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marval

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marval

I Joined

I joined the Skydiving Club the other day. But when I said, “I will be too scared to jump,” they threw me out. My daughter is obsessed with Walt Disney movies so I bought her 101 Dalmatians. Now I...
18:21 Tue 21st May 20192 answers, last by marval 23:14 Tue 21st May 2019
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marval

Bondage

My friend joined a bondage website. At first he was sent to Mansfield, then Newark and finally Worksop. I think he is being tied up in Notts....
18:48 Mon 20th May 20192 answers, last by EDDIE51 20:58 Mon 20th May 2019
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marval

Good Book

My partner likes nothing more than to curl up with a good book. So I have bought him a copy of Advanced Contortionism. I have just bought a new Wigwam, my partner says it looks just like one of our...
17:02 Sun 19th May 20198 answers, last by beso 11:15 Mon 20th May 2019
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marval

Lecture

A gentleman is permitted to join a private club. The initiation consists of holding an unprepared on-the-spot lecture, on a theme starting on a letter which is allotted to him. The man gets an S, and...
15:47 Sat 18th May 20192 answers, last by retrocop 18:35 Sat 18th May 2019
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marval

I Have Written

I have written my own book called 50 Shades of Gravy. It is very saucy. My son invited his posh friend to his birthday party. I asked him, “What’s your favourite game, Tarquin?” He said,...
18:18 Fri 17th May 20192 answers, last by Patsy33 23:39 Fri 17th May 2019
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marval

Musical Hat

An old man goes to the doctors complaining he hears music every time he puts his hat on The doctor takes the hat into a back room and comes back out after a few minutes. The man puts his hat back on...
21:54 Wed 15th May 20192 answers, last by Patsy33 22:53 Wed 15th May 2019
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marval

I Need

I need to find a new source of electricity. I am not happy with my current supplier. I constantly make dreadful clothes for monks. It is a bad habit. I spent six hours yesterday with my partner going...
18:51 Wed 15th May 20195 answers, last by marval 23:44 Wed 15th May 2019
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marval

A Lion

A Lion walks into a restaurant and sits down. The Waiter comes over and says, “Would you like to order a starter, Sir?” The Lion says, “Yes, I’ll have the salmon” “Very good Sir,” says...
21:46 Tue 14th May 20195 answers, last by maggiebee 16:47 Wed 15th May 2019
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marval

New Hat

I have heard the Swiss are making a hat that has all the functions of their pocket knives. They are calling it the ‘Handycap.’...
15:17 Mon 13th May 20191 answer, last by Patsy33 20:23 Mon 13th May 2019
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marval

A Good Job

It is a good job the band ‘Garbage’ didn’t change their name to the English version. They would have been rubbish. I recently purchased a novelty sized rubber stamp It has made quite an...
15:52 Sun 12th May 20196 answers, last by maggiebee 09:48 Mon 13th May 2019
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marval

How Long?

A married business executive had to make a trip to Palm Beach alone for his corporation. After a few days, he was enjoying himself so much that he decided to stay another week as part of his vacation....
14:54 Fri 10th May 20191 answer, last by Patsy33 18:47 Fri 10th May 2019
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marval

Stand In Line

A crowded United Airlines flight was cancelled. A single agent was re-booking a long line of inconvenienced passengers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket...
17:50 Thu 09th May 20191 answer, last by Patsy33 18:01 Thu 09th May 2019
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marval

Three Old Ladies

Three old ladies were sitting side by side in their retirement home reminiscing. The first lady recalled shopping at the green grocers and demonstrated with her hands, the length and thickness of a...
17:48 Wed 08th May 20195 answers, last by -SharonA- 18:10 Thu 09th May 2019
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marval

Aunt Bessie

Aunt Bessie loved to visit her nieces and nephews. However, she had relatives all over the world. The problem was that no matter how much she enjoyed seeing them, she hated flying. No matter how safe...
19:03 Mon 06th May 20192 answers, last by Patsy33 19:42 Mon 06th May 2019
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marval

My Boss

My boss asked what I made of January’s sales reports. Apparently answering ‘paper aeroplanes’ is a good way to get fired. The flash bloke next door is building a conservatory, he has made the...
16:03 Sun 05th May 20192 answers, last by maggiebee 19:56 Sun 05th May 2019
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marval

How To Read

I have just bought the book ‘Learn How to Read’ and am now realising the potential problem. I just went and checked my bank balance, it is not very good, I fell in the river. I once knew this...
18:05 Fri 03rd May 20197 answers, last by Patsy33 22:58 Fri 03rd May 2019
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marval

Local Celebrity

A local celebrity was today arrested for walking into an air conditioning shop and destroying several very expensive air conditioning units. His agent read out this statement: ”I would like to...
18:15 Thu 02nd May 20197 answers, last by Hopkirk 22:08 Thu 02nd May 2019
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marval

Retiring

The man who makes the giant eclairs at our local patisserie is retiring next week. There’ll be some big chouxs to fill when he goes When I got into the office this morning I saw several long sticks...
23:08 Wed 01st May 20191 answer, last by Patsy33 12:44 Thu 02nd May 2019
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marval

My Friend

My friend, who professionally trained as a tailor, has been made redundant, and has decided to go into comedy. He is not worried though, he says he has got plenty of quality material. When my...
18:43 Tue 30th Apr 20193 answers, last by tonyav 20:04 Tue 30th Apr 2019
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marval

I Confess

Four older women are sitting around playing Bridge. The first woman says, "You know girls, I have known you all a long time and there is something I must get off my chest. I am a kleptomaniac. But,...
16:38 Mon 29th Apr 20194 answers, last by DTCwordfan 18:34 Tue 30th Apr 2019

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