Donate SIGN UP

Hymie

661 to 680 of 862

First Previous 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 Next Last

Avatar Image
Hymie

Comedian At Old Folks Home

Last night I had a gig telling jokes at an old folk’s home. Bless them, they didn’t get any of my jokes – but they still p!ssed themselves....
09:33 Sun 02nd Jul 201711 answers, last by -Talbot- 19:29 Tue 04th Jul 2017
Avatar Image
Hymie

Mooning

Why is it called mooning, when you're actually showing Uranus?
17:53 Sat 01st Jul 20172 answers, last by DTCwordfan 19:57 Sat 01st Jul 2017
Avatar Image
Hymie

Euromillions

I hate to be a pessimist, but I’m starting to think I might never win the EuroMillions jackpot....
21:26 Fri 30th Jun 2017
Avatar Image
Hymie

Life

Spoiler alert: You die in the end....
21:29 Thu 29th Jun 20173 answers, last by Patsy33 13:35 Fri 30th Jun 2017
Avatar Image
Hymie

Winning Streak

We had a team-building competition at work today – and I won....
19:54 Wed 28th Jun 2017
Avatar Image
Hymie

Competition Winner

I entered a competition at my local supermarket and won a year’s supply of Marmite – One jar....
20:02 Tue 27th Jun 20175 answers, last by DTCwordfan 21:52 Tue 27th Jun 2017
Avatar Image
Hymie

Google

If you want to find out which companies have been abusing their market position, just go to Google and….it’s them. http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-40418197...
19:55 Tue 27th Jun 20173 answers, last by ducksie 20:27 Tue 27th Jun 2017
Avatar Image
Hymie

Naughty Doctor Sqad Ii

Dr. Sqad had heard that women are attracted to men who treat them badly. So when a gorgeous woman attended his surgery with a swollen ankle, he gave her cough medicine.
23:17 Mon 26th Jun 20171 answer, last by Hopkirk 05:32 Tue 27th Jun 2017
Avatar Image
Hymie

Cat Fight

‘Leave it, she’s not worth it.’ - L’Oreal model advises a colleague not to fight....
20:18 Mon 26th Jun 20175 answers, last by Patsy33 20:56 Mon 26th Jun 2017
Avatar Image
Hymie

What Is The Difference Between A Girlfriend And A Wife?

Answer: About 20 kg
21:12 Sun 25th Jun 2017
Avatar Image
Hymie

Gamblers Anonymous/gamble Aware

I think gambling addiction hot lines would do much better if every fifth caller was a winner.
21:48 Sat 24th Jun 2017
Avatar Image
Hymie

Great Idea For A Tv Show

Parents are shown a table holding all the money they’ve ever spent on their child. They then get to choose the money or the child....
21:26 Wed 21st Jun 201713 answers, last by albaqwerty 22:02 Fri 23rd Jun 2017
Avatar Image
Hymie

419 Scams

It’s awful how just a few conmen ruined it for the many Nigerian lottery winners who really want to give money to complete strangers....
21:38 Tue 20th Jun 20174 answers, last by murraymints 11:16 Wed 21st Jun 2017
Avatar Image
Hymie

Blind Date

I went on a blind date last night ‘I like men who are honest’ she said, ‘What about you?’ I said ‘I like women who can give good blow jobs.’...
19:11 Tue 20th Jun 2017
Avatar Image
Hymie

Looking Forward To Tonight In Bed

My girlfriend is well pumped up for sex tonight……..I might have to pump her up some more, I think she’s got a slow puncture....
19:24 Mon 19th Jun 20179 answers, last by Hopkirk 11:13 Tue 20th Jun 2017
Avatar Image
Hymie

Talk-Talk

All my wife does is rabbit, rabbit, rabbit – it’s costing me a fortune in batteries....
22:37 Sun 18th Jun 20174 answers, last by Shaglene 16:09 Mon 19th Jun 2017
Avatar Image
Hymie

Inner-Self

I got in touch with my inner-self today. That’s the last time I buy Tesco value range toilet roll....
20:46 Sun 18th Jun 201713 answers, last by Patsy33 22:10 Sun 18th Jun 2017
Avatar Image
Hymie

Family Butchers

The local family butchers have been in business since 1872, so if I ever decide that my family needs butchering, I’ll probably use them....
10:16 Sun 18th Jun 2017
Avatar Image
Hymie

Corner Shop

I called into my local corner shop this afternoon – and bought four corners....
23:04 Sat 17th Jun 20177 answers, last by Caribeing 23:39 Sat 17th Jun 2017
Avatar Image
Hymie

British Telecom Looking To Screw-Over Thousands Of Their Pensioners

To me, what is interesting about BT’s argument that they should be able to limit their liability to their final salary pensioners – is that the scheme is more generous than that available to...
08:19 Sun 28th May 20173 answers, last by fiction-factory 22:23 Mon 29th May 2017

661 to 680 of 862

First Previous 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 Next Last