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Hymie

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Hymie

Attack

Yesterday evening, some thug attacked me in the local park with a bat – I was really impressed at how well he’d trained it....
13:50 Sun 13th Aug 2017
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Hymie

Hitman

A husband hires a hitman to kill his wife of 40 years. The hitman says , ‘I’ll shoot her just below the left t!t.’ The husband replies ‘I want her dead, not bloody kneecapped.’...
18:17 Sat 12th Aug 20171 answer, last by Patsy33 13:10 Sun 13th Aug 2017
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Hymie

Hard On

Q: What do Japanese men do when they have an erection? A: Vote...
20:11 Fri 11th Aug 20174 answers, last by Shaglene 11:42 Sat 12th Aug 2017
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Hymie

Agnb

That's bang out of order.
21:28 Wed 09th Aug 20172 answers, last by Tilly2 21:35 Wed 09th Aug 2017
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Hymie

A_C_H_L

Sometimes alcohol is the answer.
21:17 Wed 09th Aug 20177 answers, last by Patsy33 21:34 Wed 09th Aug 2017
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Hymie

Off Work

I called my work this morning advising that I was staying at home today, as I was not feeling well. My boss asked me what the problem was. I told him that I had a case of anal blindness. He asked -...
19:10 Tue 08th Aug 20174 answers, last by Hopkirk 12:15 Wed 09th Aug 2017
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Hymie

More Advice From Dr Squad

Dr Squad suggested that for my back problems, I should visit a homeopath. Quite what a gay serial killer can do for my back, I have no idea....
21:02 Mon 07th Aug 20173 answers, last by zebo 17:04 Wed 09th Aug 2017
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Hymie

In A Pickle

A man had worked his whole life in a pickle factory. One day he came home to his wife and told her that he had been sacked from his job. She began to scream and yell, ‘You have given them more than...
22:28 Sun 06th Aug 20171 answer, last by elliemay1 22:30 Sun 06th Aug 2017
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Hymie

Expensive Night Out

When I came home last night, my wife complained of having to cook every night of the week and insisted that I take her out to some place expensive this evening – so I’m taking her to the petrol...
19:58 Sun 06th Aug 20174 answers, last by Berniecuddles2 07:10 Mon 07th Aug 2017
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Hymie

Language Skills

Two Essex girls were waiting at a bus stop when a foreign gentleman pulled up in his car and asked ‘Excusez-moi, parlez-vous Francais?’ The two Essex girls just stared at him. He tried again,...
08:42 Sun 06th Aug 2017
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Hymie

Annoying Phone Call

I had an unsolicited phone call from one of those accident claims firms this afternoon. The caller asked ‘Have you had an accident within the last three years that wasn’t your fault?’ I...
14:56 Sat 05th Aug 20171 answer, last by maggiebee 13:19 Sun 06th Aug 2017
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Hymie

Jay-Z

All Jay-Z’s problems could have been undone by his brother, Ctrl-Z....
21:57 Wed 02nd Aug 20172 answers, last by Togo 22:02 Wed 02nd Aug 2017
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Hymie

Late Night Work E-Mails

If anyone sends me a work e-mail after midnight, I assume they’ve just murdered someone and plan to use me as an alibi....
21:12 Fri 28th Jul 2017
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Hymie

Cats & Dogs

Dogs have masters, cats have staff.
22:38 Thu 27th Jul 20173 answers, last by Arksided 22:45 Thu 27th Jul 2017
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Hymie

Private Eye Number Crunching Part Ii

3rd version of Windows operating system 10S, which Microsoft boasted this month ‘no known ransomware works against…our latest and most hardened operating system.’ 3 hours – the time it took...
21:29 Wed 26th Jul 2017
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Hymie

Private Eye Number Crunching

40 years – the time it took the government to announce a ‘full inquiry’ into the contaminated blood transfusions scandal that has already killed nearly 2,500 people. 4 weeks – the time it took...
21:24 Wed 26th Jul 20171 answer, last by scooping 21:27 Wed 26th Jul 2017
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Hymie

Bbc Pay Shock – Courtesy Of Private Eye

Cyberman ‘Have you heard how much the Daleks are getting paid?’...
21:20 Wed 26th Jul 20171 answer, last by DTCwordfan 19:29 Thu 27th Jul 2017
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Hymie

Spelling

If I had to guess, I’m pretty sure the guy who came up with the spelling of ‘February’ had something to do with ‘Wednesday’....
21:00 Tue 25th Jul 20171 answer, last by Wellfield 06:55 Wed 26th Jul 2017
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Hymie

Engagement

Today a co-worker announced that he was getting married. I told him how happy my marriage had made me – but he is still going through with it anyway....
20:41 Mon 24th Jul 2017

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