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marval

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marval

Raised

My partner always prefers using the stairs. Whereas I always like to take the lift. I guess we were raised differently....
18:12 Mon 11th Feb 20192 answers, last by Patsy33 19:03 Mon 11th Feb 2019
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marval

A Magician

A magician calls a man up on stage, hands him a mallet and instructs the man to hit him as hard as possible on the head. The magician then proceeds to put his head down on a wooden block. The man...
16:21 Sun 10th Feb 20192 answers, last by Patsy33 16:34 Sun 10th Feb 2019
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marval

Superhero

If I was a superhero, I would be Aluminium Man. My superpower would be foiling crime. You have to look hard to be an auctioneer. It is essential to look forbidding. I have just taken a bold risk and...
19:38 Fri 08th Feb 20191 answer, last by Patsy33 19:46 Fri 08th Feb 2019
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marval

Well Done Alfa

All in a days work for a police dog, hope it doesn't put him off. https://news.sky.com/story/police-dog-pins-down-suspect-after-having-car-door-repeatedly-slammed-on-its-head-11631445...
18:57 Fri 08th Feb 201913 answers, last by Baldric 01:12 Sat 09th Feb 2019
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marval

A Ticket

A policeman pulls over a man for speeding. After some discussion he hands him a ticket for three points and a fine. The man wittily asks “is this a raffle ticket?” To which the policeman quickly...
17:07 Thu 07th Feb 20191 answer, last by Patsy33 18:32 Thu 07th Feb 2019
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marval

I Bought

I bought a pair of shoes with a built-in iPod. But I could only walk extremely slowly. Then I realised I had it on shuffle....
17:37 Wed 06th Feb 20195 answers, last by Chipchopper 19:15 Wed 06th Feb 2019
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marval

Where Do You Live?

I am sure you all live in a named road, street etc. Would you want to live in a turning with no name? https://news.sky.com/story/german-town-hilgermissen-votes-to-reject-naming-streets-11628242...
16:01 Tue 05th Feb 201914 answers, last by DarceyK123 22:44 Tue 05th Feb 2019
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marval

My Friend

My friend reckons every time he goes to the local skip, he hears voices. I have been and I have never heard such rubbish....
15:36 Tue 05th Feb 20197 answers, last by Arrods 17:42 Tue 05th Feb 2019
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marval

Tv Channel

Did you know that in the UK there is an entire TV channel devoted to hair-dressing? It is good; I have seen the highlights....
23:19 Mon 04th Feb 201919 answers, last by Chipchopper 11:08 Tue 05th Feb 2019
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marval

Paddy's Antique

Paddy drags a large box all the way to the Antiques Roadshow which is appearing in his town that week. "Where did you get this?" asks the expert. "It's been in our loft for 80 years," says Paddy. "I...
22:34 Fri 01st Feb 20195 answers, last by marval 18:54 Sat 02nd Feb 2019
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marval

Arrested

A man has been arrested for smuggling hay. He’s been released on bale. “I asked my doctor if fish were healthy. He said, “I think so. I have never had to treat any.” I really like to let my...
19:44 Tue 29th Jan 20192 answers, last by murraymints 09:14 Wed 30th Jan 2019
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marval

I Was

I was on Facebook earlier looking back at some pictures from my honeymoon. I tried to load one with us topless on the beach, and it said “Fetching photo.” I thought, “Aw, thank you very much.”...
00:30 Sat 26th Jan 20192 answers, last by marval 00:53 Sat 26th Jan 2019
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marval

I Met

I was invited to reception while I was in Saudi Arabia. I met a very welcoming Arab. He was called Sheikh Mahand....
23:15 Wed 23rd Jan 201912 answers, last by retrocop 19:41 Fri 25th Jan 2019
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marval

Windsor Davies

I have only just read that Windsor Davies has died. Most remembered probably for It Ain't Half Hot Mum. RIP Windsor....
20:01 Sat 19th Jan 20198 answers, last by cupid04 18:36 Sun 20th Jan 2019
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marval

Blind Date

I have got a blind date tonight with this girl who is 78.8 inches tall, I can’t wait two metre. Bruce Willis, Nick Nolte, Steven Seagal, Gerard Butler and Vinnie Jones were all in the audience for...
18:43 Sat 19th Jan 20193 answers, last by Zacs-Master 14:34 Sun 20th Jan 2019
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marval

I Went Out

I went out last night and ended up getting arrested for vandalism. All I wanted to do was paint the town red. After winning the kleptomaniac archery tournament I took a well-deserved bow. I am looking...
20:14 Tue 15th Jan 20194 answers, last by murraymints 08:39 Wed 16th Jan 2019
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marval

How Will I Know?

When I found out that all the fish at my holiday home in Florida were being eaten by a heron, I got the phone number of a local hunter and organised for him to kill it. Just before I hung up the phone...
18:03 Sat 12th Jan 20197 answers, last by DTCwordfan 18:09 Mon 14th Jan 2019
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marval

Did You Hear?

Did you hear about the vegetarian cannibal? He only eats Swedes. The man who owns Specsavers must be a very busy person, He has got loads of Contacts. My friend and I were arguing about the vertebral...
19:52 Mon 07th Jan 20192 answers, last by marval 23:52 Mon 07th Jan 2019
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marval

My First Day

It was my first day working as a pilot today. I got off to a flier. I don’t fancy the new gastro pub that’s just opened near us. I think the name, “Entiritis” is putting me off. I once got...
19:48 Sun 06th Jan 20192 answers, last by Chipchopper 20:40 Sun 06th Jan 2019
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marval

I Recently Hired

I have recently hired a pair of etiquette consultants. They complement each other nicely. “Do you accept cards as payment?” I asked the lad in the takeaway. “Of course, Sir”, he replied,...
00:02 Thu 03rd Jan 20192 answers, last by EDDIE51 20:18 Thu 03rd Jan 2019

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