Dyfi ospreys Loch of the Lowes ospreys Nottingham Trent peregrines Sheffield St. Georges peregrines. I've been up since 5.30 am and keep...
09:02 Fri 17th May 201333 answers, last by tonyav 17:57 Fri 17th May 2013
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TWR

Good Evening All

How are you lot?
19:49 Thu 16th May 201311 answers, last by excelsior-1 10:28 Fri 17th May 2013
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abstibus

Anything Else I Should Do?

I am giving my laptop (Windows 7) to a friend. I have moved all files and folders to the external HD, deleted all cookies and browsing history (not that I visit any dodgy websites). I have MSE and...
19:29 Thu 16th May 201315 answers, last by abstibus 16:36 Fri 17th May 2013
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emmie

Name Change

as I can't seem to persuade the lovely Ed to change my user name, i did ask way back when, can i ask anyone who responds to my questions and whatnot to just call me Em, no idea where i got the idea...
07:39 Fri 17th May 201349 answers, last by Octavius 15:51 Fri 17th May 2013
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McMouse

New Book

A man goes into Waterstones and asks the young lady assistant, "Do you have the new book out for men with short penises?" She replies, "I'm not sure if it's in yet." "That's the one; I'll take a...
09:28 Fri 17th May 20135 answers, last by sancho1960 21:09 Fri 17th May 2013
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mrs_overall

How Can I Locate A "stolen" Elderly Relative?

In March I posted about my 93 year old aunt who has advanced cancer and was discharged from hospital with a care package in place, which seemed to have been working. I live over 100 miles away so my...
06:16 Fri 17th May 201375 answers, last by albaqwerty 06:45 Thu 23rd May 2013
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Sqad

In A Nutshell

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/debate/article-2325820/Airline-pilots-pizza-delivery-boys-work-hours-How-arrogant-GPs-think-beneath-them.html A combination of greedy workshy doctors and an arrogant but...
09:24 Fri 17th May 20139 answers, last by New Judge 17:16 Fri 17th May 2013
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queenofmean

Tummy Trouble

A little boy walks into his parents room to see his mum on top of his dad bouncing up and down, the parents hear him and his mum quickly dismounts, pulling the covers around her. 'What were you...
18:38 Thu 16th May 201311 answers, last by sancho1960 00:54 Fri 17th May 2013
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marval

Still Want A Laugh?

I don't attack people. I'm all stalk and no action. I bet Dracula does all his shopping online, just so he can keep clicking on "your account." I rubbed a magic lamp and wished for the genie not to...
20:47 Thu 16th May 20136 answers, last by excelsior-1 00:44 Fri 17th May 2013
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Jemisa

My First Time...

The sky was dark The moon was high All alone Just her and I Her hair so soft Her eyes so blue I knew just what She wanted to do Her skin so soft Her legs so fine I ran my fingers Down her spine I...
00:02 Fri 17th May 20133 answers, last by marval 20:57 Fri 17th May 2013
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gness

Right Decision Sqad?

Morning Sqad. My ninety year old mother is in a home. Very severe dementia and now immobile. She is hoisted into a chair where she spends a confused and uncooperative day and hoisted back to bed. She...
10:36 Thu 16th May 201338 answers, last by gness 19:01 Fri 17th May 2013
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Baldric

Ouch!, That Bl**dy Hurt

just walked out in the garden to enjoy a bit of sun, got talking to him next door, dogs chasing each other round lawn behind me suddenly hit me in back of legs at full pelt. I went over backwards, the...
15:21 Thu 16th May 201383 answers, last by tonyav 16:05 Thu 30th May 2013
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mrs_overall

Dangerous Dandelions Part Ii

After my shower, I was sitting on the patio with a cuppa when I spotted another dandelion on the lawn. Making sure there were no implements around that could attack me I went to pull it out. All went...
11:07 Thu 16th May 201346 answers, last by society 21:07 Thu 16th May 2013
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Anngel

Any Other Magnum Ice Lolly Fans Out There?

Has anyone else noticed that Magnums have shrunk, and the chocolate is not as thick? or am I just going gaga? Scrap that, already gaga, but am I right? Thanks you....
07:30 Thu 16th May 201315 answers, last by heathfield 12:29 Thu 16th May 2013
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Smowball

Diseased Gallbladder?

An elderly lady I know has not felt right for well over a year now. She has lost over 2 stone, often feels sick and has lost her appetite. Has seen her doctor loads of times, had various tests but...
10:42 Thu 16th May 20135 answers, last by Smowball 14:50 Mon 17th Jun 2013
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grasscarp

Nuts Or No Nuts?

I have in my hand a Blueberry yogurt drink. On the side it says: Allergy advice. Recipe: No nuts Ingredients: Cannot guarantee nut free Factory : No nuts. So if the recipe has no nuts and the factory...
11:10 Thu 16th May 201316 answers, last by grasscarp 13:57 Thu 16th May 2013
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Jemisa

Shopping...

A married couple was on holiday in Pakistan they were touring around the marketplace looking at the goods and such, when they passed a small sandal shop. From the inside they head a Pakistani accent...
14:40 Wed 15th May 20133 answers, last by excelsior-1 23:31 Wed 15th May 2013
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Jemisa

Pub Stakeout...

The policeman had the pub under surveillance a few minutes before closing time, so he could see who comes out drunk. The first one out the door at 1:00 o'clock am, weaved down the street, then fell on...
15:00 Wed 15th May 20133 answers, last by excelsior-1 23:28 Wed 15th May 2013

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