A stout woman walked into a bar carrying a duck under her arm. A drunk sitting nearby called out: ‘Where did you get that pig?’ ‘It’s not a pig,’ snapped the woman....
Last night my wife and I went to see an illusionist at the local theatre. He was really very good, with an impressive repertoire of tricks and stunts. Being a small theatre, after the illusionist had...
A Russian soldier was on a train, sitting opposite a Jew who was eating a fish meal. ‘Why are you Jews so successful in business?’ asked the Russian soldier. ‘Fish,’ replied...
While making love to my wife last night, I suggested that we swap positions the following evening – to which she readily agreed. This evening, my wife will be sitting on the couch watching TV,...
A newly married couple arranged to spend their wedding night at the bride’s parents’ house before setting off on their honeymoon the following day. However when they had not put in an...
Today I did that thing where you walk into a room and totally forget what you went in for.
It was only when the sh!t started trickling down my leg that I remembered....
While browsing around a department store, a man came across a Thermos flask. Not having seen one before, he asked the assistant what it was for. The assistant explained that it will keep hot things...
David Hasselhoff walked into a bar and ordered a beer. The bartender said ‘It’s pleasure to serve you, Mr. Hasselhoff.’ ‘Just call me Hoff,’ said the actor....
A businessman was getting ready for a long business trip. Knowing that his wife was the flirtatious type with an extremely healthy sex drive – he decided to buy her something that might keep her...
‘Mummy, Mummy, why do we have such big flat feet?’ asked the baby camel. Being an intelligent mother, she answered that they had wide feet to stop their feet sinking into the desert sand....
Bill Clinton was walking down the corridors of the White House when he bumped into a girl. ‘Hello, are you new here?’ he asked. ‘Yes,’ she replied ‘I’ve only been...
Patrick Murphy went for a job interview at his local police station, having applied to become a police officer. Seeing that Patrick was nervous during the interview, the kindly sergeant decides to try...
